Into That Forest

Into That Forest - By Louis Nowra


FOR VINCENT WARD

Me name be Hannah O’Brien and I be seventy-six years old. Me first thing is an apology me language is bad cos I lost it and had to learn it again. But here’s me story and I be glad to tell it before I hop the twig.





I were born in Tasmania, born not in a hospital but here in the backblocks. In this actual house. It is crumbling round me ears now, but the roof hardly leaks and if I chop enough wood I can heat the place when it snows. Though I live here by meself I am not lonely. I got a wedding photograph of me mother and me father when men wore beards and sat down for the picture while me mother wears a wedding dress and stands beside him. And there’s me father’s harpoon hanging from the living room wall with its cracked wooden handle and rusted blade. Me only new thing is the cabinet with a radio in it which Mr Dixon down at the general store gave me. I can’t hack it. There always be mongrel music in it, like it’s shouting all the time. Anyway, I’d sooner yabber to meself than listen to those voices inside that box. I reckon I need new curtains, these are a bit dusty and fraying, but they keep out the summer light when it’s so strong it hurts me eyes.



I think me uncle built this house. He gave it to me father. It were a present. At that time we were the only house for miles and miles. Me father wanted to live in a place near water - if not the sea, then a river. Me mother liked rivers and so the house were a give-and-take for the both of them. From the verandah we could almost touch the Munro River as it flowed down to the sea. I had no brothers or sisters. I don’t know why. There were a problem, I think. I’d hear me mother crying buckets in me father’s arms and hear him say, like to a child, There, there, we got Hannah.

Me first memories, well, the thing is, and this be strange when I think about it, but me first memories, they are really me father’s. Maybe not even his memories, maybe his stories. I’d drop into a swoon of gladness when he come to me bedroom to put me to sleep and he’d tell me ’bout his adventures. He were a whaler and when he came back after travelling the seas, he’d tell me these stories, stories about places and things he’d set eyes on. I s’pose me mind made them me own so I thought it was me, Hannah, in the Philippines and I could see two black men in a boat, the sort hacked out of a log, and they were waiting for a whale shark. When it came, one fisherman jumped out of the boat onto the back of the whale shark and rode it like it were a brumby and at the same time he stabbed it in the back til it croaked. In the South Seas, in water so clear you could see right down to the bottom where queer fish swim, a fisherman jumped into the sea with a banana in his mouth. He spitted bits of the banana at a huge groper which gobbled them up, all the time coming closer and closer til the fisherman caught that big fish in his bare hands. There were another time when me father were at the bow and a sperm whale, big as a house, were harpooned and the whale boat, stuck fast to the wounded whale, were dragged along at a wild speed towards the sun on the horizon til the monster carked it of exhaustion. One time me father were at anchor in Western Australia when he seen a gin on a beach and she were singing a song, an uncanny song like you sing to ghosts, but it called to the whales. One whale, a minke, came to shore sucked in by her song and beached itself like a sacrifice for her. On the Tasmanian coast, near South Bruny, a whale were winched into the flensing yard where a big puncture were cut into the back of the creature and an old man, he crippled with tuberculosis so bad that he walked on all fours, were put into it, like a plug down a hole. He was pulled out half a day later and all the workers were thunderstruck cos this fellow could walk and he was straight-backed. He had been cured.

When me father came home from his voyages, you knew. When me mother and I lived by ourselves everything were quiet, but when me father were in the house there were singing and me mother kept bursting into giggles and me father’s footsteps were loud and happy. One time when I were ’bout five he brought back some stuff from inside a whale. He had carved it out from deep inside its spout. It were like a small, grey, ugly sponge. He put it in a jar and sometimes I opened the lid and sniffed it. It half stank of dead, putrid things from the sea but when I got past that stink I smelt perfume, ever so sweet: a rosy, sugary mist. Me father said it were worth more than gold but he never tried to sell it - it were to be me dowry. He had lots of memories of his whaling - there were a harpoon on the wall, baleen always drying on the back verandah, rigging ropes and cutting blades so sharp that when the sun shone on the blades it cut the shine up into thin pieces. People smile when I say that, but I seen it with me own eyes.

His times away growed longer cos whales were harder to find. Once Derwent River were so choked with whales that it were just a matter of going out in a boat and harpooning - you could do it wearing a blindfold, there were so many right whales using the river as a nursery. The people of Hobart used to complain that they couldn’t sleep cos of all the whales blowing all the time. That’s how many there were, me father said. Now he had to go to all parts of the globe. Me mother and me were close, like sisters, when me father were away. She taught me to read and write. I were very keen on animals, especially Sam the pig. He were as big as a beer barrel and he allowed me to ride him. I spent a lot of time with him, talking to him in grunts and snuffles. I never made fun of him by going Oink, oink. Me mother used to get worried. Why you talking to Sam like he were a person? But I were lonely being a child in the bush by meself, and, you know, I were just a little girl, but I’d look at Sam as I were talking to him and he’d seem to understand, like he were listening really hard to me.

Cos I liked being outside and playing, I were always dirty and me mother would shake her head and say, You’re grubby or filthy, but never clean, Hannah. I couldn’t help it. If I ate food at the table, some of it would always slide out of the side of me mouth and plop onto me clothes. There’s a cobweb across two trees in the back yard, well, I don’t know how I do it, but pretty soon I’m wearing it like a hair net. Me hair were always such a mess that me mother shoved a bowl on me head and cut me hair - it were a real basin cut. It didn’t bother me. But I must oppose meself here. Sometimes I did feel green with envy when me mum would take the pins out of her hair and let it fall down her back. It made her look like one of those mermaids in me picture books. I still remember her cry of Oh no, Hannah when I brung home wounded birds or wallaby joeys or blue-tongues. I were always sad to see animals hurt.

Cos our house were far from any town we didn’t see many people. We might get a prospector passing by on his way out west where people said there were mountains of gold in places even the blackfellas had been too scared to live. A few times we had this same bounty hunter (or as we called them, tiger man) sleep in the barn for the night. He got paid for the number of tigers he killed. I forget his name, but he had ginger hair and a beard and stank something terrible because he’d rolled in tiger dung and piss, and he had yellow hands and teeth cos a cigarette were never out of his mouth or fingers. Me mother sticked lavender up her nose when he had tea with us so she didn’t have to breathe his pong, but as the tiger man said, he had to smell like his prey so they wouldn’t take flight when he came along. He told us how he caught two tiger pups and put them in a hessian bag and, knowing their mother were watching what he was doing from where she were hidden in the tall grass and ferns, he threw the bag into the lake and then walked off like he were leaving, but really he hid himself behind a tree and waited for the mother to rush down to the lake to rescue her pups. And when she did, he shot her. He showed no grief in telling us the story - he were skiting, actually - cos the tigers killed sheep, so many that the farmers cried poor. After he killed the mother he yanked the two pups from the bag and strangled them. When I said I felt sorry for the mother and pups the hunter said yes it were terrible, but either humans starved or the tigers did.

