Reason 21: You can put boob marks in all my shirts and I won’t care
What do you wear to a party you don’t want to go to? Nothin’? Yeah, showin’ up buck ass naked will be a sure sign of, ‘I’m not into you. Sorry if I led you on.’ This stuff is messed up, I’m tellin’ ya.
I called Tanner, but he didn’t pick up. Sent him a text instead, which I’m sure shocked the crap out of him. Probably made him wonder if it was really me.
Then, just for the fun of it, I invited Hayles too. I know the answer will be no, but I’m kind of hopin’ her plans got changed or somethin’. She hasn’t said a word since I dropped her off—late—on Monday. No text, no calls… I may as well have had fifty conversations by myself.
I’m hopin’ we’re at least still on for tomorrow. It’ll be no tattoo parlor, but I’ve got my list ready for her.
I run my hand over my wrist before grabbin’ my wristband to cover up the tatt. I’m finally able to wear it again without it itchin’. Then I put on the first shirt and jeans that don’t smell like butt and get out of my room. I’ve cleaned it—Mom will be proud—but I’m still in the midst of laundry. There were a lot of clothes under the bed. Among other things.
Grabbin’ the keys, I do a mental checklist of everythin’ in the house. Back door, locked. Windows closed. Hall light on. No text from Hayles or Tanner. And fly… whoops, better zip that up.
All right, I’m done stallin’. Better get this over with.
It’s still raining. Pouring buckets as Dad would say. Nothin’ like living in the central point of God’s showerhead.
And because I’m majorly pathetic, I take the long route to Jamie’s house. I have to drive by Hayley’s just to see if she’s really not some sexually frustrated fantasy I’ve concocted over the past few weeks.
Nope, her house is still there. Lights out except for the porch light. Guess Hayles did have somethin’ goin’ on tonight. Not that she’d lie about it, but I know she hides things from me.
I’m about to turn off the road when something in her driveway catches my eye. A shadowy figure crouched on the ground, shakin’ and tryin’ to keep dry under the very little covering the garage has.
Holy shit.
I slam on the brakes and back up. Then I park the big truck against the curb. I’m texting and sprinting at the same time, tellin’ Quynn I won’t be there, then jammin’ my phone in my pocket before lifting a soaking wet chin up so her eyes meet mine.
“Hayles, what the h—?”
“B-Brody? What are y-you doing h-here?”
“Are you locked out?”
She nods, teeth chattering as her whole body goes into tremors.
“Why didn’t you call someone?”
She tucks her hand in her pocket, pullin’ out her phone. “W-waterlogged.”
Crap, is this what happened before?
“When will your mom be home?”
She shrugs… I think. She’s shivering too much for me to tell. I grab her and pull her to her feet.
“Come on. I’m takin’ you to my house.”
She doesn’t argue, but she doesn’t let me hold on to her either. She curls into herself and I can’t be sure, because of the rain, but I think she’s cryin’.
The heater’s up all the way as I go back to my house, tryin’ not to hydroplane. When we get there, she still won’t let me touch her. Just walks alongside me and stands in my doorway while I run to get her a towel.
“You know what?” I say after tryin’ to dry her off, and it not working at all. “Just go take a warm shower.”
Her eyes flick up to meet mine. Those sexy eyes I’ve been thinkin’ about. “Y-your p-parents w-won’t m-mind?”
Wish she’d let me rub her arms. She’s freezin’. “They’re not here. Please, go warm up.”
“I-I don’t h-have any e-extra clothes.”
“You can borrow some of mine, and I’ll stick yours in the dryer.”
She rolls her eyes and attempts a smile. “I-I won’t f-fit in y-your clothes.”
“Knock it off.” I go for her hand, but she pulls it out of my way. “Go take a shower, all right? I’ll give you a sweater and some pants and I guarantee they’ll be fine.”
She shakes her head, but goes upstairs to the bathroom while I run and grab the cleanest stuff I can find.
“Here,” I say as I open the door a crack to hand her my clothes. When I feel the weight off my arm I pull it back out and leave her to it. I hear a small ‘thanks’ before I get back downstairs.
This is the part where I speed clean. After getting into some dry clothes of my own of course. Livin’ by myself for the past few days made the whole house try to do an ass room impression. I get the couch cleared off and the kitchen sink emptied, then hurry to my room to do a double check. And spray cologne all over it. Again, not like I’m expectin’ her to be in here, but what if she needs to stay the night? She can take my bed, and I’ll sleep in Mom and Dad’s. Or take the couch. No biggie.
I hear the water shut off just as I clear out the dryer so it’s open for her clothes. She’s goin’ to be wearin’ my underwear, my sweater, no bra. Whoa, things are shiftin’ around and I haven’t even seen her yet.
And damn it, I can’t be some horny jackhole right now. There’s somethin’ really screwed up goin’ on in her life, and she’s going to tell me about it. Even if I have to force her into twenty questions.
