Between Friends

Chapter 16

When I wake up the next morning, I lie in bed staring at the ceiling. I listen to the quiet murmur of people milling around the resort, and Michelle’s soft snores in the bed beside me. I pull the covers up to my mouth, bite down and let out a muffled cry. Why did I let Ben see me like such a wreck? I should have never let my guard down. I should have never let him see me cry. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

I catch a glimpse of my turquoise bridesmaid dress hanging in the closet and feel completely empty. I want to be happy and excited for the wedding today; there is no reason why I shouldn’t be. Despite Ben’s ultimate betrayal, the sun is still shining, Jessica is about to marry the love of her life, and I am on vacation (something I haven’t taken since I started my real estate career).

I want to shake myself. Stop it! What are you moping about? You knew what Ben was like!

I should have known he would end up breaking my heart. It was inevitable that he would eventually disappoint me. He is not ready to settle down and probably never will be. Now I am doing the one thing I never wanted to do. I am choosing to lose him as a friend forever. A tiny unwanted whimper escapes my lips, but I suck back my emotions and pull myself together. Today is not about me and Ben - it is about Jessica and Michael.

****

The morning flies by like a blur, and I spend the rest of my afternoon trapped inside the Spa tending to Jessica’s every little need in preparation for her big day. I still feel like garbage, and have been less than approachable with hunched shoulders and a permanent frown. Jessica either doesn’t notice my miserere, or she is just ignoring it. Either way, by the time we get our hair done, eat a generous plate of tropical fruit, and drink a dozen morning mimosas; Jessica is still all smiles. I on the other hand can’t manage to stand up straight or even look Stephanie in the eye. Every time she opens her mouth I cringe with anger. Just having her in my presence, makes me sick, because it is a continual reminder that Ben is a man-whore who can keep his prick in his pants.

While Jessica’s stylist adds the finishing touches to her sleek bun, Mrs. Ellis presents Jessica with a gorgeous diamond necklace for her something new and an old antique ring that belonged to her deceased Grandmother for something old. I help Jessica tie the ring to her bouquet so it dangles perfectly from her flowers when she walks down the aisle. Just like a good maid-of-honour should.

Then it’s my turn for something borrowed. Jessica looks expectantly at me, vibrating with excitement. I reach into my clutch, and limply hand her my Sephora exclusive Disney Cinderella compact mirror.

Jessica squeals and yanks it out of my fingers, “I knew that was what you were going to let me borrow.”

I try to force a smile and share in her glee, but my body takes over and shrugs with wide eyes staring off into space. We once spent many play dates as kids imagining and re-enacting the whole Cinderella movie. Jessica would always insist she played Cinderella, because she had the long blonde hair, while I was left playing one of the miserable stepsisters. When Sephora came out with that classy little compact, I rushed there to buy one. When Jessica saw my purchase, she insisted she had to have one too. But because it was a limited edition, by the time she got there they were all sold out. It killed her I had one and she didn’t, so it only made perfect sense it became her something borrowed for today.

Tears form in Jessica’s eyes as she wraps her arms around my neck and whispers for me to place it in her clutch.

Stephanie pipes up, “What do you have for something blue?”

Jessica smiles with a devilish grin, “My bra and panties of course. I have a sexy baby blue ensemble hidden under these layers of silk.”

Mrs. Ellis gasps, and puts her hand over her mouth. Jessica laughs and gives her mom a playful shove, “Don’t worry mother, I swear I am still a virgin.”

“Oh, Jessica” Mrs. Ellis laughs and everyone except me shares a giggle.

In order to finalize Jessica’s look, we head up to the Ellis’s villa. The ceremony is less than an hour, when Mrs. Ellis and myself help Jessica into her lavish strapless organza high-low gown. It is breathtaking. Adorned with beaded detail and a dropped waist that clinches her body to perfection. She was crazy to think it was too tight back in Chicago. It is so stunning; I am shocked silent just basking in her beauty. She looks absolutely perfect.

Jessica’s face changes from happy to ecstatic when she admires herself for the first time all dolled up and looking like a real bride draped in white. Her mother kisses both her cheeks and gushes she is the most beautiful thing she has ever seen. Jessica thanks her mom and looks to me. I give her a tiny hug and a smile. I whisper in her ear that Michael is the luckiest guy in the world. And by marrying Jessica he really is.

When Mrs. Ellis leaves the room, Jessica says, “What is going on?”

“What are you talking about?” I ask completely taken aback.

“You look miserable and it is my wedding day. So chipper up.” She orders.

“I’m fine” I lie and start to fix the fluff on her dress. I want to tell her so badly about Ben, but this is not the place, or the time, and now that it’s over, I never want to think about it ever again.

