This Star Won't Go Out

I’m going in again tomorrow at 12:30, appointment’s at 1:30, and I think I’m meeting to talk with a neurologist and sleep specialists to see if they have any brilliant ideas . . . I’ll fill you in later (with the emotions). I’m too tired for that.


But I am extremely thankful to the doctors and Mom and Dad for their constant help, they’ve been unbelievably patient with me. Also thanks to God, for never making the pain last too long. The pain sucks so bad, but it always goes away.


ex, oh, ex, oh :)



“You Are the Moon,”

QUINCY, MASSACHUSETTS, 2009





CATITUDE:


Finding friendship and community online and IRL

by Lindsay Ballantyne


When people ask for a History of Catitude, it’s hard to pinpoint what’s important to share, and even more difficult to figure out the time line of events. Our paths crossed in a lot of different ways before we all came together. Many met in the chat rooms that accompanied live shows run by the Vlogbrothers or the Harry Potter Alliance on a site called BlogTV The Vlogbrothers BlogTV chat was also used in its off hours as a meeting place for enthusiasts of This is Not Tom, a series of online puzzles interwoven with a mysterious story written by John Green.

In April of 2009, a few of us took part in an event spearheaded by author Maureen Johnson called Blog Every Day in April (BEDA) and were matched up by Maureen as “BEDA buddies,” giving us a support system to get through the month. Other to-be Cats watched the Scripps National Spelling Bee together in May, and the enthusiasm from that event has carried on in annual viewing parties. We were all pretty prolific on Twitter and would have pages of conversation in messages of 140 characters or less.

BEDA is where it all started for me. We had created a Skype chat that was meant for brainstorming blog ideas but it ended up as a shared stream of consciousness. When BEDA ended and our chatting slowed down a bit, Arka mentioned he’d been talking with another girl he thought we’d like—Esther. A new chat was formed so that we could talk with Esther, and we never looked back.

When I first met Esther she was so well spoken, thoughtful, and kind. I thought she was too wise to be my age, so imagine my surprise when I discovered that at fourteen (“almost fifteen!”) she was five years my junior. When I met the rest of Catitude it was the same story. I quickly learned that my age gauge would never be accurate when it came to this extraordinary group of people. Not long into our collective friendship, Esther said, “I feel as though we’re all the same age. I don’t know what age that is, but yeah.” It was true. We could go from debating which would be better to eat, chocolate-flavored poop or poop-flavored chocolate, if you had to choose one (a dispute that has lasted years and proved to be our most controversial discussion), to sharing our deepest thoughts and desires without missing a step.

Very early on we discovered that Valerie was a Harry Potter virgin. Because many of us had first met through our involvement in the Harry Potter fan community, we felt it was our civic duty to correct this. It was the first time many of us had spoken, and so as virtual strangers we organized “Operation HP Valerie.” Our mission: get Valerie to read Harry Potter by annotating the books and mailing them around the country. Two or three people were assigned to each book and we kept track of it all in a very complicated spreadsheet (a time-honored Catitude tradition).

There were countless chats in early-to mid-2009 that frequently evolved to suit the current need, but it’s generally agreed upon that Catitude as we now know it shares its birthday with Esther. The day she turned fifteen coincided with her return from a weeklong vacation without Internet, so we gathered as many friends as we could, including anyone who may have known Esther even tangentially, into a massive celebratory Skype chat.

from JULIAN GOMEZ

“Esther, I remember I met you on the day of your birthday, which was basically the inception of what Cat-i-tude is now. We had a party for you on Skype and the first impression I had of you is ‘I really want to be her friend.’ I’m so happy we became good friends.”





Excerpt from “Birthday Chat”

8/4/09

[11:12:20 PM] JULIAN GOMEZ: Why did no one tell me about this collab thing?

[11:12:27 PM] ARIELLE LINDSEY ROBERTS: finally playing truth of fail

[11:12:28 PM] LINDSAY: teryn organized it

[11:12:30 PM] ARIELLE LINDSEY ROBERTS: Teryn organized it

[11:12:36 PM] ESTHER: TWINS

[11:12:37 PM] KATIE TWYMAN: TERYN FAIL. D:<

[11:12:38 PM] LINDSAY: she said she DMed everyone in the chat

[11:12:39 PM] BLAZE MITTEFF: #blameteryn

[11:12:44 PM] JULIAN GOMEZ: Oh, Teryn hates me apparantly

[11:12:44 PM] ESTHER: hahahha

[11:13:00 PM] LINDSAY: D:

[11:13:05 PM] [MORBLES.]: I feel like I’ve been ignoring you guys >.<