The closest people to us lived three hours away. Mr Carsons were a widower and a sheep farmer. His property were by itself between tarn country and wild bush. The tiger hunter stayed with him a lot and he killed dozens of tigers that ate Mr Carsons’ sheep. Mr Carsons had a daughter called Rebecca, though she liked to be called Becky. She were a year and a half older than me. She had no mother. Her mother got sick one day and the next day she were covered in purple sores. While Becky’s father were getting the buggy ready to take her to Hobart hospital, Becky found her mother near the shearing shed, naked as the day she were born, scratching at her sores, foaming at the mouth and crying out to Jesus to help the pain stop. Becky called out to her father but when he came the poor woman were gone to God.

I did not see Becky much, maybe ten times in two years, but we were the only girls in me whole world and so when we met we were close cos she were lonely too. She were like her father. He had this air ’bout him, he always seemed to be thinking deep thoughts or were glum like an undertaker. When they visited us they always wore their Sunday best. He’d be wearing a black suit and she’d have a lovely blue or pink dress. Oh yes, do not let me forget this - she always wore a cameo of a beautiful woman, who Becky told me were her mother.

One day when I were ’bout six years old - me dates are fuzzy but you will understand why later - me father, who was back from a long voyage, told us that Becky were coming to stay for two days cos Mr Carsons were going into Blackwood to buy a new buggy. She had only stayed overnight once - and that was the year before - so me father’s news made me shiver with pleasure. I were beside meself on the morning of her coming. I couldn’t sit still. I were running through the house, sitting on the verandah chair waiting for them, then, quick as a flash, I’d be down to the track to see if they were coming. I run into me parents’ bedroom to ask them again ’bout when Becky were coming and I seen me father tying up me mother in a corset. She never wore them when he were whaling but when he was back home she were never without one. It made her look so beautiful. She walked differently, not walked but glided like she were floating a foot above the ground. I knew it were to please me father and in pleasing him she were always in a daze of happiness.

Then Becky arrived in an old buggy with her father. I were so excited to clap eyes on her. I tingle now, thinking about it. You see, I were an alone kid most of me time with just me mother and maybe me father and Sam, me pig. Becky looked gorgeous in her Sunday best with her long golden hair falling down her back. Oh, how I were jealous of that hair cos I had a basin cut and me hair were black like dirt. Her father only stayed for a short time cos it were a long ride into Blackwood. He said he would be back the next evening to have tea with us and stay overnight.

Me father had plans for a picnic, so while he and me mother got everything ready, I took Becky into me parents’ bedroom and I showed her one of me mother’s corsets hanging from its stand. It had been made especially for her from baleen me father had got from a whale he harpooned. Becky knew nil ’bout whales and were amazed when I told her ’bout the baleen. That pleased me cos she were smarter and a year older than me and could spell words like encyclopaedia and Tasmania. Then I dragged her into the living room where I unscrewed the lid of the glass jar and shoved her nose down into it. Her face went all wrinkles when she first smelt the stink, but I told her to keep sniffing and then she smiled cos she could smell the musty, sweet scent. I told her how me father had taken it from inside a whale - and she went Pooh. I told her how expensive it were - worth twice as much as gold - cos perfume makers need it for their perfumes.

It were going on late morning when the four of us set out in me father’s small boat. Me father had one oar and Becky and I pulled on the other til we were so tired that me mother took over. The water were brittle cold, and so clear you could see the pale pebbles on the bottom. On the river banks forests were real thick and there were no sunlight in them. On the river it were so sunny that me mother, when she was not rowing, held up an umbrella so her skin wouldn’t burn. Me skin were already covered with angel kisses so I didn’t care but when Becky wasn’t rowing she sat under me mother’s white umbrella so the sun didn’t burn her either. When the sun did fall on her it made her blonde hair look like a saint’s halo. All the time me father rowed he told us yarns ’bout his whaling adventures. Becky’s eyes growed as large as saucers when he told her ’bout a man eaten by a sperm whale. It swallowed him right up but when they killed the whale and cut it open there he was, this fella looking like death but still alive. His black hair were bleached white, he had no top skin left and he were nearly blind. Then me father were telling us how he was going to give up whaling cos there were not many whales left when he cried out, Look! Before I could see what he was pointing at I heard me mother say, Oh my goodness, it’s one of those hyenas.

I turned and there, there on the bank not more than ten yards from us, were a wolf creature with yellow fur and black stripes. It were about the size of a real large dog. I can remember it to this day, cos it were the first one I had ever seen. It had a long muzzle and stripes on its sides like a tiger. The tail were thick and the fur so fine and smooth it were like it didn’t have hair. It’s like a wolf, I heard me mother say and indeed it looked like those wolves I seen in me fairytale books. It stared at us with huge black eyes, then it opened its jaw real slow til I thought it could swallow a baby. I’ll go bail if it were not the most bonny, handsomest thing I ever seen. It were like a magician cast a spell on me. I had heard about these creatures, but nothing prepared me for how noble and strange it looked. It snapped its jaws closed. It sounded like two metal doors slamming shut. Then it sort of loped, taking its time, into the bush and vanished.

I must have said it were beautiful, cos Becky hissed real angry, They are killers. They kill sheep. She were so firm about this that I were struck dumb. Me father laughed, thinking she were joshing, but she weren’t. As he began to row again, he told us why it were so rare to see them. He said they were like vampires. They came out at night and they drinked blood. Me father were chiacking and it made me laugh, but I were sitting next to Becky and I felt her body shiver all over. I can still feel her body against mine and how her fear gave me goosebumps. She went quiet and only perked up when we found a picnic spot.

We moored against a bank and spread out a blanket on the grass in a clearing. Me mother were radiant. Her face were like a pale moon in the shade of her hat. When I ate a banana I held a bit in me mouth and fed it into me father’s gob, pushing it through the strainer of his moustache, like I were one of those fishermen with a banana in his mouth luring a groper. After lunch Becky and me went for a walk. We were so thirsty our tongues were hanging out, so we shook the trunks of saplings and the rainwater, trapped in the leaves after the rain, sprinkled down on us and cooled us. Our clothes were wet with water, but we didn’t care. I remember, as if right now, standing in me dripping dress in the spotted light coming through the treetops and seeing me parents kissing under the umbrella as they sat on the blanket. I felt a joy dance through me. Me parents were still in love, we were all happy and I had a friend in Becky. An hour or so later, while Becky and me were chasing each other through the trees and bushes, I heard me mother calling us to come quick. I looked up. The sky had gone sick all of a sudden. Me father said we better go home cos a storm were brewing.

We raced the storm that were coming out of the west at a quicksticks speed. The wind and the current pushed us along so strong that we didn’t have to row and me father used one of the oars as a rudder. The sky fell so dark that it was more like night than day. Me father yelled above the wind and thunder that he’d try and seek a haven. As the water boiled and foamed we bounced along with me father unable to steer the boat towards the shore. The river were so wild that all we could do were to cling on tight to the sides of the boat or each other as we were flinged back and forward like puppets with no strings. The rain chucked down and we were soaked, so soggy it were like the rain were drilling through our skin into our marrow. There were loud bangs when tree boughs broke and fell into the madcap river. Then we were spun round, caught up in a whirlpool. Becky and I went dizzy and screamed in fear. Out of the corner of me eye I seen a giant tree bough bouncing along the river straight at us. Me mother cried out in terror just before it hit us with a crashing and smashing and the next thing I felt were me stomach plopping into me mouth as the boat went over. Oh me, Oh me . . . I must catch me breath in remembering this - I can still feel me terror and all that water pouring into me gob.

