A Christmas Bride

CHAPTER NINE

TAKE ANOTHER DRINK of tea,” Lina said soothingly.

Kayleen wrinkled her nose. The brew was a nasty herbal concoction that tasted like wet carpet smelled, but her friend assured her it would help. At this point, Kayleen was open to any suggestions.

She finished the mug and set it on the table, then grabbed a cookie she didn’t want to get the taste out of her mouth.

Better?” Lina asked.

Kayleen nodded because it was expected. In truth she didn’t feel better, she felt awful. She still couldn’t get herself to understand what had happened or how she’d so quickly and easily lost her moral compass. Yes, As’ad was handsome and charming and an amazing kisser, but she should have been stronger than that.

Lina sighed. “I can see by the look on your face that you’re still beating yourself up. You need to let it go. Men like my nephew have been tempting women since the beginning of time.”

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the information,” Kayleen murmured. “It’s just...”

It doesn’t help,” Lina said kindly.

Sort of. I feel so stupid and inexperienced.”

At least you’re more experienced than you were.”

Despite everything, Kayleen smiled. “That’s true. I won’t fall for that again. Next time, I’ll resist.”

Assuming there was a next time. Her last meeting with As’ad had ended badly. He had to be furious.

He was serious about marrying you,” Lina told her. “Don’t dismiss that.”

I didn’t have a choice. He didn’t propose—he commanded, then he expected me to be grateful. I know he’s part of your family and you love him, but that wasn’t a proposal, Lina. He’s just so...”

Imperious?”

Among other things.”

And it hurt, Kayleen admitted to herself. That he would talk to her that way. If he’d come to her with compassion, truly understanding what she was going through, she would have been appreciative of what he offered. She might have been tempted to say yes. At least then her world would have been set right. But to act the way he did?

I understand,” Lina said. “As’ad is like most princes—used to being impressive. He handled the situation badly and violated your romantic fantasy at the same time.”

Kayleen frowned. “I don’t have a romantic fantasy.”

Don’t you?”

An interesting question. She’d never really thought about getting married and having a family, so she’d never really thought about a proposal. But if she had, it would have been different. Flowers and candlelight and a man promising to love her forever.

The image was clear enough to touch, she thought ruefully.

Okay, maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t allow myself to believe it would ever happen, but deep down inside, I wanted more than instructions and an order to feel grateful.”

Lina winced. “That bad?”

Oh, yeah. The only good news is I slammed the bathroom door in his face. I don’t think that happens to As’ad very much.” She touched her stomach, as if she could rub away the knot that had formed inside. If As’ad was angry enough, he could send her away and she might never see the girls again. “How mad is he?”

He’s less angry and more confused. From his perspective, he did a wonderful thing.”

Kayleen resisted the need to roll her eyes. “I’ll write a thank-you note later.”

His world is a different place,” Lina said quietly. “Like his brothers, he has been raised to know that he will be expected to serve his country, that his life, while privileged, comes with a price. Growing up it was difficult for him to know who truly wanted to be friends because they liked him, and who wanted to be friends with a prince. He made mistakes and slowly learned whom he could and could not trust.”

Kayleen could relate to the pain of not having real friends, of wanting to find a place that was safe.

But he had his brothers.”

Yes, and that helped. Still, as he got older, there were many girls, then women, willing to do anything to make him fall in love with them. Or at least sleep with them.”

Kayleen felt heat on her cheeks. “Like me.”

Not like you at all. You didn’t throw yourself at him or pretend to be interested. You were caught up in circumstances. As’ad shares blame in what happened. I’m simply saying he has a different perspective. While his proposal was meant to be the right thing, he handled it badly. As’ad isn’t skilled in dealing with emotion. His father saw to that. He was taught that emotions make a man weak. He avoids them.”

Kayleen had heard that from him and still found it hard to believe anyone could think of love as a weakness. Love gave a person infinite power and strength.

Is there any part of you that wants to marry As’ad?” Lina asked.

The question was unexpected. Kayleen considered her reply. “It seems the easy way out.”

Which does not give me an answer.”

