A Christmas Bride

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

KAYLEEN HUDDLED IN the chair in Lina’s living room and did her best to keep breathing. She’d recently discovered that terror and anxiety tended to make her hold her breath. Then she ended up gasping, which was not attractive or likely to make herself feel better.

She’s hideous,” she moaned. “Isn’t it enough that she abandoned me when I was a baby? Does she have to show up now?”

Lina patted her hand. “I am so sorry. My brother thought he was helping. Truly.”

I know. I’ve already mentally flogged myself for not telling the truth, but I just hate talking about my biological family. It’s pathetic to be abandoned twice. What does that say about me?”

That you rose above your circumstances. That you have great character and inner strength. That we are lucky to have you marrying into our family.”

Kayleen smiled. “You’re good.”

Thank you. It’s a gift. Now about your mother...”

Kayleen’s smile faded. “I don’t want to think about her, but I have to. She’s everywhere. Lurking. She constantly shows up without warning. She has totally terrified the girls. Last night she made Pepper cry when she told her she was going to have to be smart in life because she wasn’t that pretty. Pepper wanted to hit her and I almost let her. Who says that to a little girl? Pepper’s adorable. I can forgive her being mean to me, but to little kids? Never.”

Do you want me to tell her to leave the country?” Lina asked. “I will. I can be very imperious. We can ship her back on the next plane.”

Kayleen was tempted. Very tempted. “I can’t tell you how much I want to say yes. It’s just...she’s my mother. Shouldn’t I try to have a relationship with her? Don’t I owe her?”

Only you can answer that. Although I must ask what you owe her for. Giving birth? You didn’t ask to be born. That was her choice. And with having a child, comes responsibility. If she didn’t want to be bothered, she should have given you up for adoption.”

I wonder why she didn’t,” Kayleen said. What would her life have been like if she’d been raised by a couple who wanted a child? She couldn’t begin to imagine.

Who knows. Perhaps the paperwork was too complicated for her tiny brain.”

Kayleen grinned. “I like that. But it still leaves me with the issue of what to do with her. While I appreciate your offer to get rid of her, that doesn’t feel right to me. I think I have to try and make a real connection with her, no matter how different we are. I’ll deal with her for another week. If we can’t find some common ground and she’s still acting awful, then I’ll take you up on your offer.”

You’re giving her more chances than I would, but you have a kinder heart.”

Or more guilt.” She sighed. “You don’t suppose As’ad thinks I’m anything like her, do you?”

Of course not. We can’t pick our relatives. Don’t worry—he doesn’t blame you for your mother.”

I hope not.” She rose. “All right. I need to go make good on my word and try to spend time with Darlene.”

Let me know how it goes.”

I will.”

Kayleen walked down a flight of stairs to her suite. She paused at the door, then moved to the next one and knocked.

Come in.”

She walked into her mother’s suite and found her at the dining room table, sipping coffee. There was a plate of toast and some fruit in a bowl.

Breakfast, she thought, trying not to judge. It was after eleven.

Oh, there you are,” Darlene said by way of greeting. “I just received the most delightful note from the king. I’m invited to a formal party. Something diplomatic. It sounds fabulous. I’ll need something to wear. Can you take care of that?”

Kayleen sat across from her at the table. “Sure. One of the boutiques is sending over some dresses. If you give me your size information, I’ll have them send over some for you.”

Darlene smiled. “I like the service here.”

Despite the fact that she hadn’t been up very long, Darlene was perfectly made-up, with her hair styled. She wore a silk robe that clung to her curves. She looked beautiful, in a brittle sort of way.

I thought maybe we could spend some time together,” Kayleen told her. “Get to know each other. Catch up.”

Darlene raised her eyebrows. “What do you want to know? I got pregnant at sixteen, left you with my mother and took off for Hollywood. I landed a few guest spots on soaps and a few prime-time shows, which paid the bills. Then I met a guy who took me to Las Vegas. You can make a lot more money there. Which I did. But time isn’t a woman’s friend. I need to secure my future. I wasn’t sure how that was going to happen, when I heard from your king. Now I’m here.”

