In the Air (The City Book 1)

"You can't just waltz into my room, say those kinds of things, and expect me to jump all over you!" I yelled at Samson, feeling the veins in my neck began to protrude. I pushed him away, even though every ounce of my being wanted him near. The intensity between us was unmistakable, but having him go from wanting me as a friend one minute, to having feelings for me the next, left me feeling dizzy.

"What can I say to make you understand?" Samson ran his fingers through his hair, and for the first time I noticed that it wasn't in its typical perfect state, but messy. "Natalia, I'm sick of holding myself back. Hiding who I really am just so I can make everyone else happy. It feels right when I'm near you; it feels like everything falls into place."

His hands caressed my cheeks. I gently pulled them away, but held them in my own.

"Samson, my entire life has been a struggle. For me, dance wasn't a secret, but the only option I was ever given. I'm also sick of restraining myself."

He looked at the floor, nodding. "It's so crazy how different our backgrounds are, and yet, they're so similar," Samson said, as his thumb began circling the outside of mine.

"I want to believe everything you're telling me, but it's hard to do when I feel like up until this point, you've only played games with me. How am I supposed to trust you?"

"This is how I feel, Natalia. You can accept it and tell me you feel the same way." Samson's arms encircled my waist.

"Just stop! Don't assume that I have feelings for you. It would be a surprise to know that someone in this world doesn't want you, wouldn't it?" I pushed him away. I hated that Samson assumed I wanted him. He's right, though. He's all I've wanted since he tapped my shoulder.

"I know all about you, Natalia. You're so scared of letting your feelings escape you. The only time I've seen you vulnerable is when you dance." Samson wrapped his muscular arms around my waist, holding me tight against his chest. "Do you have feelings for me, Natalia? If you say you don't, then fine. I'll accept your lie and we'll remain friends."

I felt my blood boil, knowing that my cheeks were already bright pink. "You expect me to just stand here and spill my feelings all over this tacky, carpeted floor? I'm not going to do that." I swallowed the tears that began to rise in my throat.

Samson looked down at me, his face wiped of all emotion. He shook his head and broke the embrace.

"You're not the girl I thought you were." He turned to walk out the door, but stopped for what felt like forever. "No. This is bullshit." He turned back around and marched to the spot directly in front of me. "You are that girl. You can deny it all you want, but the moment I saw you, I knew you'd be the girl that would make me happy."

Before I had a chance to turn away, Samson pushed his lips against mine. Every word that was stuck in my throat dissolved, leaving my mind whirling. I wasn't finished being angry at him. I wanted to yell and throw things, but as soon as he kissed me, my entire body went slack. He made me forget we were fighting.

"How do you do that?" I asked, out of breath.

"Do what? This?" Samson bent forward and kissed me again, more forceful this time. "Are you done yelling at me or do I need to kiss you some more?"

I opened my eyes to peek up at Samson and saw the sincere look on his face.

"Yes, I have feelings for you, but it scares the shit out of me. When you kissed me the first night, it was like all of the coldness I felt toward you evaporated, but the second you left, it refroze into a glacier. How am I supposed to believe what you're saying when you pull me in only to push me away?"

Samson contemplated my question. Before he spoke, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment. "Do you remember in the cafe, when I was telling you about my father and how completely screwed up his way of thinking is? How he's never been happy with me?"

"I remember." My voice was low. My throat felt raw.

"Being surrounded by that every day of my life, that's the reason I am the way I am. There weren't many people in my life that knew the real me, and I never cared that much until I met you. I want to show you exactly who I am. Just let me do that."

I reached my hand up to cradle his face. "I can try doing the same."

When Samson's lips touched mine this time, I could have sworn I was sinking into the ground. After what felt like hours, I pulled away. Samson opened his eyes, a look of concern on his face.

"I don't want to take things too quickly. You just ended things with your girlfriend."

I stepped away. His smile almost made me forget I'd just told him I wanted to take things slowly. I had gotten my heart shattered once, and I never wanted to feel that way again. I had to walk into this with both eyes open, slowly dip my toes in. If all remained steady, then I'd submerge my whole self.

Samson's phone vibrated. After looking to see who it was, he looked back at me with an irritated look on his face. "I should take this. I'll be right back." He turned and answered the call as he walked out of the room.

I knew it was his girlfriend, Aubrey. Or, ex-girlfriend. I felt a sudden pang of jealousy in my stomach, like I'd just been punched by Mike Tyson. I should have felt guilty. Here was Samson, kissing me and telling me he liked me, on the same day that he broke up with his childhood sweetheart. I must have lost my mind. It was irrational to jump to conclusions, but I couldn't stop thinking that he would take back everything he said and run back to Aubrey. I stood in the center of my room, thanking God that Kingsley wasn't here to witness the show. She would say something like, "I told you Samson was an a*shole."