Did she want to marry As’ad? In truth, the idea wasn’t horrible. He was a nice man and the thought of spending every night in his bed was thrilling beyond words, which probably meant she was in even worse shape than she’d first thought.

But there was more to marriage than the physical, she thought. There was a lifetime of connection. Did she want to have children with As’ad? Be a true mother to the three girls? Live in El Deharia forever?

The swell of longing surprised her. The need to belong—to have roots and a home—swept over her until it was difficult to breathe. She’d been on the outside looking in all her life. To be inside now was more than she’d ever dreamed. But to marry without love?

I’m tempted,” she admitted. “Marrying As’ad would give me so much. But I’m not in love with him.”

Practical marriages are a time-honored tradition,” Lina reminded her.

I’m not royal. He’s a prince. Doesn’t that matter?”

The old ways have changed. Now a prince may pick his bride. You have qualities such as honor, intelligence and kindness that make you everything I could want for As’ad.”

The gentle praise made Kayleen want to cry again. “Thank you,” she whispered.

There is more to consider,” Lina said. “As the wife of a prince, you would be in a position to do good on a grand scale, both here and in the world. You could devote yourself to many worthwhile causes, assuming you have time after you and As’ad start to have children.”

Lina painted a picture that was difficult to resist. “Allow me to use some of the intelligence you claim I have to point out you’re manipulating me.”

Lina smiled. “Perhaps a little, but not as much as I could. If I truly wanted to convince you against your will, I would tell you that As’ad needs you. He needs someone who will love him unconditionally and teach him how important love is.”

I don’t love him.”

Lina’s smile never wavered. “Perhaps you are right, but I’m not convinced. I know you, Kayleen. You wouldn’t give yourself lightly to a man. I think you have feelings for As’ad and it won’t take much for them to grow. Everyone deserves love. Give him his and in time, he will give you yours.”

The idea of being loved was much more powerful than the fantasy of being a princess. Yes, the palace was lovely, but Kayleen would be content to live in a trailer at the ends of the earth if she could be with a man who truly loved her.

Was Lina right? Did she, Kayleen, have feelings for As’ad? Did he need her to care for him?

What are you thinking?” Lina asked.

That I don’t know what to do.”

Then we are in a good place to start finding that out.”

* * *

KAYLEEN FORCED HERSELF to go to As’ad’s office because it was the right thing to do. She knew that he had only been trying to help and the fact that he’d done it so badly didn’t excuse her behavior or take away his intent. Still, it was embarrassing to face him again after her emotional outburst. She’d slammed a door in his face, both figuratively and literally. He might not be so happy to see her.

She walked into his office. Neil, his assistant, didn’t immediately throw her out, which she considered a good sign.

Is he available?” she asked.

Perhaps. Just a moment.” Neil buzzed As’ad and announced her. There was a pause before Neil said, “You may go in.”

Kayleen nodded, then braced herself and opened the door.

The prince rose as she entered. He wore a suit, which was typical, yet everything about him seemed different.

Maybe it was because she knew him. She’d touched his bare skin, had been as intimate with him as it was possible to be. She knew his heat, his taste, his sound. She knew what he could do to her and how she could make him react. Nothing was as it had been and she wondered if it would ever be the same again.

Kayleen.”

His voice was low, his dark eyes unreadable.

Their last meeting was a blur. She’d been beyond upset, still reeling from the reality of what she’d done. While she’d tried to explain that her feelings were about herself and not him, she wasn’t sure he’d understood or believed her. Oddly, she didn’t want him to feel bad.

She crossed her arms over her chest, then dropped her hands to her sides. The silence stretched between them. It occurred to her that he might be feeling a little awkward after the way she’d rejected him.

Was that possible? Did a prince get upset when his proposal of marriage was thrown back in his face? She couldn’t decide if As’ad was too arrogant to feel rejection or if the lack of it in his life left him unprepared for the sensation.

I’m sorry,” she told him, meeting his gaze. “You came to me in good faith and made a generous offer. I handled the situation badly. I know you meant well and I should have acknowledged that. You were trying to do the right thing.”