I felt meself pulled under like someone were grabbing me leg. Then I came up again only to see me mother’s face full of panic there in front of me for a moment before she vanished under the wild waves. I heard screams and again felt me foot were caught in something like an animal trap. I were yanked under. Somehow as I struggled for breath I pulled me foot free from a snag. The waters of the whirlpool grabbed me and hurled me up again, just as me lungs were bursting and then I seen me father. His face were filled with fear. He were crying out me name. He seen me and went to help when the boat, spinning round and round in the whirlpool, hit him in the back of the head and he sank under the waves. A bough floated past and I grabbed at it but me hands slipped on its greasy surface. I sinked again.

It were suddenly calm under the water and I felt like just letting go cos there were too much panic above me. Then through the churning murk I seen me mother. Her white dress were snagged on a tree bough under the water and she were waving her hands slowly in helpless fright. I wanted to swim to her and pull her free but a current grabbed me and chucked me up to the surface. As I were gasping for air, rain stinged me face. Out of the corner of me eye I seen Becky near the bank spinning slowly in a calm eddy. She were on her back, her eyes closed tight. I didn’t know if she were dead or not. A piece of a tree knocked me sideways, away from being sucked into the whirlpool towards the bank. Me arms felt heavy like bags of wet sand. I tried to move them so I could get closer to the shore. It seemed such a long way away but as I reached out to grab a tree root on the bank, something dark and huge suddenly loomed over me. It was a tiger, maybe the very tiger I seen before, and its giant jaws opened as if it were ’bout to take me. I screamed. It moved back from the edge of the bank. The current hugged me round me waist, like some devil wanting to pull me back out in the middle of the river, and I lunged at another of those tree roots but missed. I were ’bout to let the current carry me where it wanted when the tiger were near me again, its jaw wide open, its eyes like cold fire. It grabbed me wrist in its huge mouth and began to drag me. I didn’t feel any pain. Maybe I were past all pain. I let meself give in, and it dragged me onto the muddy bank. Once I were out of the river I lay on the wet, long grass panting and gulping for air til me head spinned and I blanked out.



How long I were unconscious, goodness knows, but when I woke up I were on me back in the same spot. The rain were not so heavy, more like a drizzle. For a few moments as I stared at those dark clouds I thought I had come awake from a bad dream. Then me ears were chock full of the loud noise of water bashing against the bank and I sat up. The river was churning something wild and it were rising and starting to creep onto the bank. I felt damp fur against the back of me neck. I turned round and screamed. The tiger, who must have been brushing up against me back, jumped away in fright. I felt a pain and seen teeth marks on me wrist. I tried to shoo it away. It moved back a couple of steps and stopped. It looked at me like it were confused, like I had hurt it or something. So many things went willy-willy through me mind: Where were me parents? Where were Becky? I felt so alone, so lost that I could not see. By that I mean, everything round me were a blur, everythingin side me were a blur of fear and shock. I heard meself crying and moaning, My oh my, my oh my . . . I still have nightmares ’bout that time. I still feel like a sharp piece of ice has stabbed me heart real deep. I was filled, filled to the brim with utter baffle and utter loneliness.

It were too much for me and all I could do was to plop down where I stood and stare for a long, long time at the teeth marks of the tiger on me wrist. I have no idea why I did that - maybe it was because I were in a state of shock, maybe because the teeth marks and the pain they caused was so real that it sort of brang me back to reality, whereas everything round me were a fog of too much to bear or understand. I had no fear, no panic any more. Then from a distance, or so it seemed, I heard me name being called. I looked up and seen Becky. She had a real daze on her face. Her dress were clinging to her and she were splattered with mud. She were getting up from the rock pool where she had been floating. For a few moments she did not see me but turned round and round in a panic, crying out me name, p’raps thinking she were alone. I’m here, I called out. She stopped in a mid-turn and her mouth dropped open in amazement as if she couldn’t believe I were real. Hannah, Hannah, she cried, and ran towards me, slipping and falling and tumbling on the wet rocks and the muddy grass. When she got to me she hugged me so tightly I thought she’d crush me. We fell onto the ground and sat hugging there on the damp earth for a long time, not talking, just watching the angry river, hoping hope against hope that me parents would appear.



We must have sat like this for a long time. It were getting dark when the rain stopped. I felt real hungry. There were nothing to eat, cos the food had drowned in the boat. Our loneliness were as sharp as the cold and damp. Then I began to cry cos I feared that me mother and father were drowned. Becky kissed me and stroked me, telling me that they had been taken downstream and were now like us, plonked on a bank, bone-tired and waiting for help. I wanted to believe her and I did. She were older than me and I had to believe her.

Then Becky stood up, cos she were seized by an idea. Her father were going to meet her this time, this evening, at me house. He would see we weren’t there and he’d come looking for us. I thought we’d better try and go home and maybe we would run into Mr Carsons who were looking for us. But Becky said her father had always told her that if she got lost she had to stay where she were and wait for rescue cos lost people died trying to find their way home. I must have complained or said I were hungry cos when I got up to go and find some berries, Becky pulled me back and pointed to the forest near us. I turned to where she were pointing and seen two yonnie-sized black suns looking at us from the bush. It were staring right at us, like trying to burn holes into our skin. I were afeared it would come and drink our blood, but Becky said I were silly and that we should stay in the open so we could see it, just in case it came for us. But what would we do then? I said. We didn’t know. Becky were shivering with fear of the tiger. She had seen what they did to her father’s sheep. We were lonely and scared to the quick. Oh dearie, oh dearie me, we were badly shivering with fear.

That were the last thing I remember before waking up as dawn came. I were shaking badly with the cold and I stood up trying to get some warmth into me by rubbing me arms and legs. As I was doing so I seen the tiger sitting in front of the trees, only thirty yards away. It stared at me and then licked its nipples which were seeping milk spotted with what looked like blood. Becky were already awake and she were staring at the tiger and we were both wondering if we were going to be its breakfast. We were hungry too. And we were scared and we hugged each other looking for signs of me parents. They’re gone, said Becky. Gone where? I asked. Gone, just gone, she said. Now I were very afeared. I feared, right into the pit of me stomach, that me mother and me father were drowned. I must have been a right gink cos I started to cry that I were hungry. And I cried for me gone parents. I cried for me utter loneliness.

