The Saddest Song

Chapter 27

Rainey

I felt lost. I felt sad. I felt like I was making the biggest mistake of my life by shutting

Max out. I wanted to find a way to go back to the way we were, but how? Everything was different now. I knew Max loved me. I couldn’t deal with the hurt I saw in his eyes, or heard in his voice. But I couldn’t love him in that way. It was wrong, and yet I was afraid a part of me already did. I couldn’t let that part win.

I wasn’t trying to punish him. I wasn’t mad at him. I was mad at myself. I missed him, but I didn’t deserve him anymore. I let the charge die on my phone. I put it in a drawer so that I wouldn’t know when he texted me. The days passed, slow and miserable and I stopped myself a million times from going to see him.

My mom and dad were horrified that Max and I weren’t speaking. I knew mom had tried to find out from Max’s mom what had happened, but I knew he would never share it with anyone. Our secret was safe at least. That was something.

After five days without Max, I dreamed of Garrett. When I awoke I had no doubt that I had actually been with him. In the dream I was in my room sleeping when he sat down on my bed and gently woke me up by saying my name.

“Rainey, Raineybear, wake up. I need to talk to you.”

I opened my eyes and he was sitting there looking just as he had when he was last here.

“Hi Garrett, I said. “Am I dreaming?”

“Yep.” He smiled.

“Are you angry?”

His face looked perplexed, and then he shook his head no.

“You know what happened, don’t you?”

He nodded, and I cringed, hoping he hadn’t seen us.

He laughed, and I gasped with horror.

“No Rainey, I didn’t see anything. I laughed because you seem to think I’m like Casper the ghost floating around and watching your every move. I’m not. I’ve got my afterlife to deal with, believe me it keeps me busy.” He put his palm against my cheek and smiled.

“I’m so sorry, Garrett. I drank too much, and Max did too…”

“Rainey, it’s okay. Max loves you. You love each other. It’s fine with me.”

“No! Garrett, I love him as a best friend. It never was supposed to happen,”

“Oh Rainey,” he said, with the sweetest smile, “are you sure?”

As soon as the words left his lips, my eyes opened.





Max

I knew after a week of estrangement from Rainey that I could not bear to be at school every day and see her cringe uncomfortably whenever she saw me. I couldn’t do it. I needed to put space between us so that our paths wouldn’t cross anymore. There was only one way to do that, so I did it.

I had to hand it to my parents, they came through for me. When I explained that because of Rainey and my falling out I felt it would be better for us both if I did a home study program for the second semester they didn’t argue. Instead, my mom said she would work on it immediately.

“Son, what happens if you and Rainey work things out?” My dad questioned.

“Well, I assume I could return to school if I want to. But I don’t expect that to happen.”

“You’re sure, Max? I can’t believe anything could be bad enough to keep you two apart.” Mom looked sad and worried but it couldn’t be helped.

“Mom, this is what I need right now.”

Once that was settled, I called to let Rainey know she would need to get a new ride to school but she didn’t answer my call. I asked my mom to call Mrs. Martin and explain. An hour later, mom shouted that Rainey was at the door. When she didn’t come upstairs, I went out to the porch to talk to her. She looked miserable, and I assumed I did too.

“Max, you can’t leave school because of me.”

“It’s for the best. This way you won’t have to be reminded of what happened every time you see me.”

“Max! Stop it. This is crazy. Please don’t leave school.”

“Can you look me in the eye and tell me that we are okay?”

She squirmed a little then said, “Not completely. I’m trying though.”

“That’s just it, Rainey. You shouldn’t have to try. I’m going to say this once and then I promise you that you won’t have to deal with it again. I have learned a lot about myself and about you in the past few months. I can tell you without the help of our psychic friend that I know you and I are not a mistake. What has grown between us is right and I will not feel guilty for falling in love with you. Call it a cruel twist of fate, but I believe you were never meant to be with Garrett. We are as perfect for one another as two people have ever been. But you can’t accept that. You won’t. Fine. I can’t change your mind. But I can’t be around you and see your eyes look at me with regret for what happened between us, because what happened was as natural and meant to be as anything that has ever happened to either of us. I won’t let you make me feel bad about it. We didn’t kill my brother. We didn’t plan to fall in love. Life happens and fate steps in and makes things messy, but that’s called Living Rainey.

“Max, I don’t blame you. I swear I don’t. I just want to be the way we were before.”

“Going back to just a friendship would mean we are both in denial and ashamed of loving each other. I’m not.”

“But, Max..”

“Rainey, it’s okay. It’s how you feel. I love you but I need to be honest with myself. We will both survive. We’ve proven that we’re survivors.”

She looked so distressed, I reached out and hugged her, half expecting her to push me away. She surprised me by clinging to me and starting to cry. I kissed the top of her head and pulled away. I took a step back towards the door and she said, “Max, Wait! Please. I don’t want you to go.”

“Do you think I want to? I have to Rainey.” It took everything I had to step inside and close the door.