I was,” he agreed. “But I have blame, as well. I could have phrased things differently and not been so...”

Imperious?” she offered.

That is not the word I would have chosen.”

And yet it fits perfectly.”

His gaze narrowed slightly. “Your apology seems to be lacking humility.”

Humility has never been a strength for me. Yet another flaw.”

You have much to recommend yourself, Kayleen. That is what I should have told you before.”

Had he always been so good-looking? she wondered as she got caught up in his eyes. His features were perfectly balanced and his mouth...just looking at it made her remember kissing him over and over again.

Weakness invaded her legs, making it suddenly difficult to stand. Fortunately As’ad took her arm and led her to the sofa at the far end of his large office. When she was seated, he settled next to her.

He smiled. “You challenge me.”

Not right now.”

True, but let’s give it a minute. You have done well with the girls.”

They mean a lot to me.”

He touched her cheek. “I do not want to see you lock yourself behind convent walls. In my arrogance, I chose to make that decision for you. I chose to seduce you so that you couldn’t return. It was wrong of me and I apologize.”

She opened her mouth, then closed it. He’d planned it? All of it? “You slept with me on purpose? You weren’t caught up in the moment?” The information stunned her and hurt quite a bit.

I was more than caught up,” he told her. “You bewitched me.”

I don’t think so.”

He cupped her chin, forcing her to look at him. “I assure you, my desire for you remains as fiery as ever.”

There was a light in his eyes, a need she recognized. Her insides clenched and she found herself wanting to be with him again. The hurt faded.

I took away your choices,” he told her. “I decided for you and that is wrong.”

An apology is enough,” she muttered, wishing she could look away from his intense gaze.

It is not.”

Marriage is a pretty high price to pay for poor judgment.”

One corner of his mouth lifted. “I said I was wrong to decide for you. I never said there was anything wrong with my judgment.”

What?”

He released her chin only to take her hand in his. “Kayleen, I am a man in need of a wife. I need someone who understands what it is to give with her whole heart, who will love the girls and El Deharia and my people. I need someone who cares more about what is right than the latest fashions or how many pieces of jewelry she has in her possession. A woman I can respect, who will stand up to me and yet be by my side. I need you.”

She heard the words. Her heart was still beating, she could hear that, too, and feel his hand on hers. And yet it was like she’d left her body and was watching the moment from somewhere else. Because there was no way this was really happening to her. Princes didn’t propose to her. Normal guys didn’t even want to date her.

But...”

Do you doubt my sincerity?” he asked. “I cannot promise to be the most perfect husband, but I will try to be all you wish me to be. I need you, Kayleen. Only you.”

Need. The word was magic. To be needed meant to never be abandoned. She would have a home, a husband, a family. As Lina had pointed out, she could help people and make a difference in the world. Her—some no-name kid whose only family had dumped her on the steps of an orphanage and left her forever.

I can’t be a princess,” she blurted without thinking. “I don’t even know who my father is. What if he’s in prison or worse? I told you about my mother. She abandoned me. My grandmother didn’t want me, either. What if there’s something hideously wrong with me?”

There is not. There never could be.” As’ad drew her hand to his mouth and kissed her fingers. “I know you,” he told her. “That is enough. I know your character and you are more than I could ever wish for. I would be proud to have you as my wife. Marry me, Kayleen. Marry me and adopt the girls. We will be a family together. We need you.”

There was only one answer, she thought as her eyes filled with tears. Happy tears, she reminded herself as she nodded.

Yes,” she whispered. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”

I am pleased.”

He leaned in and kissed her. She started to respond, but then he straightened and removed something from his jacket pocket. Seconds later, he slipped a massive diamond ring onto her finger.

She stared down at the center stone. It was nearly as big as a dinner plate. It glittered and shimmered and was unlike anything she had ever seen.

Do you like it?” he asked.

I don’t know if I can live up to it,” she admitted. “I think the ring is a little too smug for me. What if it calls me names behind my back?”

He chuckled. “This is why you delight me.”

