“Then act like you give a damn!”
Katherine chose that moment to walk back into the room, although it might have had something to do with my hysterical screaming.
Jace and Lucy both started to cry. Lucy jumped out of her seat and ran to my side. She wrapped her little arms around my waist and held onto me tightly.
I was too ashamed to look at Blake or Abby. My kids had never seen me behave this way. They had been through enough; I didn’t need to put this on them too.
And yet, I couldn’t stop.
“I do give a damn!” Trevor shot back, just as infuriated as me. “You can’t even imagine how this is killing me! How much of a failure I feel like because I can’t make this one thing work. The one thing I want to work most in the world! You don’t think I know how much Grady loved this company? You’re wrong! I worked with him every day for nearly a decade. I watched him build it from the ground up! I know that the only thing he loved more than that place was you and his kids. So don’t think for a second that I would intentionally run this thing into the ground. But I am not Grady, Liz. I’m not even half the man he was.” Trevor ran a rough hand over his eyes but couldn’t stop his angry, hurt tears from falling.
I felt like the worst person in the world for making him feel that way, for making him admit things I didn’t even think were true.
Katherine collapsed in her seat. Silent tears ran down her face, but she didn’t’ try to wipe them away.
When Trevor spoke again, his voice was broken, a picture of what I knew had happened to his spirit as well. “I want to try, Liz. I want to make this business run as successfully as it did when Grady was alive. But I can barely get myself out of bed in the morning. I know you lost your husband. I know how hard this hit you. But you’ve got to know that I lost my big brother. He was my best friend and now he is gone. I can barely walk into that office without breaking down and losing my goddamn mind. I want to do this right, Liz, but I am just so sad.”
His last words were what finally broke me. I had had enough. I couldn’t take it anymore.
I couldn’t take Grady’s mother looking at me with pity. I felt Katherine’s eyes on me constantly. I felt her waiting for me to break. I could feel her just waiting for me to lose it.
Well, maybe I finally had.
And Trevor was so much worse. He didn’t just look like his older brother, he acted like Grady too. And Trevor was in the middle of his own pain. I could see him suffering. He was a shell of the man he used to be.
I loved Trevor like a brother, but watching him like this made my grief double. I couldn’t hurt for both Trevor and me. I couldn’t hurt for all of us and expect to be able to breathe through this pain.
I pushed back from the table, taking my clinging kids with me. “Trevor, we’re all sad. We all miss Grady. But you’re killing him all over again by killing his company. And the first time is hard enough. I will not grieve him twice. Figure something out or I’m going to sell it.”
His face went white and Katherine jumped to her feet, knocking over a glass of water as she went.
“Liz, you don’t mean that.”
I whirled on her. “I cannot watch that company implode, Katherine. I won’t do it. Grady trusted Trevor, but he didn’t want this.” I turned on my other two children. “Get your shoes on, Guys. It’s time to go.”
“But we haven’t had dessert!” Abby complained.
“Abs, we’ll have something when we get home. Let’s go.”
Katherine looked absolutely distraught. “Liz…”
“I’m sorry, Katherine.” I felt sick to my stomach. I was not a confrontational person, but I hadn’t been able to stay quiet. “I really am. I didn’t mean for that to… Or say… I think it would be better if we left now.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
Trevor dropped his face into his hands and I had to turn away when his shoulders started shaking. I couldn’t watch him cry. I couldn’t watch a grown man breakdown because of me and my stupid words.
But I couldn’t make myself apologize either.
I’d meant them. Every word.
Getting in the car took longer than I wanted it to. The kids were not motivated to leave their nana’s house. Katherine insisted we take the pies back home with us and I didn’t have any energy left to fight her.
She helped me pack the kids into the car and load up some leftovers. We said clinical goodbyes and promised to call each other.
She kissed all the kids and then just as I had climbed into the driver’s seat and she stood in the side door saying her last goodbyes, she said, “Grownups fight sometimes.” I spun around to watch her smooth things over with my shaken children. “That doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. Your mommy and Uncle Trevor love each other very much, but they also loved your daddy. It’s hard for them without him here. You’ll forgive her for yelling at Uncle Trevor, won’t you?” They must have nodded. “I love you all. I’ll see you soon.”
She stepped back and I closed the door before she could say another word.
It wasn’t until we had pulled into the garage at our home that I had finally calmed down enough to offer them the apology they deserved.
I turned the car off and turned around. “I’m sorry I ruined Thanksgiving.”
They all looked at me and let my words settle over them. Jace and Lucy had already moved on, but the older kids would remember this.
Finally, Blake unbuckled and walked over to me. He threw his arms around my neck and said, “Mommy, it was already ruined without dad here.”
Tears started flowing again. He never called me mommy. I looked over his shoulder at Abby and asked, “Forgive me?”
“Is Uncle Trevor really going to ruin daddy’s job?” she asked thoughtfully.
“Not anymore,” I promised her.