Kayleen leaned toward her. “I’m your daughter. Don’t you want to at least be friends?”

Darlene studied her for a long time. “You have a very soft heart, don’t you?”

I’ve never thought about it.”

You took in those girls. Now you’re adopting them. You’re going to be exactly the kind of wife As’ad wants.”

I love him. I want him to be happy.”

Darlene nodded slowly. “You like it here? In El Deharia?”

Of course. It’s beautiful. Not just the city, but out in the desert. I’m learning the language, the customs. I want to fit in.”

Darlene lit a cigarette. Her gaze was sharp, as if she were trying to figure something out. “The king is nice.”

He’s very kind and understanding.”

Interesting. Those aren’t the words I would have used.” Her mother sipped her coffee. “Yes, Kayleen, I would like us to be friends. I just showed up here, which had to have been a shock. I’ve only been thinking of myself. I’m sorry for that.”

Really?” Kayleen was surprised, but pleased to hear the words. “That’s okay. You’ve had a difficult life.”

So have you. But a better one than you would have had if you’d gotten stuck with my family. I know you probably don’t believe that, but it’s true.” She rose. “Let me shower and get dressed. Then, if you have time, you can take me on a tour of the palace. It’s a beautiful building.”

It is. I’ve been studying the history. I want to know everything about As’ad and his people.”

Darlene’s expression tightened. “I’m sure he appreciates that.”

* * *

AS’AD TOOK KAYLEEN’S hand in his and kissed her fingers. “What troubles you?”

They were having lunch together in his office. She smiled at him. “Nothing. I’m just thinking.”

Obviously not about how you consider yourself blessed above all women for being engaged to me.”

She laughed. “No. Not that. I’m thinking about my mother.”

I see.”

She looked at him. “You don’t approve of her?”

I do not know her. What matters to me is your feelings.”

I’m not sure of anything,” she admitted, wondering when everything had gotten so complicated. “I told her I thought we should get to know each other and try to be friends.”

And?”

It’s better,” she said slowly. “I just don’t know if I believe her. Then I feel horrible for saying that. I asked, she agreed and now I’m questioning that? Shouldn’t I trust her?”

Trust must be earned. You have a biological connection, but you don’t know this woman.”

You’re right. I’m so uncomfortable about everything.” Especially Darlene’s statements that she was in El Deharia to find a rich man to secure her future. Kayleen was torn between keeping her emotional distance and wanting to have family.

She’d always been taught to see the best in people, to believe they would come through in the end. So thinking her mother was using her violated what she knew to be right and what she felt in her heart. But assuming all was well violated her common sense.

She glanced at him. “You know I’m not like her, right?”

He smiled. “Yes, I know.”

Good.”

* * *

DARLENE HUMMED AS she flipped through the dresses on the rack. “I could so get used to this,” she murmured as she picked out a low-cut black gown that glittered with scattered beads. “The work is incredible. The details are hand-done. Have you looked at these prices? Twenty-three thousand dollars. Just like that.” She put the black dress in front of her and turned to the full-length mirror set up in Kayleen’s living room. “What do you think?”

It’s beautiful.” Kayleen thought the dress lacked subtlety, but what did she know about fashion?

Darlene laughed. “Not your thing?”

Not exactly.”

You’re young. You’ll grow into black.” She carried the dress over to the tray of jewelry on the dining room table. “I’m thinking the sapphire-and-diamond-drop earrings and that matching pendant. Or the bracelet. As much as I want to wear both, less is more. Are you wearing that?”

Kayleen held up a strapless emerald-colored dress. The style was simple, yet elegant. It wasn’t especially low-cut, but it was more daring than anything she’d ever worn. Still, she wanted to be beautiful for As’ad.