After ten minutes, I wondered if Samson was even outside my room anymore. I placed my ear to the door but it was no use, I couldn't hear anything but the students exiting their rooms and chatter filling the hallway. This is what it had come to. I had developed feelings for a guy who stood on the opposite side of my door talking to his ex-girlfriend.





"Hello?" I softly closed Natalia's door. I knew I probably shouldn't have answered, but the way things had ended on the street corner with Aubrey felt wrong.

All I heard on the other side of the call was sniffling. It made me feel like a complete a*shole.

"Aubs?"

"What did we do, Samson? I never thought we'd break up." Aubrey continued weeping into the phone, her words muffled.

"I know it's upsetting, but–"

"You're not even upset!" Aubrey accused.

"I am, but I think this is the best thing for us. We need to allow ourselves to be happy. Aubrey, we stopped being happy a long time ago."

Natalia was on the other side of the door and I was eager to get off the phone. I felt like I was being torn in two. I didn't want Natalia waiting for me, knowing exactly who I was talking to, but I also didn't want Aubrey destroyed.

"I never stopped being happy! You're my best friend, Samson. I can't lose you to someone else." Her tone was persistent. She was determined to mend things between us.

"You'll never lose me, Aubrey. We're always going to be in each other's lives, we just need to figure out who we are when we're apart." My voice remained calm.

"That's ridiculous. Without you, I'm nothing."

Her words tugged at my heart. I used to feel that way about her, but that feeling was gone.

"I'm sorry, Aubrey–"

"No, you're not," she cut me off. "You and this girl will be riding off into the f*cking sunset in no time!" Aubrey's voice rose.

The hurt in her voice made me feel sick. I hated myself in that moment. "I'm not with Natalia!" I shouted. I quickly lowered my voice. "I'm not with anyone." The truth was slightly omitted to protect Aubrey's feelings. Natalia and I agreed to take things slow, neither of us wanting to rush into anything. I wasn't with anyone yet.

"Natalia? Is that her name?" Aubrey seethed.

"Aubrey, I didn't answer this call to argue."

"Her name doesn't matter anyway. You'll get bored with her in a few weeks and see that leaving me was the worst decision you've ever made."

"How can you be so sure that we are supposed to be together? We've never experienced anything else. We stayed together this whole time because it was all we ever knew."

"I can't believe you!" she shouted into the phone. "When you're finished being a disgusting piece of shit, you'll come crawling back home!"

Aubrey hung up on me, as usual. For a moment, I wondered if I was doing the right thing. I came to New York to dance. Feelings for Natalia appeared out of nowhere, but if I didn't allow myself to discover their meaning, I would always wonder. I stuffed my phone back into my pocket, took a few relaxing breaths, and turned the knob to Natalia's door. When I entered the room, Natalia looked like she'd just been caught robbing a bank.

"Everything okay in here?" I ran my hand through my hair.

"Yup. Everything is good," Natalia said innocently.

"I'm sorry about that. It was Aubrey." I was still fuming from the phone call. I needed to calm down. I needed a drink.

"Is everything okay between you two?"

"If you're asking in girl code if Aubrey and I are back together, the answer is no." I walked closer to Natalia, our noses practically touching. "So, we both agreed we'd take things slow, but how slow are we talking?" I smiled down at Natalia while she warily looked at me. "Are you thinking just pecks on the cheek?" I bent down and kissed her cheek. "Are you thinking, maybe holding hands?" I entwined our fingers. "What about this?" My lips finally met hers.

Breaking away, Natalia peeked up at me from behind her eyelashes and smiled. "How about we go outside and enjoy the New York weather? I haven't had much time to explore and you seem to know your way around. You can be my personal tour guide."

"Or, we can stay inside and do some personal exploration of our own?" She rolled her eyes and started laughing. Soon enough, I was joining in. After a few seconds of laughter, I conceded. "Or, we can go outside and I can be your tour guide. You're bossy, you know that, right?"

Natalia's arms went around my neck and pushed our foreheads together. "Let's do this."

The New York streets were filled with traffic, and people were out enjoying their Sunday. We walked down Columbus, passing a staggering number of upscale shops. We found a Starbucks, and Natalia refused to walk any further without caffeine. I knew the feeling; I was a caffeine addict myself. Once we re-fueled, we continued to walk the busy street.