Maybe it were me wailings that caused the tiger to stand up - like I were annoying it - and walk away a few steps. It sat and looked right back at us, like it were trying to tell us something. I stopped me wailing and it got up again, walked a few steps closer, stopped, sat again and stared at us. It wants to take us home, I said. Becky said I were loony. But the more I looked at its black eyes, the more I seen kindness, like the kind look in Sam the pig’s eyes when we snuggled up together in the sun on the back verandah. I knew it were saying to us, Come, I’ll take you home. Don’t be silly, said Becky, we’ll wait here for people to find us. But I knew no one would find us and if the tiger took us home then we would find me mother and me father there, cos maybe they floated all the way back home. Becky were telling me I was a gink when I heard a giant creaking noise coming from the river, a noise like an enormous door with creaking hinges opening. Becky suddenly grabbed me and hugged me to her chest - hugging me so hard I found it hard to breathe. I struggled against her but she were so strong and then after what seemed like minutes she let me go. I gulped down as much air as I could. Then I seen her face. It were white as a ghost. What is it? I said but she only shook her head. The tiger stood up again and moved to the edge of the bush, then it turned round and gave us that stare again. We’re going home, I said and walked towards it. Hannah! I heard her cry. She ran after me, sighing long and hard. All right, Hannah, let’s see if it takes us home. So we followed it into the bush.



What she didn’t tell me til later was why she agreed to come with me and the tiger. She had seen something both terrible and beautiful. She heard that great cracking sound and out of the corner of her eye she had seen this thing rise out of the river. That’s why she hugged me tight, cos a giant tree came out of the water and caught up in its branches were a woman in white, like some sort of sprite or angel, she said later, and it were me mother, her eyes closed, her skin pale as death. As Becky hugged me to her she seen this thing, this vision drift by. It were me mother taken by the current downriver towards Becky knew not where. If me mother were dead, she reasoned, me father were too. She knew then we had no hope of rescue. We were lost, and the only thing that could help us were the tiger. And so she reckoned she had no choice but to follow that creature she thought might be a vampire and drink our blood.

The bush were more and more thick and thorns tore at our skin. We were considerable weary trying to follow the tiger. Sometimes it stopped and looked back at us, waiting for us to catch up. Becky got trapped up in a thorny bush and it took us a long time to get her free and when she were she fell down and cried buckets, saying over and over, It doesn’t know where to go! Me stomach made loud gurgling noises and I said I were hungry which was the truth. Becky got angry with me and then yelled at the tiger, Go away! I told her not to scare the creature. She said it wanted to lose us and once we were completely lost, and we were dying of hunger, it would eat us cos it had all been a trap.

As she cried and shouted I looked at the tiger which were in front of us, just sitting there in the bush, sort of half invisible as if its stripes had been swallowed up by the shadows, and I seen its kind eyes. It were waiting for us, tongue hanging out. But it were easier for it to get through the bush than for us, so it took us some time til we could make our way through a mess of trees and bushes to a small clearing covered with dead leaves and twigs. Maybe we can find our own way home, Becky said, cos I don’t trust him. I said it were a bitch, not a he, and she weren’t going to eat us, and when I were saying this there were these loud snarling and spitting and hissing noises and suddenly, like some vision that had come out of the hole of hell, this creature jumped at Becky who were in front of me. Its jaws were open wide, its big pink tongue spitting at us. It were a Tassie Devil. We cried out in fright and Becky who was next to it started to run but fell, and lo and behold she starts to sink - right there, before me eyes. The leaves and muck were swallowing her up, like it were quicksand, but it weren’t, just this hole of rotting leaves and she sank in it, up to her chest. She were in such a state of shock she didn’t cry out, but her eyes got bigger in fright. I tried to help her but I started to drown too, so I crawled back onto real ground. I seen the tiger running round the clearing, stopping every couple of steps to lean out to try and grab Becky. Seeing it made me realise what I had to do. I picked up a dead branch covered in lichens and, lying on me belly, I held it out to Becky. She tried to hold the stick but it were awful slippery and she kept on sinking and then, somehow, she managed to hold on to it and I pulled. I yanked on the stick like there were no tomorrow. As I yanked and yanked I heard a sucking sound as poor Becky come out of the muck, inch by inch - it were so slow - and I were grunting like me pig Sam with effort, and lo and behold she came closer and closer, her mouth filled with rotting leaves, her eyes covered in muck, til I dragged her onto the real earth. Then I collapsed with effort. I could not have done it any more. She lied on the ground gasping, groaning, moaning til she got her breath back. We lay on the ground for some time til she began to say over and over, like some needle stuck in a wax cylinder, We’re lost, we’re lost.

I were younger than her but I knew I had to make a decision and there were only one to make and that were to follow the tiger that were on its haunches just a couple of yards away watching us like a mother hawk with her chicks. We got to go with it, I said. And we stay close behind it cos it knows the safe way. Becky could only nod cos she were that weary and I think, now that I look back, that she probably thought I had saved her life and she had to trust me. Just as I had to trust the tiger.

So we got up and when we did I laughed and Becky were most offended and asked if I were laughing at her and I said, No, I be laughing at the both of us. Cos the day before we were wearing clean white dresses and now they were torn and splattered with muck and dead leaves and our hair thick with mud. Maybe cos I were so close to Sam the pig and could see how it had feelings that I seen the tiger step away when I laughed. It did not like the sound of laughing. I’m sorry, I said to it. It doesn’t understand you, snapped Becky. Well, I think it does, you gink, I told her. She got annoyed so that meant she didn’t say anything for the next hour or so as we trudged after the tiger through that unruly forest.

We walked and walked. We passed through the forest and moved into more open ferny country where in the distance were snowy mountains. All we had to eat were pinkberries, but they are so tiny that they were nothing but reminders we were hungry. Then we got to the side of a creek when night came and the tiger led us to a place under a ledge and there it sat waiting for us. I were going to sit with it when Becky tugged at me dress. Don’t get so close to it, she warned but I didn’t care. The ledge were safe from rain and wind and there were dried ferns on the floor that looked warm and cosy. I crawled up there. I heard Becky say she would keep guard while I were asleep, but they were the last words I heard. I were so tired that I fell asleep straight away.

When I woke up it were first light. Becky were curled up just under the ledge and she were deep in sleep. I looked round for the tiger and seen it at the creek drinking water. It looked up at me when it heard me move. It seemed like a real friendly dog, so I went down to the creek and drank some water. It sat near me, in touching distance. I wondered if I had cuddled it during the night, I didn’t know, but it had a warm smell, like fur rugs left on the floor in front of a log fire. It didn’t stink at all. I talked to the tiger like it were Sam or a human and it seemed to understand. It pissed in front of me, as casual as you like, not embarrassed at all. So I didn’t feel embarrassed when I needed to go to do me business. I squatted and did what I had to do while I chatted to it. I stood up and it came over and sniffed me piss like dogs do, just to check me out. I were promising to give it some whale meat if it took us home when I heard Becky call out from under the ledge, asking what I were doing. We’re having a natter, I said. On hearing Becky’s voice the tiger moved off a little and made snuffling noises, then looked back at me like it were asking, Come on, do you want to go with me? I told Becky, It’s gonna take us home. Course, she didn’t want to be left alone and we followed the tiger into flat scrubby land chockablock with swamps and lakes. A freezing wind blew down from the snowy hills, so to keep warm we stayed on the move.