Seriously, As’ad. I own two pairs of earrings, a cross necklace and a watch. I don’t think I can wear this.”

What if I told you I picked that stone specifically and had it set for you? The diamond belonged to an ancestor of mine. A queen known for speaking her mind and ruling both her people and her husband with wisdom and love. She was admired by all. She lived a long time and saw many grandsons born. I think she would have liked you very much.”

As he spoke, the ring seemed to glow a little brighter. The last of Kayleen’s fears faded and she knew she had finally found the place she was supposed to be.

* * *

AS PLANNED, AS’AD went to Kayleen’s suite after work that evening. She and the girls were waiting, although only Kayleen knew the nature of the announcement.

He walked in to a domestic scene, with Dana and Nadine both absorbed in their homework and Pepper on Kayleen’s lap. The little girl read aloud.

As’ad took in the moment, thinking how it looked like a styled photograph. They were his responsibility now—all of them.

His gaze settled on the woman he would marry. Over the years he hadn’t given much thought to his bride and he never would have imagined someone like Kayleen. But now that she was here—in his life—he knew he had made an excellent choice. She would suit him very well.

As for the sisters—he had grown fond of them. With Kayleen he would have sons, but the girls would always be special, for they had come first.

He smiled as he imagined facing Dana’s first boyfriend. It would not be easy to meet a prince on a first date, but having to deal with him would be an excellent test of character for any young man.

Kayleen looked up first. “As’ad, you’re here.”

So I am.”

She took the book from Pepper, then set the girl on the sofa next to her. After she rose, she paused, as if not sure what to do. They were engaged now—some greeting was required. Obviously she did not know what.

He crossed the room to her and pulled her close, then kissed her. Behind him, he heard the girls murmuring. They were not used to such displays of affection, but they would become accustomed to them. He enjoyed being with a woman and having Kayleen in his bed would be one of the perks of married life.

When he stepped back, he kept his arm around her.

We have something to tell you,” he said.

All three girls huddled together, their eyes wide and apprehensive.

Kayleen smiled. “It’s a good thing. Don’t worry.”

Kayleen and I are to be married,” As’ad said. “Nothing has been formally announced so you’ll need to keep the information a secret for now, but I wanted you to know.”

The girls stared at each other, then back at him. “What about us?” Dana asked, sounding worried.

Kayleen knelt down and held out her arms. “You’re staying right here. With us. We’ll both adopt you. This will be your home forever.”

Nadine and Pepper ran into her embrace. Dana looked at him. Her smile was bright and happy, her eyes wide with excitement.

I’d hoped this would happen,” she admitted. “I wanted you to figure out you were in love with Kayleen. You look at her the way Daddy used to look at Mommy.”

Love? Not possible, As’ad thought, dismissing the very idea. Kayleen kept her head down. Dana rushed to her.

Do you have a ring?” the girl asked.

Kayleen removed it from her pocket and slipped it on her fingers. The girls gasped.

That’s really, really big,” Pepper said. “Is it heavy?”

I’m getting used to it.”

As’ad watched in contentment. All had turned out well, thanks to his aunt. She had given him advice on the best way to approach Kayleen. While he didn’t usually agree with taking advice from a woman, in this case she was the acknowledged expert.

She had told him about Kayleen’s desire to be needed. It was a position he could respect. Having a place to belong was far better than worrying about a fleeting emotion like love.

Kayleen stood. The girls rushed at him and he found himself embracing them all. He bent down and gathered Pepper into his arms, then straightened and settled her on his hip.

I’m a real princess now,” she said. “I want a crown.”

A princess wears a tiara,” he told her.

Then one of those. Does this mean the next time I hit a bully I won’t get into trouble?”

Hitting anyone is never a good idea,” Kayleen told her.

Pepper sighed and looked into his eyes. “But you’re the prince. Can’t you change that?”

She was delightful, as were her sisters. He smiled. “I will see what I can do.”

You shouldn’t encourage her,” Kayleen told him.

Perhaps not, but he suddenly wanted all that was possible for the girls. He wanted to give them everything, show them everything, and always keep them safe.