Every time our arms brushed, we'd look at each other and laugh. I thought about reaching out to hold her hand, but figured it would go against taking things slow. We passed the streets, running through the crosswalks and dodging the advancing cars. Natalia wasn't used to the city, so each time we came to a crosswalk, she would stop, insisting we wait for the walk signal. Each time I would drag her along when no cars were in sight, even if the safety symbol wasn't displayed. She was such a newbie and I had to teach her to brave the traffic. If she waited for every walk signal in the city, she'd be late a lot.

"How are you ever going to call yourself a New Yorker if you can't cross the street on a red light?" I laughed. Still smiling, I continued, "I want to show you something. You up for an adventure?"

"Always. Where?" she asked, excited.

"You'll see."

When we reached the entrance to Central Park, Natalia was in awe. Her face was breathtaking. I remembered how it felt seeing it for the first time. My mother brought me here. I was twelve and we had just finished having brunch at Sirio. She told me she had a surprise waiting for me and we had to hurry. We ran through the streets, laughing, arms linked. When we reached the park, I held the same look Natalia did.

"Come on," I took Natalia's hand and lead the way to an old, wooden bench.

"This is what you wanted to show me?"

"Look," I pointed to the small silver sign posted on the backrest of the bench, "this is what I wanted to show you." She tried to read the inscription aloud.

"Pour la personne la plus extraordinaire que je connaisse. Continue de danser."

The way she read the French inscription was hilarious. Obviously, she'd never studied the language.

"Don't laugh at me! What does that mean?"

I repeated the French inscription, and then said it in English: "'To the most extraordinary person I know. Keep dancing.' My mother had this bench inscribed for me. The day she surprised me with it was the day that confirmed what I wanted to do for the rest of my life."

"That's beautiful. Your mom is very supportive of you." Natalia's hand found mine, as we sat side by side.

"She's only supportive when my dad's not around. He has no idea she did this for me. If he found out, he would probably have it torn down." The day my mother revealed the park bench, she reminded me that it was our little secret, and to never let my father find out. He frightened her. My father had never been physically abusive to either of us, but he had ways of making anyone do what he wanted. Except for me. "So, that's what I wanted to show you." I rubbed my hand along the weathered wood, remembering all the happy times I'd had in this very spot. I'd been coming here for the past six years, sometimes just sitting and listening to music.

I could have sat at that bench the rest of the day with Natalia, but we left to visit a few clothing stores before heading back to the dorm.

"Burberry. We have to go in here," I demanded. I could never pass a Burberry and not go in.

"I can't even afford to buy a sock in that place. Do we really have to go in? I feel like the sales associates judge me every time I go in there." Natalia's face scrunched up and she looked like a five-year-old who had just had their toy taken away.

"Five minutes. That's all. I just have to check out their new stuff."

Natalia crossed her arms and huffed. "You know it's not considered new once you've already seen it, right?" she asked, annoyed.

"I haven't seen the stuff, actually. Let's go." I pulled her arm, practically dragging her inside.

A tall, blonde, and rather stone-faced sales associate greeted us as we entered, without leaving her spot at the counter. I was surprised she hadn't recognized me, since I was a frequent shopper at this store. I walked over to the sweater section as Natalia dragged her feet behind me.

"Are you really that unhappy that we're here?" I turned to look at her just as she was making faces at my back. "How old are you?"

"Everything in this store is a rip-off."

"Are you really a girl, or are you just pretending?" I lightly squeezed her arms to check for muscles. "I don't feel any crazy biceps." She swatted my arms away.

"I'm just a smart consumer who doesn't like to get raped in the ass by credit card companies!"

My jaw dropped from her statement. I wasn't used to being in the presence of someone so economical. "It's a good thing my dad pays the bill."

With that, she dramatically rolled her eyes and pretended to gag. "Oh, look." She reached around me and snatched a blue cashmere sweater from the rack. "This would look great on you. Buy it. Let's go." She shoved the sweater into my arms and started walking to the register.

"I already have this," I called.

Natalia stopped, turned around, and huffed loudly.

"Fine, we'll go," I hung the sweater back on its hanger and followed Natalia out the door. "I'm never shopping with you again."

As soon as our feet hit the sidewalk, a smile appeared on Natalia's face.

"You got your way." I started to bow down to her, but she stopped me.

"That's not funny!" Her hands met my waist, and she laughed freely.

"You pick somewhere for us to go and I'll just follow." I gave my best pouty face, hoping she'd lean over and kiss me.

"Oh, Samson. Don't be such a baby." She reached her hand up and playfully slapped my cheek.

Did she seriously just slap me?