“I’ve known you your whole life. You can’t fool me.” She scolds.

“Nothing’s wrong. Look.” I plaster a forced grin on my face.

“Well whatever it is, get over it. The ceremony is in fifteen minutes.” Jessica huffs.

I know it’s unfair of me to be pouting on such a beautiful day, and at my best friend’s wedding to boot. But I can’t help but feel the way I do. I am trying my hardest to let everything go and push forward, but it is really really hard. Although, I would actually argue the whole thing is totally Jessica’s fault to begin with. If she hadn’t of suggested Ben as a suitable candidate to Stephanie in the first place, Stephanie would have never revealed their top-secret love affair. Therefore, everything would have been carrying on like normal. Ben and I would still be having great sex (even if it were nothing more to him than a secret “friends with benefits” situation), but at least I would be happy and oblivious to his lies right now!

Mrs. Ellis’s high-pitched voice startles me when she shouts for everyone to start heading down to the ceremony. She tells me to lead the way, so I yank open the door and let everyone funnel out of the villa. Jessica is the last one out and tells me to grab onto the train of her dress. So I do as we make our way down to the beach.

The sun is beaming and warming my skin. A section of the resort is closed off and I can see rows and rows of white chairs lined up under the gigantic gazebo overlooking the ocean. Michael is happily standing beside the marriage officiate, and for the first time today, seeing the look of joy on his face brings my first wave of happiness. It soon changes back to misery when I see Ben poised off of Michael’s shoulder looking ridiculously sexy. I tell myself to look away.

Just do it Megan, look away!

But it’s too late. He catches my stare and a small smile creases at the corners of his lips. I feel my knees buckle and my feet throb in these golden heels. I remind myself I will not let Ben play me for a fool, just like he does with every other woman in the state of Illinois.

When the violins kick in, I watch Michael’s parents walk down the aisle, then Jessica’s mother accompanied by her brother. Stephanie leads the bridal procession and winks at Ben, and he actually winks back! Just like the pig he is. Then Michelle follows, looking lovely with her fancy up-do. I take one quick look back at Jessica and her father, before I emerge into full view of the guests. I whisper she looks beautiful and she smiles back, motioning her hand for me to move forward. So with the deepest breath imaginable, I walk down the aisle in full view of Ben.

To keep myself distracted, I acknowledge anything but the line of ushers at the end of the gazebo. Instead I smile, passing through the guests and looking from side to side. I first see Steven who beams at me. I kick myself when I think how stupid I was for choosing Ben over him. But not anymore, Ben and I have seen our last romp and there isn’t anything he could say or do to convince me otherwise.

I smile at Jessica’s Aunt Florence and even at Michael’s prude mother. She looks completely miserable and on the verge of a meltdown. I sigh with relief thinking at least I am not the most depressed person at this ceremony.

When I get to the front of the makeshift altar, I don’t dare look up at Ben, even though I felt him staring at me the whole time I was walking down the aisle. I know what he wants. I know he is trying to draw me in. Ben is just waiting for me to give him that reassuring smile of forgiveness. But I will not. I will not be that Megan who lets guys walk all over her, and I surely will not be that Megan who constantly gets her heart broken and puts up with it. Her ship has sailed and it is never coming back. The new Megan is standing up for herself, because she truly believes she deserves real love and respect. I will not back down or crack under pressure from his perfect white grin. I have way too much self-respect and pride to be another one of his endless string of women who walk through his revolving door, right into his bedroom. I hold my head high and carry on, placing myself in front of Michelle and Stephanie, showing him how strong I can be.

My palms are clammy and I begin to sweat all over, especially when the only thing standing between us is Michael and the marriage officiate. His eyes are still glued on me, but I remind myself not to be sucked in. He whisperingly shouts out my name, and Michael turns and shushes him, which instinctually forces me to look up. I unwillingly lock eyes with him and watch, as he slowly mouths, “I’m sorry.”

I keep a straight face and look away to see Jessica beaming down the aisle. Her flawless smile and look of pride on her dad’s face, combined with Michael sucking back some tears suddenly makes me weepy. I glance over at Ben, seeing his soft brown eyes prickled with a mixture of hurt and doubt. I wish I could just give him the reassurance he needs to know things will be fine between us. But how could they be? How could I be with someone who has been with more women than Hugh Heffner? How could I be with someone who doesn’t believe in love and commitment? And now, after all of this, how could we possibly go back to being friends like we once were?

Jessica and her father distract the both of us, when they approach the altar. Her father has a huge crocodile tear rolling down his cheek when he gently places Jessica’s hand in Michael’s. He gives his only daughter a kiss on the cheek, before he hands her off on the most highly anticipated day of her life.