I love it,” she admitted. “But it makes me nervous.”

It’s all in the boning. That dress is couture. It should have the support built right in. Don’t worry—you’ll stay covered.” Darlene put her dress back on the rack, then returned to the jewelry tray. “Something surprising. Young, but sophisticated. Let’s see.”

She picked up an earring, then put it down. She handed another to Kayleen. “Here.”

Kayleen took the piece and studied the curving shape. The free-form design was open and sparkled with white and champagne diamonds.

Really? Not the emeralds?”

Too expected with the dress,” Darlene told her. “And just the earrings. No necklace or bracelet. You’re young and beautiful. Go with it. When you start to fade, you can add the sparkle. Someone’s going to do your hair, right? You’ll want it up, with long curls down your back. And you don’t wear enough makeup. It’s a party. Use eyeliner.”

Kayleen put in the earring, then held her hair away from her face. “You’re right.”

Thanks. I’ve been around a long time and I know what men like. Now let’s see how I look in this black dress.”

She stripped down to her lingerie and then stepped into the black gown. Kayleen helped with the zipper.

Perfect,” Darlene said as she stared at herself in the mirror. “I’ve already met the Spanish ambassador earlier in the garden. He’s very charming. A little older, but that’s good. I can be his prize.”

Kayleen didn’t know what to say to that. “Have you ever been married?”

Darlene held her hair up, as if considering the right style. “Once, years ago. I was eighteen. He was nobody. But I was in love and I told myself money didn’t matter. Then the marriage ended and I had nothing. I learned my lesson. Something you should learn.”

What are you talking about?”

As’ad. You get starry-eyed when he’s around. It’s embarrassing for all of us.”

Kayleen flushed. “We’re engaged.”

I don’t see how that matters.” Darlene stepped out of the dress and put it back on the hanger, then reached for her own clothes. “I know this sounds harsh, but believe me, I have your best interests in mind. Men like As’ad don’t have to bother with love. You’re setting yourself up for heartache. Take what you can get and move on.”

So no one matters. No one touches your heart.”

Life is easier that way,” her mother told her.

You’re wrong,” Kayleen said. “Life is emptier that way. We are more than the sum of our experiences. We are defined by our relationships. The people we love and those who love us in return. In the end, that matters more than money.”

So speaks the girl who has never been hungry and without a home.”

Kayleen stiffened. “I have been without a home. My grandmother dumped me at an orphanage because she couldn’t be bothered. But then why should she when my own mother walked out on me?”

Darlene pulled on her shirt and buttoned it. “Here we go,” she said, sounding bored. “Poor you. Nobody loves you. Get over it. Life is hard, so make the best of it.”

You mean use other people to get what you want.”

If necessary.” Darlene seemed untouched by the comment. “Maybe it seems cruel to be tossed aside, but sometimes it’s worse to be kept. Your grandmother wasn’t exactly a loving parent. There’s a reason I left.”

I was your daughter. You should have taken me with you.”

You would have only dragged me down.”

So you left me to the same fate?”

Darlene shrugged. “You got lucky. She didn’t bother with you. Trust me, if she had, it would have been a whole lot worse.”

Kayleen didn’t want to believe the words, but it was impossible not to. “You don’t care about me at all.”

I’m proud of what you’ve accomplished.”

Catching a rich man?”

Every woman’s dream.”

Not mine,” Kayleen told her. “I only wanted to belong.”

Then consider the irony. You have what I want and I’ve turned down a thousand of what you want. Life sure has a sense of humor.”

The battle between Kayleen’s head and her heart ended. She walked over to the tray of jewelry and shook it. “This is why you’re here. This is why you’re pretending we can be friends. Let me guess—if you land the Spanish ambassador, you’ll be gone and I’ll never hear from you again. Until you need something.”

Darlene shrugged. “I didn’t come looking for you, honey. I was living my life, minding my own business. You’re the one who set all this in motion. I’m just taking advantage of the ride.”

