Reason 26: I want to shout it to the world that I’m in love with you
“Game night again, dude?” Tanner shoves the rest of his pizza in his mouth and wipes his hands on his jeans before letting me inside. It’s been a whole week since I slept with Hayles, and then tore her heart up the next day. School’s been weird. Quynn’s been distant, but givin’ me the ‘are you okay?’ look every time she glances in my direction. And Hayles has gone back to bein’ my ‘homie’. Like nothin’ happened. It’s worse than her ignorin’ me. It’s like I didn’t put a dent in her at all. But she’s a good actress. So she’s probably hurtin’ more than she’s sayin’.
I probably should’ve called before comin’ over to Tanner’s but not so good at the phone thing. Pretty sure Hayles is the only exception I make to call someone.
“Nah,” I say, marchin’ straight to the fridge. “I got somethin’ to do tonight. Just killin’ time before.”
Truth is, I’m nervous as hell and I need a distraction. And Tanner has more junk food than Mom keeps stocked in our house.
“Quynn? You finally goin’ for it, man?”
I take a swig of Pepsi, clear my throat and avoid his eyes. “Uh, no. Hayley. I’m goin’ to swing by, see if she’s home.”
I hold my breath, waitin’ for his reaction, but I really should give Tanner more credit, ‘cause he punches my shoulder and says, “Hell yeah, man. You guys should hang out here again.” He winks and goes to plop on his couch. I grab a slice of pizza from the box on the counter and join him.
“So…” Dude, talking chicks, even with the best friend gets a little awkward, but I’m nervous and I’ve already talked the crap out of it with my family. “What do you think about her?”
“She’s cool. Any girl who can kick my ass at Ghost Recon is okay in my book.” He turns on the TV and tosses his legs up on the coffee table. “You guys a thing now?”
I wish. “Nah, but… maybe soon.”
“You like her?”
He’s not lookin’ at me, or showin’ much interest, but it makes answering easier. “Yeah.”
“Cool.” He flips through the channels, one hand tucked behind his head. “Then a rematch is definitely in the cards. Don’t screw up tonight, Bro.”
Quynn.
Her name used to send a different kind of wave through my body, but right now, it makes me sick. No matter what I do, I’m hurtin’ someone. But that’s my fault, not theirs. If only I had manned up and told Quynn right away. Told her I was fallin’ hard and fast for Hayles. Stopped draggin’ her around, makin’ her feel like I still felt the same way.
And I’m not like Gabe. I’m not like my dad. Which is why I’m tellin’ her now. Not ‘cause I’m tryin’ to make things better with Hayles, but because it’s the right thing to do.
I gotta let her go… all the way.
“Hey, Bro.”
She sits down on the grass next to me, starin’ out at the sprinklers goin’ off in the soccer field at the park.
“Hey, Quynn.”
Her arm loops through mine, and she leans her head on my shoulder. “Are you finally going to tell me what’s been bothering you all week?”
I turn my head toward her. She’s beautiful, always has been, and I don’t know if I’m ready to see the hurt in her face. The same hurt when she caught my brother cheatin’ on her. But then I remind myself… I’m stoppin’ this before it gets to that. We weren’t ever together. Haven’t been on a date. Haven’t kissed. Never told each other how we feel. As much as I liked her in the past, when I look at her now, all I see is my friend.
And that’s when it gets easy. The words are easy now. I don’t know why they weren’t before. Why I held them back from her. Why I held them from anyone. I do wanna do that cheesy junk. Shout it out from the rooftops and crap like that.
“I’m in love with Hayley.”
Her eyes get real big as she takes her head off my shoulder. “Really?”
I nod. “I-I’ve got it bad.”
Her lips part, and she mouths, ‘Wow’, but I don’t hear anythin’.
“I’m sorry if… I don’t know if you thought we… I mean, I used to… I really wanted to…”
Bumbling idiot. These words aren’t easy.
She saves me by putting a hand to my lips. “It’s okay, Brody. I knew something was up. I thought you were mad at me, but you were just trying to protect me, weren’t you?”
I take her hand and pull it from my mouth. “Yeah. I didn’t want you thinking I was the same as G—”
“You are not your brother.” She pats my leg, just like she used to do when we were closer friends. “You are much better than him.” Her lips pull up in a smile, and she rubs my buzzed head noogie-style. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I wouldn’t have pushed you into hanging out with me so much. Probably didn’t make things easier.”
I didn’t say anythin’ ‘cause apparently, I don’t give people enough credit. No one is reacting the way I thought they would. I expected to get a crap lecture about how Quynn is better for me from Mom, a wiseass comment and some razzin’ from Tanner, and heartache and a punch in the face from Quynn. Now that I think about it, I screwed up the one thing I wanted most ‘cause I didn’t think people would see what I see in Hayles. They’d be like her judgemental mom.
I should’ve known better. After all, I’m the one who kept tellin’ her to shut up ‘cause she’s beautiful, and fun, funny, and… awesomesauce.
A smile breaks through, and I’m suddenly laughin’ at myself. Laughin’ so hard I think I’m scaring Quynn.
“What is so funny?”
I shake my head as more chuckles come out. “I’m an idiot.”
She laughs with me now. “Well, that’s what love does to you.”
In the words of Hayles… cheeseball. But a cheeseball who’s right.
I tuck her into a big hug, smotherin’ her face in my chest like I used to and wiggle her hair back and forth. “Thanks for bein’ so cool.”
“Thanks for being honest, Bro.” She ducks out from underneath me. “Now will you please go get your girl before I beat you to it.”
I give her a pervy cock of the head. “Really? I’d like to see that.”
She punches me in the arm. “I mean it. Go!” Then she pushes me. I stumble to my feet.
“Thanks, Quynn. And I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. Really… I didn’t ever want to hurt you. And I’m sorry if I did.”
Half her mouth pulls up. “You couldn’t hurt me even if you tried.” She waves me off. “Please don’t let me get in the way of what I can tell, is head over heels lovey dovey stuff.”
I chuckle, study her face once more before takin’ off down the road, finally feelin’ guilt free about leavin’ Quynn behind me.