We were truly weary and with a terrible hunger when we arrived at a place between two trees hunchbacked by the wind. There were a hole in a bank surrounded by ferns and bracken, and the tiger went inside. I knew it must be its home. I peeked inside. It were real dim in there and then I seen the tiger staring back at me with eyes bright as burning coal and then another pair of eyes also poking into me soul. The cave were small and the floor covered in dried fern fronds. It smelt cosy and warm. I told Becky there were two tigers and I were going inside to be with them. She cried out that they would eat me. But I didn’t think so cos I sensed they wouldn’t eat me inside their home. I crawled in. The female tiger, the one we had been following, licked me arm. The other sniffed and snaffled me. I patted them. Me goodness I were fearless when I be a kid - I don’t know if I could do that now. I felt like I were with two gentle dogs. I called out to Becky saying it were all right but she moaned and worried in fear. I peered out of the den and seen she were shivering and pale like death. I told her not to be stupid and join us. She were very stubborn and shaked her head again and again. It’s warm inside, I said, and thumped me chest to prove they did not eat me. Her teeth started to chatter with fear and the cold. I could take no more of her stubbornness and I grabbed her arm and pulled her inside. She cried out, No, no! Which upset the tigers, so much they huddled up against the wall. With the four of us inside the den there were hardly much room. I been told a deadhouse next to a hotel were like this, cramped and small, so drunks could sleep away the booze, but this were an alive place with four creatures, two tigers and us two girls. Becky stopped crying and stayed near the opening. She could not look at the tigers. They’re not going to eat you, I said. I hugged the bitch. See, they are friendly. This is the mummy one, I said, and I pointed to the other one. That’s the daddy one. They both have fur like me mother’s coat. I were now very knackered and I were very sleepy. I lay down next to the tigers and the mother one lay down with me. Becky were still suspicious and she crawled in a little bit more and sat up against a wall staring at the tigers, just waiting for them to try and eat her. Me? I went to sleep.

I am amazed I could do that. I could go to sleep real easy. Becky weren’t an animal girl. Me? I loved animals and were never scared of them, except maybe a Tasmanian Devil and who wouldn’t be afeared of a devil? So I had no trouble sleeping, though when I woke up I was tossed in me head for a short time cos I wondered where I were. Then I realised I were in the tigers’ lair. But there were no tigers. It were dark in the cave and gloaming outside. I seen Becky curled up on the floor of ferns, deep asleep. I were ’bout to say, Hello Becky when suddenly, like she heard something awful in a dream, she wakes up, her eyes wide and alert. I heard a noise too and the opening to the den went dark. It were one of the tigers. It came into the cave, a step ahead of the sunlight that poured in again. Becky whimpered like a pup and crawled away from the creature. It had a dead bird in its mouth.

The tiger dropped the bird on me lap. It were bloody and its head chewed, its belly tore open. I knew it were a present. Thank you, I said, and I swear, I swear on me mother and father’s heart, that it knew what I said cos it kind of nodded as if saying Eat it and trotted outside. The bird felt warm when I touched it and I dipped me finger into its bloody chest and licked the blood off me finger. It tasted rich like molasses. Becky made disgusted noises. It’s not cooked, she groaned. I told her I remember me father telling me stories ’bout how he ate snakes and cockroaches, so a bird were fine to eat. I were starving and the taste of blood made me feel even more hungry. I tried to pick at it with me fingers but I couldn’t get any flesh so I bit at its chest til I got some flesh and then chewed it. It felt sort of cooked cos it were still warm. Ugh! Ugh! Becky kept on saying, but it were fine to taste though hard to chew. I could feel the blood dribbling down me chin and for some reason it made me happy - I could feel me tummy filling up a little and that felt good. I gave the bird to Becky, who knocked it away. I picked it up and wiped the dirt from it. I told Becky she had to eat, but she shaked her head something frightful. As I chewed up more of the bird, pulling out feathers from between me teeth, Becky called me a cannibal. Aye, I am a cannibal, I grinned. Well, that were more than she could put up with and she skedaddled out of the cave on her hands and legs.

I ate some more and then crawled out of the den. Becky were sitting between the buttress roots of one of the two trees eating some grass and leaves. She were looking at her mother’s cameo and she were murmuring to herself words I did not hear. I thought I would play a joke on her, you know, make her laugh, so I silently crawled up behind her then made snuffling noises like a tiger. She jumped in fright. I laughed and she slapped me across the face. It stanged like mad. What was that for? I cried. She snarled like an animal. You sleep with them. You make noises like them! All I could say were that I liked the tigers and they didn’t hurt us. You like them more than your mother and father? she sneered, her words stanging me again. She jumped up like a Jack-in-the-box and said, I’m going home. She asked me if I were coming. I were still angry with her and shaked me head. She walked off in the direction of the setting sun, which I thought were the wrong way cos home were in the east. I knew that cos me father had teached me about the compass needle and where home were just in case I got lost. You’re going the wrong way, gink! I called out. She began to get smaller and smaller. I were cold and lonely so I crawled back into the cave wondering what to do. I knew Becky were going the wrong way but I had no idea where I were either. I gave up worrying cos I were still hungry and I started to chew on the bird again. Then after a time, oh, I don’t know how long, I heard a noise at the entrance of the cave. I thought it were the tigers but I seen it were Becky, her teeth chattering with the cold. Without a word, she crawled into the hole and sat against the wall, hugging herself, watching me eat the rest of the bird.

Me and Becky must have been dog-tired cos we slept through the night. Becky were so tired she did not notice that she were sleeping with the tigers and were cuddling up to them. We needed them; they were warm and our dresses were thin. In the morning I woke up first and seen her sleeping with the tigers. It were then, like I were whacked over me head, that I realised just how large the tigers were compared to us. Aye, I thought, they could eat us but they weren’t going to. I seen the female tiger’s belly and it had swollen teats that were leaking milk. I felt sad for her.

Becky woke when she heard me crawling outside. The tigers stirred and then, as if awful weary, stayed dozing when Becky followed me outside. It were a warm day and I drunk some water. I just lapped it up and Becky got annoyed with me saying I were drinking like the tigers - but it were quicker, I said back to her. She said, No, we drink like this and she cupped her hands and drank like from a mug, but I knew that licking it up were quicker and I didn’t get water all over me dress.

We sat in the shade of the two trees and Becky sighed a lot. She were full of sadness and despair. They aren’t going to take us home, Hannah, she said. This is their home so why would they take us back to our home? It made sense, but what could we do? I didn’t know me way back to the Munro River and we had no way of finding our way back. If we stay here, then someone will find us, I said. But she were in a bitter mood and shook her head. No, we are lost. We are gone forever, she said real quiet, and cos her words were so certain I thought that she were telling the truth ’bout our plight and she were right. I heard her stomach rumble something fierce - I told her she should have eaten the bird with me. Pooh, she said and walked to a bush that had red berries on it and gobbled some. I were hungry but I lost me pangs when Becky started to vomit. Up they came, all the chewed berries, and she hugged her stomach and moaned and groaned in pain. I didn’t know what to do and I were afeared she might die. The female tiger came out of the cave and sniffed Becky as she were curled up in pain between the buttress tree roots. Then the tiger looked at me with her glowing eyes and went back inside the den. I felt better cos it seemed to me that the tiger had sniffed the pain and decided Becky were going to be all right.

