This Star Won't Go Out

Oh yeah! We decorated our Christmas tree last night! Dad and the boys went to Home Depot and picked a pre-cut one that they brought home and set in the corner of the living room. We then ate dinner, which was stew, and, yes!, I did go downstairs to eat with everyone! Minus Abby though. :P After dinner Angie went to bed and we all decorated the tree. Abe loved the ornaments of him*, and Graham seemed to like hanging the ornaments, “down low so they would fall on the tree skirt not break” he said.

So that was loads of fun! I wish Angie had stayed upstairs long enough. However she has a “life.” Two nights ago she “slept” over (aka stayed awake over) her friend Michelle’s house. Apparently she was tired last night, go figure.

I think that because I have cancer, I spend a lot of time with the ‘rents. And because of that I think I get along best out of us sisters, because of it, with the parents. Abby does, I guess get along with them but doesn’t always respect them. I think Angie respects them even less, just by the way she treats them, but maybe not. I’ve never asked her . . . But anyway, the way she treats them gets on my nerves lately, and because of it sometimes I don’t say that much to her, and then my head says, “don’t do that Esther.” So I’m nice to her again. But by that time she’s gone back under “her life” rock, which she would do anyway if I were nice or mean. I’m usually always nice though. I think I just completely contradicted myself there, hah.


*Normal?! What the heck is normal? Healthy is, I guess, my definition of it. Apparently.

* ego maniac! Nahhh :D




December 11 / December 12, 2008


It’s 2 in the morn’!

Wow, today was one of the most eventful days in a while, for me. It started at 9:30 am, I woke up feeling nauseous, so I called Dad and he came up to my room and gave me my nausea helping pill. Then I got myself all pretty, got ready, and me and Dad left for Jimmy Fund at 10:30am-ish. We got there at around . . . 11:30. I got my blood drawn, got new high scores on the Webkinz games site (GEEK!) and peed in a cup. When they drew my blood they missed friggen vein and had to do the other freaking arm.

(You know, at one point I would have screamed and cried if they tried to take my blood; a bit later than that I would tear up and have to take large breaths; little bit later if you tried I would get watery eyed when it went in; and now when they do it, I take a long breath in, I don’t know why, and they do it. It really just pinches.)

What did annoy me about this time—other than missing the “freaking arm”—was that one of the nurses was like “does that hurt?” as she’s moving the needle around in my vein. I did my best duh/confused face and she kept asking. I know it’s her job, but of course it hurt! Afterward, with my Band-Aids all on and blood drawn, she’s like, “does it hurt” pointing to the Band-Aids. I said no.

It’s insane how little things that are meant by no means to be personal, or even close to what I’m currently worrying about can make me angry, or sad, or lonely, or happy. Like, well, I can’t think of any examples right now. Oh well, if I do I’ll include it in here.

Oh yeah, I was talking about my day. So after I did all that I weighed (88.2 POUNDS!!) and got my temperature and blood pressure. And whenever they do blood pressure, they wrap the wrap part around your upper arm and you (me . . . ) straighten my arm and it tightens so hard—so hard, in fact, that I get cuts from it. Not bleeding ones, just under my skin. Then the blood pressure is unwrapped, and mine’s been good. Which is good, cause for this new experimental drug, high bp is common, so they’re watching mine.

After vitals, Annette came in and we went over my pains from toe to head. Lower body’s fine, arms are okay, my g-tube is still acting odd, it’s slightly infected. My throat/neck still has that weird lump thing going on. I’m not sure what it is, neither are they. My head has a new pain, I don’t know how to describe it well . . . Hm, the back left, near my ear, and down toward my neck, too, I get this come-and-go pulsing kind of pain. It comes when I change positions, and it’s like, “no pain, RUSH OF PAIN, no pain.” It’s rather odd and it was yesterday and day before, more annoying than painful, however now it’s been hurting more. Yeah.

So after we went over that we chatted a little, I saw Dr. G! He’s funny. He definitely is a cheery person that makes you feel better just by seeing him. Plus he treats kids and adults the same—same tone. No talking to me like I’m 5 years old, which is quite enjoyable. After that, we, would you believe it, got in our car! Then me and Dad decided to go to OLIVE GARDEN! So I ***walked*** from the car, into the restaurant, down past many seats, to our seat. That is a load of walking my friend! Like no joke. We ate their delicious chocolate cake and their wicked good salad! And we just talked about whatever, nothing deep! It was nice hanging out with Dad. He’s a pretty cool guy—for a dad. ;D

Then we walked to the car—in the rain!—and got home, and then I walked up the stairs to my bed and sat down. And now, after hours, here I sit.

So, I was thinking, if I were to describe my family now, as they are now, what would I say? And what would I do to draw them? In a silly way, I thought I’d give it a shot.

Nevermind. That was an awful idea. But I do have a good one! Ready?!