“Will it bother you if Denny and I sleep together?”
Kiera and I were fully engaged in our morning routine—sharing a cuddle while we waited for the coffee to finish brewing. Denny was upstairs, sleeping. Kiera had her arms around my neck and was looking up at me with an expression of regret, pain, and curiosity. Her question cut right to the quick. I really wasn’t sure how I felt about them being together. I was certain they had been—Denny had been home for over a month—but I hadn’t seen or heard anything since that one time, so it was easy enough for me to pretend it wasn’t happening. The thought of them being together churned my stomach. It was making me feel ill right now, with her safely in my arms.
Not really wanting to answer her painful question, I smiled and said, “You sleep with him every night.”
My jackass response earned me a poke in the ribs. “You know what I mean,” she whispered, her cheeks turning a delightful shade of pink.
Being blunt, I rephrased her question. She really needed to get comfortable talking about sex, especially given our…complicated relationship. “Will it bother me if you have sex with your boyfriend?”
The rose color on her face deepened as she nodded. I kept my smile plastered to my face, but didn’t say anything else. How could I? What could I possibly tell her? Yes, I love you with all of my heart, so the thought of you being with him…when I can’t…kills me.
Raising her eyebrow, she gave me a gotcha smile as she said, “Just answer the question.”
I laughed that she’d turned my words against me. Looking away, I sighed and decided to be honest. Somewhat. “Yes, yes it will bother me…but I understand.” I looked back at her, my heart in my eyes. “You’re not mine.” But I’m yours…
Her eyes moistened as she stared at me. I wasn’t sure what she was feeling, but it seemed to be difficult for her. She started to pull away from me, and I clutched at her. I didn’t want her to go. “Just a minute…” she whispered.
Recognizing the words I’d used when I’d been too riled up to be near her, I released her. “I’m fine, Kiera.” You don’t need to pull away from me.
She met my eyes and she looked sad. I hated to see her sad. “I need a minute, Kellan.”
That surprised me. She was worked up enough to want to attack me? Because she felt guilty. It hurt that she felt that way, and at the same time, it warmed me. She wanted me.
We prepared our coffees in silence, then leaned against opposite counters as we sipped them. All the while I wondered what the hell I was doing with her. I should end this before Denny got hurt. But then her voice surged through my brain—Stay. Don’t leave me. Please—and I knew I couldn’t let go. She couldn’t release him, I couldn’t release her. We were all fucked.
I begged Kiera to let me walk to her class, and this time she conceded. I had a feeling it was because she still felt guilty over this morning, but I’d take her pity if it meant I got to spend a little more time with her.
Walking with her felt just like old times, and I savored every second. We talked about inconsequential things—her life, her parents—and I held her hand the entire way. It was bliss. After dropping her off, I went home and sat down to work. My phone rang while I was struggling to come up with a lyric that wasn’t sunshine and happiness. The song I was working on was dark, but Kiera filled me with light, and all I felt at the moment was amazing.
“Yeah?” I said, after picking up the phone.
“Hey, Kell, it’s Matt. Just reminding you about tonight.”
I rolled my eyes. “I know. We’re playing up north. Everett, right?”
“Yep. So you need to be here earlier than usual, so we have time to get up there.”
I was used to Matt calling me, reminding me about stuff, but I swear, sometimes he talked to me like I was five. Or Griffin. “Not a problem. I’ll see you in a few hours.” Shaking my head, I added, “Why did you book a show that far north anyway? Aren’t there plenty of places around here?”
Matt let out a small sigh, like he’d already explained this a couple of times today. “I book the shows wherever I can get them. Pete’s is great, but we need to keep expanding our fan base if we’re ever going to get bigger. That might mean traveling from time to time.”
I shrugged. It didn’t really matter to me if we got huge or not. I just wanted to keep doing this for a while. As long as we could, really. The music was what mattered to me, not all the extra crap. “Okay, you’re the boss.”
Matt laughed at that. “Damn straight, I am. Don’t be late.”