And she were right as rain after a couple of hours. We were outside talking ’bout what we should do for food when I felt something touch me arm. It were the female tiger nuzzling me. The male tiger came out of the den and walked down to the creek to drink, then the female followed it. They looked like wolves made out of gold when the setting sun stroked their fur. After drinking some water they both stared at us - as if they were asking a question. The bitch made a noise like it were a cross between a man’s deep cough and a bark. Then the male tiger made a coughing bark at us. I thought this were funny, so I made a coughing bark in return. Then the two of them started to head off along the creek. I knew in me heart that the bark were kind of a signal, so I got up and joined them. Where you going? I heard Becky cry. I knew she were too scared to stay behind and I soon heard her hurrying up to join me.

We followed them along the creek, then across some rocks and into the deep tara territory. I hadn’t seen such weird green countryside, all tree ferns and moss and lichen on the rocks. The sun were washing itself across the trees and ferns - it were like the countryside had become more mysterious and beautiful. We got to a clearing where the tigers were waiting for us. I don’t know why I did this, but the male tiger’s tail was right next to me, so I grabbed it. It felt hard like a stick. The tiger spinned round and its jaws opened wider and wider like it were yawning so that its jaw were going to break til I thought it were going to swallow me, then suddenly, quick as a flash, it nipped me. I yelped and let go of the tail. I looked at the bite. It were a tiny thing, but Becky said, real nervous, Did it hurt? I told her the truth that, no, it didn’t hurt much. The tiger looked at me straight in the eyes like it were giving me a real stern lesson and I knew never to touch its tail again. Cos I didn’t want it to think I were upset or frightened, I opened up me jaws like it did. I tried to open them as wide as they could go, til I felt I were going to break me jaw. It must have been the right thing to do cos the tigers stepped away as if scared of me. Then they came forward. Becky did a big yawn and they backed off again. We laughed and the tigers moved right away from us. We were still laughing at them when they suddenly went all frozen. Their ears turned towards a sound they heard. The male tiger stood on his hind legs, like it were a human or a roo, so he could see over the high grass and ferns. Then without looking or coughing at each other they ran off. I felt this bolt of excitement flow through me and I found meself running after them, so did Becky. We got to a clearing and we seen a whole mob of wallabies in a right tizz. They were scattering everywhere. Thump, thump, thump, they went like the earth were a drum. The tigers picked on one and chased it down. The female rounded in front of the frightened thing, so that it spun round and hopped back towards us. Becky jumped away but I ran at it, trying to catch it. I were all excited, all hot and bothered, and were crying out, Catch it, catch it! I set off after the tigers who ran past me after the wallaby. It were mighty swift, I can tell you. I ran and fell and ran and fell after it. But it hopped faster than the tigers could run and soon it was gone, just a dot hopping away through the giant tree ferns. I fell down exhausted and heard meself, like I were an animal, screaming to the sky in disappointment. I dearly wanted to catch that wallaby for I were hungry, very hungry. Becky came up to me as I were lying on the ground and I took out me gall on her. Why didn’t you help us, I cried. And she looked down at me with a face full of shock and surprise and then horror. You’re becoming one of them! she spitted on me and walked off.

The tigers didn’t find anything to kill that night so Becky and I ate pinkberries. I gave some to the tigers, who must have been very hungry because they ate them too. On the way back to the den or is it lair - I get mixed up - I said to Becky that we should give the tigers names. She were in a right sulky mood and said she didn’t care, so I named the male tiger Dave and the female Corinna.

Now where did I get those names? Well, I think Dave came from me uncle Dave and Corinna from me aunt. He were thin as a stick and she were big like Sam. They came to visit us once before they went to South Africa to search for gold. He were a funny man and she were strange cos she had a moustache. A real moustache like she had a black caterpillar on her top lip. Me mother said to stop staring but I were a kid - who wouldn’t stop looking at it? It were like when I saw a pure white wombat, what’s that called? An albino. I couldn’t stop staring at the moustache cos it were so different. So I guess that’s where the names came from.

When we got back to the den I seen Becky sitting outside peering into the night at the distant hills all pale with moonlight and I asked her what she were looking for and she said her father. She said he’d be searching for us through every nook and cranny of Tasmania. I said, That’s blather, it would be me father doing that, and she snarled like some animal, You are a gink, Hannah. Those tigers are making you stupid like them. I hit her and went inside the den to sleep with the tigers cos dawn were coming up and I heard her yell after me, They’re dead. It was then she told me, in a rush of hatred, that she had seen me drowned mother stuck in a tree - like she were tied to a mast - floating down the Munro to the sea. I said she were lying, but she said she weren’t and that in all possibility of fate me father were drowned too and we now had to depend on her father, her father who loved her and would search for her for all time.

I were very cut up about what she told me and I put me hands over me ears and I sang a song real loud as she told me again and again what had happened to me mother and father. I weeped long and hard and went inside the den abusing her something bad. The tigers were scared of me loud singing and me tears. I plopped down on the fronds and were in misery. Corinna curled herself next to me and I found meself sucking her nipples, like it were the most natural thing in the world. I filled meself up to brimful with her warm milk and it made me less sad and less feeling misery for meself. And I remember that as I fell asleep - the memory is still as sharp today - I felt myself to be an orphan now and alone. I did not like Becky for telling me what she seen, but deep down I knew she were telling the truth. That were a heavy burden for a girl me age.

Becky may have been picking on me, like a real gink, but she snuggled up with the tigers too, cos they were cosy to sleep with. We sleeped through the day and woke up near dusk and all our bellies were grumbling something terrible. The sun were warm outside and we followed the tigers through the bush hoping that they’d get some food. We were starving. ’Bout half an hour into our hunt the tigers went all still and their noses sniffed the breeze. They made a snuffling noise to each other and I knew that they had smelled prey. And I have to say me heart leaped up with joy, cos I were so hungry. The tigers ran through the bush into open country and there were before us a pack of wallabies contentedly eating grass. When they seen the tigers, and us behind them, they scattered in all directions; a willy-willy of fright. The tigers set after a small wallaby which hopped for its life. Dave circled in front of it, while Corinna chased behind it. Then Corinna stopped, turned and did a coughing bark back at us. I knew what that meant and, you know what, so did Becky, cos I seen her eyes light up too.

I raced to the other side, just in case the wallaby circled back round Corinna and as I am running I am so excited that I run into a damn tree and I bounce off - a real whack to me forehead and I fall to the ground. I heard Becky, all tizzy, laugh like I were a clown at a circus. I were a bit confused cos the tree hit me so hard. Becky ran past me, offering no hand to help, shouting at me, Come on, gink! Here! Round it up! So I jumped up and seen the wallaby turning round cos Dave had headed it off. I seen out of the corner of me eye the bitch tiger coughing at us, knowing we were in the hunt too. It were like she were giving orders and both Becky and I knew which way to go to cut off the wallaby’s escape. And, you know, both Becky and I were coughing barking too in all the excitement. Trying to escape from the tigers the wallaby found itself hopping towards me and Becky and we ran towards it, spaced a yard apart so it couldn’t squeeze between us. It seen us, done a sort of a backflip and hopped back towards Dave, who jumped on the wallaby. His jaws were open so wide I thought they would break and he gripped it round the head. I heard, oh, maybe from a distance of thirty yards, the crunch of tiger teeth into the wallaby skull and I felt not disgust but joy. We all caught it! Holy Moses, oh me, oh me heart is going ten to the dozen just thinking about it, remembering that first time.

