Chapter 15
Heaven and Hell
The last several days with Kiera had been amazing. It was just like it had been before, but different. Before, we’d flirted, but we’d never acknowledged the flirting. We’d never even talked about it. Now though, there was innuendo in the air, and I was able to hold her, flirt with her, and tease her about it. It changed things, amplified our relationship. There was nothing innocent about our flirting now, but Kiera seemed comfortable with it, so I didn’t point out to her that there was enough sexual tension between us to power a small city. She had to know anyway, she just didn’t want to admit it.
Staring at my ceiling, I replayed the dream I’d just awoken from. Kiera had been in the kitchen, making me a lunch before I went off to work. After handing me the bag, she’d looked deep into my eyes and told me, “I love you so much, Kellan. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
I wanted her to say that to me for real, so badly. Smiling into the darkness, I whispered, “I love you too, Kiera. More than you know.”
It was really early in the morning, and I hadn’t had much sleep anyway, but when I closed my eyes, all I saw was Kiera. Anxious to see her again, I couldn’t get back to sleep. When I finally gave up trying, I headed downstairs and got to work making a pot of coffee. My smile widened as the dark brown liquid began to fill the carafe. Seeing it, smelling it, reminded me of her. It reminded me of making love to her, reminded me of my dream. Such a nice fantasy…I wished it were real.
The pot was nearly to the top when warm arms wrapped around my waist. I inhaled a deep breath, taking her in, then twisted to face her. She gave me a tired but happy smile.
“Mornin’.”
Her smile grew at hearing my greeting. “Good morning.” She pressed her head to my chest and I pulled her into me. Closing my eyes, I savored her—her scent, her softness, her warmth. I wanted to remember everything, just in case this was a dream too.
We didn’t pull apart until we heard the shower running upstairs. With a small sigh, Kiera pulled back. There was a slight mar on her forehead. Guilt. I wished she didn’t feel that way, but I understood why she did. A part of me did too. We were both bastards, playing this game, sneaking around behind Denny’s back, skirting near a line we’d already crossed and shouldn’t cross again. We should both stop what we were doing…but I already knew I couldn’t. I was in too deep.
While I prepared mugs for us, Kiera started making tea for Denny. It was sweet of her, but it was a cruel reminder that my dream was just that—a dream. Watching her stabbed like a knife, so I focused on our drinks instead.
Moments later, Denny came downstairs. I gave him a friendly smile and greeting as I sat at the table with my coffee. Kiera was leaning against the counter, drinking hers. She was keeping her distance from me so Denny wouldn’t be suspicious. She handed him his tea, and he told her, “Thanks, babe,” as he leaned in for a kiss.
The look on her face as she gazed up at him wrenched me, but I couldn’t stop staring. There was love in her eyes for him; there was no question who had her heart. But when he angled his head to playfully nuzzle her neck, her eyes turned to me, and oddly enough, her expression didn’t change. Well, maybe her smile slipped some, and troubled sadness filled her eyes. She looked sorry, but I wasn’t sure if she was feeling that toward me or Denny, or both of us. It was confusing, painful. I gave her a brief Don’t worry about me smile, then concentrated on my coffee.
As Kiera sat down, Denny told her, “I may have to work really late tonight. Max has a job that he needs my help with.” Denny said the word “job” oddly and Kiera frowned, like she was sure the task was something trivial, something beneath Denny’s skills. Stuff like that really irritated her. Seeing her expression, Denny quickly added, “You’ll be working anyway, so I didn’t think you’d mind if I said I’d help him…right?”
Kiera opened her mouth, seeming like she wanted to object, but she had no real reason to. After flashing a glance at me, she murmured, “Right…sounds good.” She seemed guilty again after she said it, and I resisted the urge to hold her hand.
I was all smiles as she slid into my car later. Driving her to and from school was almost my favorite part of the day. I loved seeing her across the seat from me. It felt so right. She smiled as she closed the door, equally happy. As I started the car, I asked her, “Do I get to walk with you today?” She’d made me stay behind the last time I drove her.
She pursed her lips in thought, then shook her head. “No, I think it would be better if you stayed in the car.”
I sighed, but left it at that. She had her reasons, I guess. But I really enjoyed walking with her, and it was innocent, like she wanted. I’d keep trying. I dropped her off with a “Have fun. I’ll see you later,” then headed to the grocery store for supplies.
When I was done shopping, I went home to work for a little bit. There was a song Evan and I were working on that was nearly finished. Evan was busy arranging the music for it, and a couple of the lines I’d had didn’t fit now. His melodies were better than my lyrics though, so I was switching it up to fit his stuff.
I worked at the kitchen table until my vision started going in and out and I started nodding off. Guess three hours of sleep wasn’t enough. Putting away my notebook, I shuffled over to the couch. I had a little time to rest before picking up Kiera. After turning on the TV, I stretched out on the cushions. My lumpy beast wasn’t the most comfortable couch in the world, but it got the job done.
