The Saddest Song

Chapter 28

Rainey

It didn’t take many more days to realize what a huge mistake I had made. Once the shock of having slept with him wore off, I had to deal with his absence. He was gone completely from wherever I was. Going back to school without him was the worst part. Caitlynn and Hudson made a great effort to keep me company at lunchtime but it wasn’t the same. I tried to shut him out of my mind, think of anything but him. He stayed stubbornly locked into my consciousness. Everything made me think of him. At first when I couldn’t stand it anymore I texted him and asked to see him. He said no. I asked again and he didn’t answer. How could I blame him? He had said he loved me and I had rejected him. I treated him like he had done something wrong, instead of being honest about my own feelings.

My eighteenth birthday was January 27th and I had a crazy hope that I would hear from him. I checked my phone every five minutes hoping for a message from him. When Sophie called to wish me a happy birthday I practically begged her for news of him. We had been apart for nearly a month. Did he mention me? Never, she said. Was he happy? No, not at all. I felt a slight thrill of happiness that he might be as miserable as I was.

When we got home from my birthday dinner, my dad pressed the garage door opener and sitting in the garage wrapped in a big red bow was a shiny black Volkswagen Jetta. They yelled, “Surprise!” Mom handed me the keys and urged me to sit in it. I cried as I sat there holding the wheel. “Tears of Happiness,” my dad whispered to my mom. She elbowed him, looking sad.

My alarm clock flashed as I entered my bedroom, a shout out from Garrett. It didn’t cheer me up. It made me sadder. I had made my peace with Garrett. It was his brother I missed now.





Max

Ignoring Rainey’s birthday was one of the hardest things I had ever done. My mom told me her parents were buying her a car and I hoped it would be a Jetta. Rainey had always wanted one. I knew how happy she would be. I wished I could be there to see her face light up in surprise. My fingers ached to at least text her a birthday message, but I knew that would be selfish.

The days without Rainey were duller, as if somehow all the color and warmth had been sucked out. Routine was a comfort though and I had a very set schedule. I did my school work on Monday, Wednesday and Fridays. I volunteered at the shelter on Tuesday and Thursdays until school was out. I knew from Kara that Rainey came in after school a couple of days a week. Unlike me, she didn’t have a set schedule and I made sure I was long gone before she might show up.

Saturdays were still devoted to music. The girls still hung out with Rainey on those days, she just no longer came to the house. I never asked them about her, and they never brought her up. The last two Saturdays Colin’s neighbor, Lalie would come by when the girls returned and hang out with us. I had met her briefly at their Halloween party and she was a cool girl, cute and funny. By the way she acted around me I knew she would say yes if I asked her out. I was tempted just to force myself to go on with my life, but my heart just wasn’t in it.

I saw Rainey by accident one day in early February. I was working at the shelter and had taken a little terrier out for a walk. Unfortunately, she escaped her collar and led me on quite a chase. By the time I got to the shelter parking lot I saw Rainey’s shiny new Jetta pulling in.

I hid behind a shrub and watched her walk over to my truck. I wondered what she was doing when she suddenly got back in her car and drove away. I was shocked at how I reacted to seeing her. My heart was pounding and I ached to follow her. Instead I took a deep breath and took the dog back inside.

“Hey Max, did Annie escape again?” Kara asked.

“Again?”

“Yeah, this makes three times. She misses her life on the streets.” We laughed and then Kara gave me a look I had learned to recognize.

“Don’t say anything Kara.”

“I won’t Max. Do you know that you are the first person who ever asked me not to tell them what I see?”

“Really?”

She nodded. I won’t tell you then, but can I suggest something?”

I waited.

“Write the lyrics to that song.”

“What song?” I asked, confused.

“The Saddest Song”. Go write it.

“Why?”

“You don’t want me to tell you anything, remember?”

I laughed. “How did you know about that song? Rainey?”

Saying her name out loud felt funny. It had been awhile.

“Nope. Nobody told me.”

“Kara, you’re kind of creepy, you know that?”

“Oh believe me Max, you aren’t the first to say that! See you Thursday?”

“You bet.”

I got into my truck and saw a piece of paper stuck in the windshield. Thinking it was an advertisement I opened the door and pulled it off. It was a piece of notebook paper and the handwriting was familiar.

“I miss you Max.” was all it said. It was enough.

“I miss you too, Rainey” I said to no one.