An odd pressure tightened in his chest. It was a feeling he didn’t recognize, so he ignored it. But it was there.

* * *

FAYZA ST. JOHN arrived the next morning exactly on time for her prearranged meeting with Kayleen. She was a fifteen-year veteran of the protocol office, something she shared with Kayleen immediately upon their meeting.

I’ll be in charge of the wedding,” Fayza said as she stretched her thin lips into what Kayleen hoped was a smile.

Everything about the woman was thin—her body, her face, her legs, her hair. She was well-dressed, but more than a little scary-looking, although elegant. Kayleen had the feeling that the other woman already knew her dress had been bought at sixty percent off at a discount outlet and that the patch pockets had been added after the fact to cover a stain that wouldn’t come out.

You’re our first bride in decades,” Fayza went on. “Princess Lina was the last, of course. With the princes getting older, we knew it was just a matter of time, so we’ve been doing a lot of prep work, just in case. Now you’ll have to deal with a lot of decisions yourself, but much of the wedding will be handled out of my office. You can request things like colors, but everything will have to be vetted. While this is your happy day, it is also a state occasion.” She paused. “Any questions?”

Kayleen shook her head. A question would require a functioning brain, which she didn’t have at the moment. Marrying As’ad was unexpected enough, but to find out the event would be a state occasion?

Obviously no serious work can get done until we have a date,” Fayza continued. “The king mentioned a spring wedding.”

Uh-huh.”

With a formal announcement right after the holidays?”

Kayleen nodded.

All right. That gives us time, which, believe me, we won’t have enough of. You’ll start working with one of our people right away. She’ll help you learn the culture and traditions of El Deharia. You’ll need instruction in the language, deportment, current events, etiquette and a hundred other things I can’t even think of right now. Oh, I’ll need your personal list for the announcements and the wedding. What family are you inviting?”

Kayleen had to consciously not grab her head to keep it from spinning. This wasn’t anything she’d imagined. All she wanted was to marry As’ad and get on with her life.

Does it have to be like this?” she asked. “Can we just go away and get married quietly?”

Fayza laughed. “He’s a prince, dear. And the first one to marry. You’re going to be on the cover of People magazine.”

The idea made her want to throw up. “What if I don’t want to be?”

Sorry—this will be the social event of the spring. We’ll try to keep the number of guests down. Anything over five hundred is a nightmare.”

F-five hundred? Five? As in five hundred?

Kayleen stood and walked to the window. The need to run was as powerful as her instinct to keep breathing. None of this felt right, probably because it wasn’t. Not for her. But this was As’ad’s world. This was what he expected. If she was to be his wife, she would have to learn his ways. He believed in her and she wouldn’t let him down.

Your family? About how many?” Fayza asked again.

What family? Not her own—they had abandoned her. Why would she want them at her wedding? Would any of the nuns she knew back home make the journey?

I’m not sure I have any,” she admitted.

Something we’ll deal with later. Now, you’re going to have to be a little more careful when you go out. You must be escorted, either by Prince As’ad or Princess Lina. If neither of them are available, you’ll have a security person with you. You already have one in the car when the girls go to and from school, so that helps. You will not be allowed to be alone with a man who is not attached to the palace. No friends even. Brothers are fine, cousins squeak in.”

That won’t be a problem,” Kayleen told her as she stared down into the garden.

She wanted to marry As’ad, she thought. She wanted to be with him, his wife, the girls’ mother. But like this? Why couldn’t he be a regular man? Even the camel dealer he had joked about on Thanksgiving.

She told herself she was being ungrateful. That her hardships were nothing when compared with those in the world who truly suffered. She should be grateful.

We won’t be making an announcement for a few months,” Fayza continued. “It’s unlikely there will be any media leaks, but it would be best if you didn’t wear your engagement ring outside the palace. Just to keep things quiet.”

Kayleen nodded, but she wasn’t really listening anymore. Instead she stared at the cage in the garden. The one that had held all the doves. Even though the door was open, the space was full again. They had all returned home.

Products of their destiny, she thought. Trapped. Just like her.