He hung up the phone and I shook my head again. “Okay,” I muttered to the empty room. Matt needed to chill out. Maybe Evan and I could find a girl to hook him up with tonight. Matt tended to be on the shyer side and sometimes needed a little help coming out of his shell. Or a shove. Maybe some feminine attention was just what he needed to mellow out.
I spent the remainder of my time alone thinking of what I could do for Kiera, since I wouldn’t get to see her tonight. I came up with espresso, which seemed like the right call. When she saw me in the hallway outside of her class, holding a drink in my hand for her, she squealed like a little girl.
I hated to leave her once we were content and snuggly at the house, but eventually I had to go meet up with the band. Matt would have my head if I wasn’t there on time. With a long sigh, I fingered a loose strand of Kiera’s hair. She was doing homework on the couch while I kept her company. There were books spread out everywhere, and she was scribbling down some notes for a paper she was writing. She looked up at the sound of my exhale. A smile was on her lips as she studied me instead of her textbooks.
She watched my fingers playing with her hair, then returned her eyes to mine. A strange expression passed over her—guilt mixed with sadness. “You’re probably really bored watching me do homework, aren’t you?”
I smiled and the guilt on her face evaporated. “No. I could watch you do this all day.” I frowned. “But I can’t. I have to go meet the guys. We have a show tonight.”
Kiera frowned with me. It made me happy that she did. Maybe she was going to miss me just as much as I was going to miss her? “Oh…okay,” she said.
I wanted to lean in and kiss her, just on the cheek, but I knew that was off-limits, so I simply ran a finger down her skin instead. “I’ll be late, but I’ll see you in the morning.”
Her smile returned as she nodded. “Okay.”
I stared at her a moment, memorizing every beautiful detail about her, then I got up to gather my things and leave. Work beckoned, and I had no choice but to obey. Even though I didn’t want to.
A few hours later, I was helping the guys unload the van at the venue. We were behind the place, in the alley, so that no one attending the show tonight would see us. All fifteen of them; this place was tiny. Matt was talking to the owner of the bar, getting a feel for where to set up, since we’d never been here before. I took his moment of distraction to step over to Griffin, leaning against the side of the van.
“Hey, Griff,” I casually said.
Griffin immediately frowned. “I already told Matt I’d help bring shit in, so no need to get on my case about it.”
I shook my head. “I wasn’t going to. I was just thinking…Matt’s a little high-strung lately, right?”
Griffin turned to me. “Abso-fucking-lutely. Son of a bitch has been pissing me off left and right. He’s got a stick shoved up his ass so far, his eyes are turning brown.”
I blinked at Griffin’s turn of phrase, then smiled and suggested, “Maybe he needs a distraction?”
Griffin gave me a blank stare. “Huh?” I was about to respond when the lights clicked on and he added, “Oh, you mean a chick? Fuck yeah, let’s get him laid.” A slow smile spread over his face and he patted my shoulder. Before I could agree or disagree, he told me, “Don’t worry. I got this.”
I was frowning as he walked away. Putting Griffin in charge of anything was usually a bad idea. Seeing my expression, Evan walked over. “What’s up?”
I jerked my thumb at where Griffin was disappearing around the side of the building. So much for helping us bring shit in. “I think I just made a tactical error. I thought maybe Matt could use some company of the female persuasion, and now Griffin is on a mission to find him a girl.”
Evan looked over at where Griffin had disappeared. He was silent a moment, then said, “You know that’s going to end badly, don’t you?”
I gave him a half smile in answer. Yep. I did. Matt was going to kill me.
Matt was fine throughout the set, no different than he usually was, so I thought maybe Griffin had failed. I should have known better. Matt was gone when Evan and I began tearing down the instruments; Griffin was whistling. That right there should have clued me in to an upcoming problem. I was clueless though, and didn’t think anything of it until Evan and I were wrestling his drum set into the van.
Completely red in the face, Matt came storming out the back door. Evan and I paused as we watched him. It had started to drizzle, and I swear the raindrops around Matt were evaporating in his anger. “Who the hell did that?” he shouted into the alley.
Evan and I exchanged a glance while Griffin sniggered. Great. What the hell did Griffin do now? Setting the drum down on the concrete, I took a tentative step forward. “Did what? What’s wrong?”