Kayleen had always tried to hate her mother. It had been easier than being disappointed and heartbroken over being thrown away. But it was impossible to hate someone so flawed and unhappy.

It won’t matter if you end up with the Spanish ambassador,” Kayleen told her mother. “You’ll never feel like you have enough. There’s not enough money in the world to fill that hole inside of you. It’s going to take more. It’s going to take giving your heart.”

Spare me.” Darlene waved her hand dismissively.

I can’t. You can only spare yourself. But you won’t listen to me because you think you already know everything you need to. You can’t use me anymore. You can stay for the party, but then you have to leave.”

Her mother glared at her. “Who the hell are you to tell me whether or not I can stay?”

Kayleen drew herself up to her full height. “I’m As’ad’s fiancée.”

* * *

KAYLEEN WAS DETERMINED to enjoy her first formal event despite feeling uneasy about her mother. Darlene had been friendly, as if nothing had happened. As if she wasn’t planning on leaving. Kayleen was determined to handle the situation herself, so she didn’t mention anything to As’ad.

He came to her door a little past seven, looking tall and handsome in a black tuxedo and white shirt.

Dana let him in after insisting Kayleen needed to make an entrance.

You’re so pretty,” the girl told her. “He needs to see all of you at once.”

Kayleen did her best not to fidget as As’ad walked toward her, his dark eyes unreadable. He paused in front of her.

You are perfection,” he murmured as he lightly kissed her. “I will have to keep you close or you will be stolen away.”

Not likely,” she told him with a laugh. She turned in a slow circle. “You like the dress?”

Yes, but I adore the woman who wears it.”

Her heart fluttered.

She’d taken Darlene’s advice on her hair, asking the stylist to put the top part up and leave the rest in long curls. The gown fit snugly and seemed secure enough for her to relax. She wore the champagne-and-white-diamond earrings, along with a simple diamond bracelet. Her high-heeled sandals gave her an extra four inches and would be excruciating by the end of the evening, but they looked fabulous.

When do we get to go to formal state parties?” Pepper asked with a whine. “I want a new dress and fancy hair.”

When you are thirteen.”

But that’s forever away.”

He touched her nose. “You will get there soon enough.”

I only have to wait a year and a half,” Dana said happily. “Then I can go.”

Three pretty girls,” As’ad told Kayleen. “We’re going to have to watch them closely. There will be boys at these parties.”

Am I pretty, too?” Pepper asked. Her eyes were big and she sounded doubtful, as if expecting a negative answer.

Kayleen remembered Darlene’s harsh assessment and wanted to bonk her mother on the head for it.

As’ad crouched in front of the little girl. “You are more than pretty. You are a classic beauty. Never doubt yourself. You are to be a princess.”

Pepper smiled widely. “When I’m a princess can I chop off people’s heads if they’re mean to me?”

As’ad choked back a laugh and straightened. “No, but you will have other powers.” He took Kayleen’s hand. “We must leave. Be good tonight.”

We will,” Nadine told him.

Kayleen waved as they left. This being a palace, there was always someone to babysit.

They walked the length of the long corridor, then went down a flight of stairs. Once on the main floor, they joined the milling crowd walking toward the ballroom.

While Kayleen had toured the palace many times, she’d never seen the ballroom anything but empty. She was unprepared for the thousands of lights glittering from dozens of massive chandeliers or perfectly set tables set around a large dance floor.

The room was like something out of a movie. Well-dressed couples chatted and danced and sipped champagne. She’d never seen so many jewels in her life. Each dress was more beautiful than the one before, each man more handsome. As they walked into the ballroom, she waited for the sense of not belonging to sweep over her. She waited to feel awkward or out of place. Instead there was only contentment and the knowledge that she belonged here.

The burst of confidence bubbled inside of her, as if she’d already had too much champagne. She enjoyed the sensation, knowing this was her world now. She would marry a wonderful man and together they would adopt the girls. In time she would have children of her own.

