The Saddest Song

Chapter 25

Rainey

I awoke slowly, feeling a sharp pain behind my closed eyes. My mouth felt dry and my stomach nauseous. My heart fluttered in panic when I recalled my dreams. So wrong, but so real. I had dreamt that I slept with Max. Not slept. Had sex with him. Not just sex, either. It was tender, and passionate and perfect. Oh my god. It was so real, so what I had hoped having sex would be like. I rolled over and my head felt like it would explode. What was I thinking drinking all that champagne?

“Good morning,” Max’s voice whispered. My eyes flew open. Max was lying next to me, his hair messy from sleep, a sweet smile on his face. I blushed as I thought of what I had dreamed, glad he couldn’t read my mind.

Max continued to smile at me but his turquoise eyes questioned mine.

“Are you okay?” he asked, worry in his voice.

“I have a headache,” I said, closing my eyes.

He kissed my forehead gently. “Can I get you something for it?”

“Please,” I whispered.

“Okay, I’ll be right back.” He kissed me again, this time on the cheek. “Rainey, I just want you to know that last night was the best night of my entire life.”

My eyes flew open in time to see him sitting on the side of the bed reaching for something. Boxers. That’s what he reached for. He was naked. Naked. Oh my god. I felt quickly to see if I was wearing my pajamas and my worst fear was realized. My dream wasn’t a dream. It was real.

He stood up and smiled at me. A heartbreakingly, happy smile.

“I love you, “he said, as he went into the bathroom for my medicine.

I quickly searched the floor for my clothes and saw my dress lying half way across the room. Max’s button down was lying closer so I grabbed it and put it on as he came out.

“Wow, you look great in my shirt,” he grinned.

Wait. This was wrong. He knew what we had done and he was happy about it. No. Oh my god.

“Max, last night…we were drunk, Max. We didn’t know what we were doing, right?”

His smile disappeared and he sat down and reached for me, pulling me into his arms. I laid my head against his chest and took a deep breath.

“Rainey, it’s alright. I know you feel guilty because of Garrett. But Rainey, we love each other and Garrett would want us to be happy. It was perfect. It was amazing. You’re amazing.”

He pulled back and lifted my chin so I would look him in the eyes.”We love each other, Rainey. There is nothing wrong about it.”

I stiffened in his arms and looked away. I couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Talk to me Rainey.”

“Max, no, this is so wrong. I love you Max. You’re my best friend, my family. I adore you but I’m your brother’s girlfriend. This isn’t happening. Oh my god.”

Tears blurred my vision and soon I began to sob. Loud ugly sounds came out of me. I should have been embarrassed, I wasn’t. I was out of my mind. With shock, With shame. With regret. Max held me until the worst of it was over and then he stood up and I saw that he too had been crying.

“Forgive me, Rainey. I thought you felt the same. I am so, so sorry.”

“Let’s pretend it never happened. Okay? Please. We will just pretend none of this happened. I want us to be the same. Okay? Please? Please, Max!” I begged.

Max knelt down at the side of the bed and looked directly into my eyes. “Rainey, we will do whatever you want. If you want to pretend that we never did it, then we will.”

I took a couple of deep breaths and began to hiccup. Max brought me a bottle of water and laid my clothes beside me on the bed. The look in his eyes broke my heart. What had I done?





Max

New Year’s Day. A new beginning. At least, that is what I thought when I woke up. I believed that Rainey and I had both fallen in love. We had realized that we were meant to be and I watched her sleeping, my heart full of happiness. We had fought through the grief over Garret and grown closer as the weeks and months went by. It was the best thing that could have happened to us. Sure, it was weird that she had been my brother’s girlfriend first, but I knew he was okay with it. Hadn’t he even hinted at it from the other side?

But no, Rainey wasn’t ready. Damn it! Why didn’t I know that? Last night she’d sure seemed ready. Was it only the alcohol that made her respond like that? I knew from Garrett that they had never slept together. They had decided to wait until they were seniors. What a mess. I felt guilty even though I hadn’t been trying to take advantage of her. I asked her over and over again if she was sure. She was drunk, but so was I. Maybe I couldn’t read her like I could when I was sober.

Now I had to take all that happened and go back to where we were before the clock had struck midnight. What kind of f*cked up fairytale was this? Was it even possible? What choice did I have? I had to go back to being her best friend or risk losing Rainey completely.

When we joined everyone downstairs I noticed Sophie grinning at Rylee. The girls obviously thought we would now be a couple. I wished they were right. I watched as Rainey helped the girls make Belgium Waffles and warm up the Kringles my mom had sent. I kept trying to gauge her emotions while making conversation with Colin and Ethan. She seemed fine, but I felt her avoiding my eyes.

When it came time to head home I dreaded the conversation we needed to have. We couldn’t leave things like this. Rainey’s idea of pretending it hadn’t happened wasn’t possible. We could work this out, I was sure of it. Her guilt was understandable, but she couldn’t think she was cheating on someone when they were no longer alive. We had done nothing wrong.