This Star Won't Go Out

I feel so useless. And I know it’s late and I’m tired and I’m upset and I should be sleeping but I feel the need to write. This will probably be short. I feel so useless because I don’t know. It would make no difference if I died. What I mean is not that I’m suicidal, I just have not done anything other than get on the computer for the past year. Yeah, I can’t do much else but seriously?! I want to make a difference, to help someone. And I don’t know how. Helping someone would make me feel good, like I did something productive for a change, thus helping myself, too. Maybe one day.





Saturday, February 21, 2009 11:54 PM, EST


Dear Estee’s Friends, Esther is doing pretty well these days! Between working with her medications and wrestling with God in prayer, there has been improvement! Thank you for your part in this. Though her headaches are not all gone, they are manageable for the time being. Also, her sleep patterns are improving and her last few weekly visits to the cancer clinic have revealed excellent progress overall! These things are enough in themselves to be ecstatic about but since we last wrote she’s also been busy with a few other happenings: had a couple days surprise visit from a lifetime friend (yeah, cool Andrew from NY!), went to the mall one afternoon for three yummy, warm pretzels with dad (though she felt kind of conspicuous with non-stop stares in the direction of her ever present oxygen tank), painted Abe’s face twice (both times as a super scary super something), played piano downstairs a few times (we love that), watched American Idol with mom (they love that-go Danny!), entertained big sis Abby once (hard to get Abby away from her beloved chemistry books more than that!), ate a few delicious (ahem) home cooked meals at the table like a regular kid and made a general blessing of herself on a regular basis. Hope that encourages you. From where we sit today, we’re especially grateful for these and many other daily gifts!


Wayne





Sunday, March 15, 2009 10:39 AM, EDT


Dear Friends,


Haven’t been keeping up too well on updates, which is after all, a good thing! No news usually means no new bad news! We find that one of the most difficult things about Esther’s cancer is finding the right balance in approaching life. We often feel like we’re waiting, but we want to feel like we’re LIVING. Finding the way to live life with the right perspective is a big part of what living a Christ-following life is all about, isn’t it?


So, the nitty gritty for those of you interested! Esther’s weekly visits to the Jimmy Fund Clinic (the outpatient branch for pediatric cancer at Dana-Farber/Children’s Hospital Boston) have been positive, with slight improvement in her various blood counts, oxygen functions, and overall health. We’re constantly adjusting medications, as new health concerns come and go. This week it’s an oral medication to get rid of the thrush which started after the steroid treatment to break her week-long migraine a few weeks back. She has also contracted Clostridium difficile (or C-dif), so yesterday we started a new antibiotic for that. Her calcium levels had dropped, so we’re back to taking a calcium supplement. There’s some concern about slight blood count in her urine—waiting to hear how much of a problem that is. As you can see, status quo isn’t really status quo—it’s just calm concern, versus overwhelming.


On the social front, our Esther has been a butterfly! Went to see a movie with Abby and Angie last week, since Abby was home from Gordon College for the week. Also went this past Thursday evening as a whole family to hear Angie’s (wonderful) voice recital at North Quincy High School. And Esther is spending most evenings competing on Game Cube with her brothers—there is nothing Graham and Abe love more than finding out if she’s awake when they get home from school, and ready to play! Someday we’ll update to Wii, but they still love their antique system, and at least used games are cheap so we can keep adding new ones!


Graham turned 13 ten days ago, and I wish you could all have heard his prayer as we gathered around the table for his birthday dinner. We had been watching old family videos, and his heartfelt prayer was for Esther to walk and run like she used to . . . we were all pretty teary eyed!


Thank you for praying—we’ll keep you posted!





Monday, March 30, 2009 10:42 AM, EDT


Keep Scootin’, Esther!