Just as I was starting to fall asleep, the front door opened and surprise washed through me. Kiera was home; she shouldn’t be done with school yet. “Hey, you’re back early. I was going to pick you up,” I said as she walked into the living room.
She stepped over to the couch, and I sat up and patted the space between my legs so she’d sit close to me. “You look tired,” she commented. “Everything okay?” She nestled herself between my legs and leaned her back against my chest. Yes, I’m more than okay. I’m in heaven.
Holding her tight, I played with her hair. “I’m fine…just a late night, didn’t sleep well.”
Turning her head around, she gave me a playful grin. “Oh. Feeling guilty about something?”
I laughed at her remark, and gave her a squeeze. “About you? Every day.”
I sighed. There was too much truth in that statement, and I didn’t want to think about it. Intent on changing our focus, I pushed her forward a little bit. She resisted, saying my name and turning to face me, but I clamped my hands on her shoulders and made her face straight. I needed her back for what I wanted to do.
I kneaded my fingers into her muscles, and she stopped trying to protest. In fact, she melted like warm butter under my hands. “Hmmmm…I could get used to this flirting thing,” she murmured as she relaxed in my embrace. As I laughed at her comment, she asked, “Did you have a bad dream?”
Remembering my dream made me smile as I moved my hands along her shoulder blades. “No…I had a good one, actually.”
“Hmmmm…what about?” Her voice had a slightly distant sound to it, like my fingers were completely distracting her.
I moved my hands down her spine and she made a soft, satisfied noise in her throat. I kept my fingers there while I answered her. “You.” I dug my fingers in deeper and the noise she made intensified.
“Hmmmm…nothing naughty, I hope. We are keeping this innocent, right?”
My fingers moved down to her lower back and she let out a deep exhale full of pleasure. Remembering my sweet, thoughtful dream version of her, I laughed. “No…nothing even remotely scandalous, I promise.”
I started returning my fingers up her back, loosening knots, feeling the rigid muscles turn to Jell-O. Kiera let out a low moan as I worked on a spot holding a lot of tension. “Hmmm…good, I don’t need you thinking about me that way,” she mumbled.
A small pang went through me at the wall between us that was keeping us physically apart, but at least I had this much of her. It would have to do. We didn’t talk any more after that. Kiera seemed too relaxed to keep up a conversation, but I was fine with comfortable silence.
I reveled in the feel of her body under my hands, the smell of her shampoo tickling my nose, the satisfied noises she let out whenever I relieved an ache from her body. As I headed south again, reaching out to get more of her rib cage, she started letting out noises that were darn near indecent. It was captivating to listen to her, and I paused wherever she made a sound. If I closed my eyes, I could pretend that I was making love to her…the sounds coming from her fit perfectly. It made desire rocket through my body. I could feel myself hardening and bit my lip to contain a groan of my own. God, I wanted her.
As her sensual noises continued, my body shifted into readiness. I needed her. When my hands got down to her hips, I shifted my position and pulled her against me. She teasingly just brushed against my jeans. I needed more. I needed to rub against her. I needed to lay her down, pull her clothes off, and thrust inside her. I needed to hear more of her intoxicating sounds. I needed to hear her come.
Thinking I was finished with my massage, Kiera leaned against my chest with a contented sigh. That’s when she seemed to notice that I wasn’t calm and peaceful anymore. I was aching with need and ready for action. I wanted her. That was the only thought in my mind.
I ran my hands up her inner thighs, pulling her into my body, and she spun in my arms. Swallowing back the need coursing through me, I slowly opened my eyes to gaze at her. Her eyes were wide with alarm, and her lips were parted; I wanted to taste them. I could tell by her reaction that she saw the desire on my face. Yes, I want you. I brought my hand to her cheek, and started pulling her into me. I need you.
It looked like it took some effort on her part, but she shook her head. “No…Kellan.”
Hearing that word from her returned a small amount of reason to me. Closing my eyes, I pushed her away. I needed space if I was going to let this pass through me. If I even could. I was so ready for her, my unyielding denims were a little uncomfortable. I focused on the slight pain in my groin instead of the massive amount of pleasure. “I’m sorry. Just give me a minute…”
I felt Kiera move away from me, and I pulled my legs up and locked my elbows around them. I took three calming breaths while I thought about things that were in no way sexy: war, disease…my parents. When I felt more in control—no longer feeling like I needed to throw her on the floor and take her—I opened my eyes. She was intently watching me with a worried expression on her face.
Trying to ease her concern, I smiled. “Sorry…I am trying. But, maybe next time, you could not…uh, make those noises?”
Not realizing she’d been mimicking sex with her groans of pleasure, she blushed bright red and looked away. It was enchanting, and I had to chuckle at her reaction. God, what was I going to do with this woman?
Sometimes I really wasn’t sure, but as long as I could be around her, touch her, feel connected with her, I could handle anything. Even her having sex with another man.