It were stone dead and Becky and me looked at each other, feeling we were like true hunters. We were panting as much as the tigers but I could see in Becky’s eyes and in the tigers’ eyes that we were all over the moon. Becky flopped onto the ground even more knackered than me or the tigers cos she hadn’t had food or milk for some time. But she were happy and she lied on her back and stared up at me, saying, We did it. And indeed we did and I were proud too. I were hungry and moved to the dead wallaby but Dave opened his mouth with a real big yawn of threat so I jumped back. He gulped down the brain and ate bits of the heart and guts and then left the rest of the carcass for us. I jumped in to take me meal but Corinna nipped me on the back of me leg - I knew the nip meant Wait your turn! But before the tiger could eat her fill Becky suddenly threw herself on the wallaby. The bitch bit her too. Becky yelped and ran back a few yards to rub the teeth marks on her leg but then she did a thing I didn’t think were in her. She began to crawl towards the wallaby, inch by inch, knowing the female tiger were sneaking glances at her as she ate but Becky didn’t care. The tiger nipped her again. Becky did not yelp this time but stood her ground. The male tiger, he did nothing but watch what was happening with a sort of curious expression as if interested in how the duel would turn out. Then Becky jumped up, pushed the bitch out of the way and buried her face in the wallaby’s bloody insides and, like she were a devil, she tore at it with teeth and fingers. She ate in a fury of hunger and growled when the bitch got close. I were amazed. I had never seen this part of Becky before. She were always a tame girl. I never seen her act like that; it were with such wildness. I were bug-eyed. She were braver than me too.

Becky stuffed herself. I tried to join her but she growled at me, warning me away. When she packed full her belly she sat in the grass, her mouth and face shiny red with blood. The female tiger then took her turn and I waited til last and I ate what were left. I were so hungry I didn’t care what I ate, so I gutsed meself. When I were stomach-packed I sat in the grass feeling woozy with food. Becky and I didn’t care we ate raw meat. Just goes to show you what hunger can do to a human. I watched Becky try and wipe her face free of blood with large dock leaves. She looked funny with a wet red face. I laughed and she did too. I were happy, as were the tigers who licked their chops free of blood. I realised that I had seen something of Becky that were new to me - she were really stubborn if she wanted something. She were brave, she were stubborn, she were smart, she were tough. A devil came out of the long grass walking that funny way like it were a rocking horse. It snorted and growled at us but we didn’t care. Then it gnawed and teared its way into the carcass til it had its full too.

That night, well, it were really a couple of hours before dawn, when we got back to the den we sat outside in the warm moonlight . . . all four of us. We were full as googs. Becky were thoughtful and touched her mother’s cameo a lot like she were thinking of home. I were yawning and thinking of going to bed when she noticed something. Hey, where’s your shoes? I forgot I had taken them off during the hunt. They hurt, I said. Becky looked at her own shoes and I knew she were thinking that she might take hers off, but she didn’t. I think she were afeared she would become like an animal and stop being a human. She heard an owl hoot. We have a barn owl at home, she said, and sounded very lonely. The female tiger got up, and as she were heading inside the cave, she rubbed herself against me, sniffed me face and licked me hand. She were saying in her own lingo, We are all in this together.

It sounds foolish, but when you are so close to some creature like a tiger you get to really know them and that’s what Corinna were saying to me - We are a pack. I followed her inside, leaving Becky out in the night gazing face full of sadness at the moon, the owl, the cameo, like she were possessed by thoughts of home. I would have thought of home but I were dead beat and besides - did I have a home to go back to? Me mother were dead - that much was certain cos Becky told me. But what about me father? Maybe he were out with Mr Carsons searching for us. Becky prayed for this. Sometimes I’d see her by herself kneeling in the ferns, her hands pressed together, mumbling her prayers and looking at the sky as if her father were going to come down like manna from heaven. She were a bit older than me in age but she were much more older than me in many other ways, so she had this burden or sense of responsibility and I were the biggest burden of them all, she said to me more than once. She feared I were becoming an animal but I knew that without the tigers there were no food for us, no warm bodies to sleep with, us four snuggled like a bundle of fleshy yarn in each other’s embrace.

The tigers stopped being animals to me. They were Corinna and Dave. She were a bit smaller than him and she had black hairs sprinkled on her white upper lip. Dave’s were just white. He liked us but kept his distance cos he had a lot of things on his mind, like protecting us, keeping an eye open for prey or enemies like bounty hunters. Corinna showed she liked us by licking us and curling up with us whenever we slept. Though I have to say, if she didn’t like something you did, she’d nip you to let you know. Their eyes were full black and they had a sort of inner glow so that at dusk they shone green and sometimes red. They liked to bask in the sun but tried to avoid looking into harsh light if possible. It were something that I were learning. I might be studying them, but they studied us as well. When they looked deep at you, you knew they were peering right into your soul and they knew if you were lying or not. You couldn’t pretend to them that you were happy when you were not. They knew when we were down in the dumps and would nuzzle and comfort us.

One time I laughed and said to Becky, Things are topsyturvy, we sleep during the day and we be awake all night. She didn’t find it funny cos she knew that meant the tigers had changed us and she didn’t like that one bit.

There wasn’t a time when I realised I were becoming like a tiger, I guess it just happened, like it were natural. But when I think back there were signs that I had changed, and Becky too. Our sight got better at night. Once nighttime were as thick as mud to me, but now it were like clear water. And me hearing - I could sit in silence and hear so many things that I did not hear before: the movement of fern leaves, like the bristles of a brush being stroked, when a quoll were passing (the black ones with white spots like a starry night coming to life) or the sharp cry of pain in a tree when a quoll knocked a sleeping bird off a branch and catched it in mid-air; the squeal of a mouse being taken by an owl whose wings sounded like the creaking of a ship; the whisper of dead leaves as an adder slid over them; the coughing of a distant tiger, like a pipe-smoker clearing his throat of spew; a barking snake; a possum munching on fruit; the devils yowling and snarling like something from hell when they were fighting over a dead animal. And the smells - soon I could tell the difference between the dung of all sorts of animals. Even the most stinky shit were interesting cos it were mixed up with the smell of seeds, animal flesh and fruit. There were many sorts of piss and it told you all sorts of things - what sort of animal, how old, how pregnant, how sick. I could sniff shit and know what sort of animal it were, and when I got really good I could tell how fresh it were. We learned to be downwind so our prey couldn’t smell us. And I learned something else: Corinna stopped feeding me her milk when her teats dried up and I realised why she had taken a liking to us. Her pups had died or more likely been killed by a bounty hunter. She thought we were babies so that’s why she took us in. Then I said to Becky that I hated that tiger man who stayed with me and me parents cos he murdered tiger pups.