“Hey.”
She’s got an arm wrapped around her chest and the other holdin’ out her soggy clothes. The hoodie isn’t tight, not baggy, but not tight, and the pants fit. I give her an ‘I told you so’ look before grabbin’ her stuff and throwin’ it in the dryer. The bra misses, hittin’ the floor, and I quickly pick it up by two fingers and chuck it in, slamming the door behind it. She’s laughin’ at me as I start the dryer.
“It’s just a bra.”
“Yeah, yeah.” I motion her to the couch. “You want somethin’ to drink?” Dude this sounds familiar. Was doin’ this with another girl not five hours ago. But it’s different now.
“Something warm, please.”
“‘Course.”
Only thing I got is apple cider. I call from the kitchen to make sure she’s okay with that. She is, so I make two mugs and try to sit as close as she’ll allow me to.
“Ooh, yummy. Thank you.” She’s smilin’ her Hayles smile and tuggin’ at the hoodie.
“Is it itchy or somethin’?” I point to her stomach where she’s pullin’ the sweater away from her body.
“No, I just don’t want to put boob marks in it.” She laughs. “But I think it’s impossible. It’ll be a little stretched out in the chest region for you.”
“You can keep it if you want,” I say before taking a gulp of the boiling cider. My eyes water and I shut them as I try to push back the burn in my throat. She starts laughin’.
“You know, you can sip that and I won’t think you’ll be any less of a man.”
I push her leg and set the mug down. “Are you warm enough?”
She nods, blowing across her drink before taking a sip.
“All right, then, now is when you tell me what you were doin’ out in the rain like that.”
It’s amazin’ how just in the few weeks I’ve known her—really known her—I can tell when she’s about to shrug off a question like it’s no big deal. Her eyes go to the most borin’ thing in the room, and the corner of her lip tugs upward with her shoulder. She opens her mouth, to tell me the big lie she’s got ready for me, and I cut her off.
“Hayles. I mean it.” I take the cup out of her hands and put it on the coffee table next to mine. Sliding my fingers on her knee, I make sure she’s lookin’ at me before I say anythin’ else. Takes a minute, but she finally locks gazes. “Don’t hide this from me anymore. Somethin’s wrong, and I can’t stand to see you like this.”
“Like what?” she whispers.
I press the crinkle between her eyebrows and smooth it out. “Scared.”
A flicker of a smile crosses her face, and she holds my hand to her cheek. I know it’s not the right time, but I’m leanin’ toward her anyway. Ready to press my lips to hers. To take away all the pain I know she’s feelin’ but not tellin’ me about. She’s so beautiful. Even scared and sad like this.
I get close enough to taste her breath, then she drops my hand and turns, giving me her cheek.
I don’t mean to growl, but I do.
She looks back at me, catching my face between her hands. “I’m sorry.” She’s not lyin’. “I want you to kiss me, I do.”
“But…?”
Another flicker of a smile. “It’s my first time kissing someone. I want it to… I want to make sure it really means something.”
Ouch.
“It won’t mean somethin’ with me?”
She drops her hands. “You mean more to me than you should. But, I still think you’re hung on Quynn. I don’t want to let you in only to have you run off with her.”
My mouth hangs open. I’m pretty sure I look like a fool. Is this really what she thinks? I’ll pull a Gabe?
I’m. Not. Like. That.
“You think I could do that to you?” Damn it, now I’m pissed. Not the time for it since there’s somethin’ a lot worse buggin’ her. Still, it sucks she thinks that about me.
“Not on purpose.”
I sit back as far as I can on the other end of the couch, shakin’ my head at my feet. “I don’t understand, Hayles. I need you to tell me what’s goin’ on. Why you’d think I’d do that to you. Why you won’t let anyone in. Why you called me to pick you up on Monday. Why you were sittin’ in the rain. Why you don’t want me to meet your mom.” I bury my face in my hands. “I want to help, be there for you, but I can’t if I don’t know anythin’. I can’t if you don’t let me.”
Yeah, I said that all out loud. Well, muffled into my fingers. I won’t look at her, too afraid she’s pissed and she’ll just walk away, leavin’ me with the list in my pocket.
I hear a deep breath from the other end of the couch. Still won’t look at her, and I can’t tell if she’s frustrated, hurt, or what, just off that sigh.
“She doesn’t want me to meet him.”
My eyebrows pinch together, and I glance at her through my hands. She’s pickin’ at a loose thread on the pocket of the hoodie. “What?”
“That’s why I was sitting outside. My mom doesn’t want me to meet Daniel until I’m… thinner.”
I gulp, sitting up straight. “Who’s Daniel?”
“Mom’s boyfriend.”
That small part of me that was worried about whoever this Daniel was whoops for joy in my stomach.
“So you were sittin’ in the rain because…?”