Matt clenched his fists, furious. “Hired a hooker for me,” he seethed.
My jaw dropped, and I flashed a look at Griffin. He was full-on laughing now. Pointing a finger at me, he said, “Kell told me to.”
I immediately held my palms up in supplication. “No, I didn’t.”
Matt ignored Griffin and glared at me. “What the hell?”
I shook my head, wondering how I was going to get out of this one. Fucking Griffin. I knew I should have been supervising him better. “All I said was maybe you could use some company…” I shut my mouth. That didn’t sound any better than hiring him a prostitute.
Matt started vibrating. “A whore? That’s what you thought I needed?”
I shook my head again. “No! Griffin took it the wrong way. I just—”
Matt cut me off with a wave of his hand. “I’m done with you fuckers. I’m taking a cab back.”
I gave Matt a look of disbelief. Taking a cab this distance would cost him more than we made tonight. It was stupid. “Look, if you don’t want to ride with Griffin and the instruments, I understand, but you can at least ride back with me.” There really wasn’t enough room for everyone and all our stuff, so I almost always drove my car to gigs.
Matt raised a pale eyebrow. “I said I’m taking a cab.” With that, he turned and headed back into the bar.
“Matt! You’re being ridiculous. It’s not like you slept with her!” I yelled. Pausing, I reconsidered. “Did you sleep with her?” He was gone a long time.
Griffin was practically rolling on the ground in laughter now. I started to go after Matt, but Evan grabbed my arm. “I think I better handle this one,” he told me. Shaking his head at Griffin, he headed into the bar after Matt.
I looked back at Griffin with my brows bunched. “You’re an idiot.”
Griffin wiped tears from his eyes. “Do you think he nailed her?” He started laughing again and I sighed. This was going to be a very long night.
It took Evan two hours to convince Matt to get into my car. Even though I apologized more than a half dozen times, he didn’t say a word to me on the drive home. I’d have to make it up to him somehow. I dropped him off at Evan’s, since he didn’t want to be alone with Griffin, then I made my way home. I was exhausted as I trudged up the stairs, but I paused at Kiera’s door with a stupid smile on my face. I couldn’t wait to see her. And since it was so incredibly late, I’d only have to wait a few hours. One small benefit of staying out almost all night.
My body had other plans though. I woke up much later than I usually did. Guess I was more tired than I thought. That happened on occasion. My body rebelled against my schedule and I’d sleep for twelve hours straight. Fortunately, it wasn’t that bad this time.
Once my mind cleared to alertness, I sat up and started doing some push-ups. That woke me up even better than coffee. I heard the water running while I worked out, and figured Denny was getting ready for work. That probably meant Kiera was downstairs, waiting for me. I paused in a plank position, then sprang to my feet. I wanted to see her more than I wanted to keep my muscles trim.
Quick as a rabbit, I slipped on some pants and a clean shirt. Opening my door, I was just about to start humming to myself when I noticed an odd sound coming from the bathroom. There were banging noises, like someone was moving around in the shower, and under that…there were moans and groans. Someone was having sex in the shower. My stomach twisted into a giant knot while I listened to the unmistakable sound of Kiera in ecstasy. From the way her moans were increasing, I’d say she was well on her way to climaxing. With Denny. He was inside her right now. Pushing into her. Making her cry out with how much she wanted it. Wanted him. She wanted him…
I looked over to their bedroom door, hoping, praying, that Kiera would step through it. That somehow, some way, Denny was screwing a different woman right now. But Kiera didn’t step out of her room, because she was the other woman. No. I was the other man in this situation. And if I was going to keep having any sort of relationship with Kiera, dealing with this was just something I would have to do. I couldn’t freak out on her like before. I had to keep things light, easy. That was the only way I could keep her.
My vision hazed and the knot in my stomach traveled up my throat. I was going to be sick…I just knew it. I headed downstairs as quickly as I could, but I wasn’t quick enough. I tried not to listen, but I clearly heard Kiera’s final cry as she came…with another man.