It were not only bounty hunters who killed them as I found out one late afternoon when we were walking through the bush. It started to drizzle so we took shelter under an overhanging rock that looked like some sort of sandy frozen wave. I were glancing up at the roof when I seen some paintings on it. They must have been done by the blackfellas when they were kings of Tasmania, said Becky. There were four drawings of what looked like dogs but because they had stripes on them we knew were tigers. One had three spears sticking out of its flanks. We both went Oh at the same time, cos it made us sad to see how even blackfellas killed tigers. I remember us running our hands over the picture of the speared tiger, like we were trying to help it or save it cos there beside us was our saviours - Dave and Corinna. I felt terrible. For days I dreamed about our two tigers being speared by blackfellas and it were more nightmare, much more nightmare, than dream. Becky told me she had those nightmares too. See, we were family. We did not think that at the time, but when I look back, I know we were family and that’s the truth of it.

It were now summer, bright and hot, filled with so much lightning that trees burst into flames and burned for days. I loved going out hunting during these warm nights. We slept in the den of a day, keeping away from the terrible heat and the flies, millions and millions of them, that swarmed over us, filling our eyes and ears with their squirming, tickling bodies. And at night the snakes were gone. We and the tigers hated snakes. Sometimes at night we might come upon one of those damn snakes curled up on a warm log, its belly big with some small animal it had got, and the four of us made a wide circle round it, even though it weren’t interested in us.



One night when the full moon were glaring bright, we went hunting. We ended up passing through a forest of ferns taller than us when I seen a pair of bright burning eyes. It were a devil, and instead of being afeared I were cocky and I jumped at it, snarling and hissing like they do, and it took fright and skedaddled. Becky just shook her head, as if to say You are a right Tom Fool, Hannah, but I didn’t care cos I knew the tigers liked me courage. We drank water from the creek not far from the ferny forest and again Becky sneered at me for lapping up the water like the tigers but it were quick and water didn’t drip through me hands like it did to her. We four sat listening to the night sounds, hearing every little thing and Becky and me seeing into the darkness like we were born with sharp eyes. As we waited to hear the sounds of some animal we might kill come to drink at the creek, Becky looked up at the tree above us and climbed up it like a monkey. She made it look easy. When I asked what she were doing she said she had seen some fruit. She started throwing down berries the size of small apples. I tasted one. It were sour and I wondered if the fruit were poisonous but she said she had a tree like this one at home and it were safe to eat. She chucked down lots of fruit and then jumped down to join us. It was then that I were glad I had hands, cos it were easier to eat holding the fruit than for the tigers who only had their mouths. So I hand-fed them and you know what? Becky started to do it too. We could do things for them, and they could do things for us we couldn’t do.



Becky seemed more happy than I ever seen her since that dreadful day of the picnic. She were rocking back and forth, humming and eating the fruit. I asked her if she were happy and she said she were. I asked the tigers if they were happy. Becky called me stupid. They can’t talk, Hannah. I told her that might be true, but they could understand me. It were then that Becky suddenly stood up, an action that caused me to jump and the tigers to go alert as if something dangerous were round us. I asked her what were the matter? She didn’t say anything but were frantic as she searched round the base of the tree in the long grass, til she found what she were looking for and showed me. It were her mother’s cameo shining in the moonlight. I thought it were funny she was worried about losing it, but she said it belonged to her mother and it were the only thing of hers she had. That’s all I got, she moaned. I got nothing of me father’s and only this to remind me of me dead mother. I hated her misery talk so I climbed up the tree and threw some more fruit to the tigers. From the tree branch I were standing on I looked down and I seen Becky sitting on the grass staring at the cameo, like it belonged to a different life, to a part of her which were a long time ago and she were trying to remember. I dropped a fruit on her head. She yelled, Ouch! and looked up at me. Instead of being angry she were deeply sad. We will never go home, she said. It struck me to the core of me heart to hear her say that. Aye, she were right. We would never go home. I stood on the tree branch and looked out towards the moon-kissed mountains. One day we’ll get home, I said. She just shook her head.

Perhaps it were good that Becky thought that, cos she became closer and more loving to the tigers. She understood that it were the four of us against Nature and only by being close would we survive. She never criticised me being close to Dave and Corinna again. After a night hunting and gorging on prey, me and the tigers would go back and sleep. Becky liked to stay outside the den watching dawn come up and she’d talk to herself, singing rhymes, reciting the colours of the rainbow using a chant a teacher had given her (‘Richard of York Gave Battle in Vain’), arithmetic tables and fairytales her father had read to her. She didn’t want to forget. Me? I thought it were stupid to try and remember like Becky did. I didn’t see any use for it. Me English started to shrivel up, like an old dry skin a snake gets rid of. It just lies there in the grass rotting away and then vanishes with the wind. I took to talking in grunts, coughs and hoarse barks like the tigers. This annoyed Becky no end. But it were simple - the tigers understood me. Becky warned I were making a mistake. You will forget your language. You will forget your parents. You are becoming an animal, she’d say. Why argue with her? She were right on every level.

One autumn evening when the air were full of chill we went out hunting. There were less and less animals ’bout and the birds were flying north. It were weeks since we were full up to dolly’s wax. The tigers must have known what autumn meant cos they didn’t bother to sniff out prey and one evening set off at a steady pace in the opposite direction of our usual hunting grounds. I knew what that meant. They were planning on a long walk. We headed off through tara fern country and once we had left the green world we moved through a forest of blue and silver gums, taking a wide berth round giant fields of barking brilla that we knew were squirming with tiger snakes, and headed down the slopes.

Becky and I wondered where we were going, but the tigers had no way of explaining to us so we could only follow. Becky were thinking out loud at one point, becoming excited that they might be taking us home. I didn’t think so, but they had a purpose in mind cos they seemed to be dead certain where they were going. The good thing were that as we went further downhill the warmer it became. It had been hard to keep warm at times cos I had little of me dress left. It were really just a piece of ripped material that hanged on me like a useless kerchief, and Becky’s, although she was always trying to look after it, were torn too and she used the cameo to pin together two pieces at the top of her dress. She didn’t want anyone to see her chest. Who cares? Who’s gonna see your tits out here? I’d say, which really made her cranky. She thought I were right grubby but I didn’t care. I were wearing bits of me dress but I had thrown away me underclothes. It were easier to piss and shit without them. Becky still washed hers in the creek and wouldn’t be seen without them.

Just after dawn the tigers stopped. They sniffed the air. We sniffed the air too. There were the smell of smoke. Becky burst into a grin as wide as a tiger’s yawn. I always remembered what she said then, in an excited voice, her eyes sparkling: A house! That’s someone’s fire! Without waiting for us, she ran off through the brush and up a slope where she stopped and stared at something I could not see. I raced to join her and there through a mist of trees were a wooden shack with smoke puffing out of the tin chimney. There were someone there! Me heart beat so loud I thought I were going deaf. We were looking at the cottage when I seen a figure, a man with a wild ginger beard, step off the back verandah and walk towards his horse tied to a tree. It’s a man, she said, excited and twitching as if stanged by jack jumpers. She were about to yell out to the man when I slapped her arm.