She throws her head against the cushion of the couch and talks to the ceiling. “She told me she was going to go over some menus and stuff with me tonight. She’s making me see a health specialist. But Daniel pulled up and surprised her with a date. She shoved me outside, and I guess she forgot to leave the door unlocked when she left.”
She sighs, tilting her head forward. Tears are forming at the outer corners of her eyes. “I didn’t tell you because it’s embarrassing. It just confirms what I’ve been trying to ignore.”
“Which is what?”
“That I’m not good enough for anyone. I’m too… big to have someone like me the way you say you do.”
The tears finally spill over, and she quickly swipes them away. I scoot closer to her again, takin’ it all in. All the pieces comin’ together about why she looks at herself the way she does. I had no idea it was so bad. ‘Cause she never told me.
“On Monday, I had my first appointment with the health specialist. She told my mom I needed more exercise, you know, the same old crap they all say. Well, my mom thought it would be good for me to walk home. So she took me to where you picked me up, and left me there. Said if I didn’t get home within an hour, I wouldn’t get dinner.” She chuckles, but it sounds off. “It’s like I’m five.”
I shake my head. “That’s messed up.” I know I should say somethin’ better than that, but she laughs and swipes another tear from her face.
“So, I called you because, well, you saw that place! It was freaking scary! And who cares if I got dinner that night? It was probably a glass of water and a broccoli floret.”
She’s laughin’ now, but still cryin’. I know I’m pushing my boundaries when I clasp her wrist and guide her onto my chest. She goes, but hesitantly.
“I’m sorry you have to deal with this crap.” So eloquent, Brody. “For the record, I don’t think you need to see a health specialist. I don’t think you need to change anythin’ about you. You’re…you’re perfect.”
She traces the design on my shirt, not sayin’ anythin’.
“And… uh…” I gulp. “Thanks.”
She looks up at me. “For what?”
“Trustin’ me enough to tell me all of that.”
Her face goes back into my armpit. “Can I ask you a silly question?”
I let out a breathless chuckle. “Sure.”
“You don’t mind touching me?”
Man, I want to touch her more. “That is a silly question,” I say, squeezing her. “I feel like I’m tryin’ to grope you every time we’re together.”
We laugh together, her head jiggling around on my stomach.
“Why would you think I minded?”
“Well, ‘cause I’m probably, uh, squishier than most girls.”
Darn girl.
“You know, whenever you let me touch you, even when it’s just like this, laying on my chest, you make me feel like I’ve won some sort of prize. You need to stop bein’ so self-conscious, Hayles. I love touchin’ you.”
She shrugs out of my grasp, and I get real confused for a second, ‘cause I thought I nailed that one. Then she leaps on top of me, straddling me and hugging me around my neck.
Holy hell, this is happenin’! I knew I nailed it!
I wrap my hands around her waist, pulling her closer to me. We’re both laughin’, and I’m not sure why. Her laugh just makes me laugh.
We sit there for a while, talkin’ and she keeps herself planted on my lap. My legs are fallin’ asleep, and I’m not all that comfortable, but who cares? She asks where my parents are, and I tell her the embarrassing display I was witness to. She laughs and tells me she likes my parents already. Like she’s plannin’ on meetin’ them someday. Someday soon. I like that. Makes things between us seem more real. She’s startin’ to get it.
The dryer buzzes, and that’s when I stumble off the couch to get her clothes. I’m stompin’ my feet a little harder than I normally do to get rid of the pins and needles in my legs.
I hand Hayley her clothes, and she hesitates. “Can I change in your room?” Her face is bloodshot.
“Sure.” She can today, since it’s clean. I lead her downstairs, then give her privacy after she makes fun of the swimsuit calendar I have on the wall. I’m puttin’ the mugs in the sink when she comes back upstairs.
“I should probably head back home.” She smiles, but it doesn’t go up to her eyes. Yeah, I don’t want her to leave either.
“I’ll give you a ride.”
There’s some kind of awkward tension in the air as I grab the keys and open the door. She pauses in the doorstep, back towards me.
“You okay?”
She nods and turns around, pushin’ her eyes up to meet mine. “Do you… I mean, you don’t think I’m too f—”
“If you say the word ‘fat’ one more time I’m going to knock you upside the head.” I lean against the doorknob, watchin’ the rain fall behind her. “You gotta stop believin’ your mom. She’s wrong. And if she’s too embarrassed by you, then she’s not worth pleasin’. You’re her daughter. That should be good enough.” I pause to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. I’m not afraid to touch her anymore. “You are good enough. At least I think so.”
She smiles her Hayley smile. Then she glances over her shoulder at the pourin’ rain. I really don’t want her to go, but if she thinks her mom’s going to be home, I don’t want to get her in trouble either.
Her head whips back around, scaring me a little. The smile is still on her face, but she looks kind of nervous. And when she says somethin’, I know why.
“Kiss me.”