As’ad led her to the dance floor, then pulled her into his arms. “Now what are you thinking?” he asked.

That I’m Cinderella and I’ve finally arrived at the ball.”

So you leave me at midnight?”

She stared into his eyes. “I’ll never leave you.”

He stared back. “Good. I do not wish you to go. I need you, Kayleen. I will always need you.”

Happiness filled her until she felt as if she could float. The music was perfect, as was the night. They danced until the king arrived, then As’ad led her around and introduced her to several of the guests.

The sound of loud laughter caught her attention. She turned and saw Darlene leaning against a much older, heavyset man. The man’s attention seemed locked on her barely covered chest.

The Spanish ambassador?” Kayleen asked As’ad.

Yes. Do you wish to meet him?”

Not especially.”

He watched Darlene. “So that is who she has chosen?”

Apparently.”

He’s very rich, but alas, he is married. His wife does not accompany him when he travels.”

Married? Kayleen looked at her mother. Did Darlene know?

I should tell her,” she said.

He frowned. “Why?”

Because she’s looking for security in her old age and he’s obviously not the way to find it.”

Do you care what happens to her?”

She’s my mother. I can’t not care.” Which didn’t mean she’d changed her mind. She still wanted her mother gone. Not that she’d figured out how to make her go.

I think it is time I dance with my new sister.”

Kayleen turned and saw Qadir, As’ad’s brother, standing next to her.

Assuming you don’t mind,” Qadir told As’ad.

One dance and don’t flirt.”

Qadir laughed. “I flirt as easily as I breathe. Are you so worried that I will steal her away?”

A man always guards what is precious to him.”

Kayleen held in a sigh. “Flirt away,” she told Qadir. “My heart belongs to your brother.”

Then he is a lucky man.” Qadir led her to the dance floor. “You are beautiful tonight.”

Just tonight? Am I usually a troll?”

He laughed. “So this is what has charmed my brother. There’s a brain.”

I have all my organs. Unusual, but there we are.”

He laughed again. They chatted about the party and the guests. Qadir told her outrageous stories about several people, including a rumor about an English duchess who complained about not being allowed to bring her dog to the event.

When the dance was finished, Kayleen excused herself. Qadir was nice enough, but not the person she wanted to spend the evening with.

She walked around the edge of the room, and saw As’ad speaking with her mother.

That can’t be good,” she muttered to herself and crossed the room to where they were standing.

You will leave,” As’ad said as Kayleen approached.

I’m not so sure about that,” Darlene told him. “The girl is my daughter. Who are you to come between her and her family?”

A man who is willing to pay you to leave.”

Kayleen caught her breath. No. As’ad couldn’t do that. It wasn’t right. She moved forward, but neither of them noticed her.

You will not see her again,” he continued. “If she contacts you herself, that is fine, but you will not have contact with her directly without her permission.”

So many rules.” Darlene smiled. “That’ll cost you.”

I would think a million dollars would be enough.”

Oh, please. Not even close. I want five.”

Three.”

I’ll take four and you’ll consider it a bargain.”

The room went still. Oh, sure, people were dancing and talking and Kayleen was confident the orchestra kept playing, but she couldn’t hear anything except the conversation of the two people in front of her.

I’ll wire the money as soon as you get me an account number,” he said.

I can give it to you tonight.” Darlene patted his arm. “You really care for her. That’s sweet.”

She is to be my wife.”

So I hear. You know she’s in love with you.”

Kayleen’s breath caught.

I know.” As’ad spoke quietly, confidently.

I’ll bet that makes things real easy for you,” Darlene said.

It does.”

Her mother tilted her head. “You think she’s foolish enough to think you love her back?”

You are not to tell her otherwise.”

Of course not.” Darlene smiled again. “But I think I should be allowed to keep the dress and the jewelry then. As a token of goodwill.”

As you wish.”

Then she’ll never hear the truth from me.”