Reason 25: When you’re pissed at me, I turn into a depressed slob who can’t stop listenin’ to that pop crap
It’s the ass room again. I did go to that party, came home and crashed on the bed and stayed there till Mom and Dad came home. It’s amazin’ how in the course of twenty-four hours, my room is stock full of dirty laundry and pizza boxes.
And I don’t give a shit.
The whole time at the party I wanted to tell Quynn. I wanted to be straight with her. I’m with Hayley. Sorry if I gave you the wrong idea. But the words never came out. ‘Cause I’m not with Hayles. Not anymore. Or was I ever?
So I drank myself into a stupor, and I’ve spent all day burpin’ up pizza and garlic bread, and listenin’ to Katy Perry on repeat.
“I’m never leaving you alone again.” Mom comes in and whips open the window. I groan and throw the pillow over my head. “Have you even left this room today?”
“Just to piss,” I mumble into the mattress. They took a cab home since I didn’t get my ass out of bed to pick ‘em up like I’d planned. I was goin’ to have Hayley come with me, but that was before things went to the crapper.
The pillow gets ripped off my head.
“Uh oh.” Mom goes to sit on my bed, but changes her mind when she spots a pizza slice stuck to the sheets. “Um…” She swallows back whatever chunks rose in her throat. “What happened, honey?”
Not goin’ to talk about this with my mom. So I give her a “Nothin’” and turn my face back into the mattress.
“Don’t you dare lie to me. I’d throw a tomato in your face, but right now I doubt it would do anything.”
She’s right. I may puke, but I puked all mornin’, so I couldn’t give a damn right now.
“Did something happen with Gabe?”
I shake my head, but it gives me a headache so I stop.
“Quynn?”
“Ma, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“So it is about Quynn.”
I grab the back of my head and try to force my face farther into the bed. It’s not doin’ anythin’ though. Just makin’ my temples ache. Doesn’t hurt as much as what’s goin’ on in my chest though.
“She’ll come around. She’s always liked you.”
“It’s not that, Mom. Please, just leave it alone.”
“You know I won’t do that.”
Why is it so hard? Why is it hard to talk about Hayley in a ‘more than friends’ way?
I know why. I just don’t want to admit it even to myself. Because it would make me a dumbass. A hypocritical dumbass.
I don’t want to see the look on people’s faces when I tell them I’m in love with the… FFF.
But this is Mom. She’ll keep pushin’ and pushin’ till I’ve leaked out all my insides.
“It’s not Quynn.” I turn around so I’m talkin’ to the ceiling. “It’s Hayley.”
“Oh!”
Her shock whenever I say Hayley’s name is gettin’ old. And I won’t look at her. I don’t want to see her expression.
“Come on, Mom. You had to have figured out I liked her.”
“Actually, honey, I didn’t. You never talked about her really. Just referred to her as a friend, a signing partner. I haven’t even officially met her yet. Only saw her from a distance, and she didn’t seem like your type of girl.”
My forehead crinkles, and I look at her. “What do you mean by that?” I’m snappin’. This is why I didn’t want to say anythin’.
She shrugs and waves her hand through the air. “Ah, nothing. Just first impression.”
After watchin’ her for a few seconds, tryin’ to figure out if she’s lyin’ to me, I give up and put my head back down on the pillows.
“She’s amazin’. Been through a bunch of crap, but still manages to be just so… awesome. She’s fun, funny, it’s never awkward around her. All the crap with Gabe, with my grades, all the other stuff goin’ on that sucks, just goes away when I’m around her. I’m a better person when I’m with her. Less angry.”
It’s quiet, except for Mom’s breathin’ and me tryin’ to push back the tears I thought I had cried out already.
“I messed up. I was too afraid to tell Quynn about her. Too scared to tell anyone about her. I don’t know why.”
I sit up, leaning my elbows on my knees. “I love her, Mom. How do I fix it?”
She gives me a big grin. One of those, ‘silly boy, the answer is starin’ you in the face’ smiles. A Mom smile.
“That’s easy, hun.”
“It is?”
She nods. “You’ve already done what she needs from you.”
“I have?”
“You told me about her.” She comes to the side of my bed and rubs my arm. I don’t shrug her off. “All she wants is to know you’re in this one-hundred percent before she lets go completely. Girls are very protective of their hearts. They need to know their guy won’t be ashamed to show them off, kiss them in public, and of course, she needs to know you’re over any… old flames.”
She pinches my elbow. I pull it back and give her a glare.
“If you can’t tell Quynn about Hayley, then maybe you don’t love her as much as you think you do.”
Ouch, Mom. But, crap, she’s right.
I nod and scrape off the pizza stuck to my sheets and throw it in an empty box on the floor. Mom makes a face before grabbing the garbage and gettin’ to the doorway.
“Oh, and honey?”
“Yeah?”
“I didn’t peg you for a Katy Perry fan.” She ducks out the door as my pillow goes flyin’ across the room at her.