“Thank you, Liz. You could fill the water glasses on the table; we’re just about ready to eat.”
And eat we did. Katherine was an excellent cook and she served a spectacular meal. Usually she invited cousins and aunts and uncles to celebrate the holiday as well, but she’d offered to keep it small for this Thanksgiving.
It was the only reason I agreed to come over.
Honestly, the idea of facing all of Grady’s extended family without him by my side sounded like the inner circle of hell. They were overwhelming to begin with, but after Grady’s death the day would consist of nonstop questions about how I was doing or how the kids were doing or how we were managing or how I thought Trevor was handling the business.
I would have dragged Emma along, but she had flown to Florida to spend the holiday with our retired parents. She had been hesitant to go, but I had encouraged her, thinking I would be fine at my in-laws.
Dinner was as chaotic as it always was with four children to serve and maintain, but relatively low key since there were so many adults to help out.
“Should we all say something we’re thankful for?” Katherine’s cheery voice grated on my nerves. I tried to smile at Abby, encouraging her with my expression, but I couldn’t make it believable.
“Do we have to?” Abby groaned. “I’m not thankful for anything.”
“Abigail,” I hissed at her. I could see the pain written all over her face, but the mom in me couldn’t stop from chastising her.
“What are you thankful for, Mom?” Her dry sarcasm could not be missed.
“I’m thankful for you,” I told her honestly. “For how fun and adventurous you are.” That seemed to calm her down, so I moved on. “And I’m thankful for Blake too.” I looked at my oldest son, “Thankful for how helpful you are and for always remembering everything I forget.” He gave me a shy smile and went back to pushing his green bean casserole around.
“What about me?” Lucy shouted.
“I’m thankful for you too, Luce. I’m thankful for all of your hugs and kisses. And I’m thankful for all of the pictures you make for me.” I tussled Jace’s floppy red hair and kissed a cheek painted in mashed potatoes. “I’m thankful for you too, J. I’m thankful that you are sleeping through the night again and that you always know how to make me laugh.”
My mother-in-law dabbed at her eyes with a cloth napkin, “That was beautiful, Liz.”
I shifted in my seat and looked away. It was shockingly unnerving to watch her tear up in the middle of dinner. It also had an intense effect on me. I wanted to cry too just watching her and then to think that it was my words that had made her emotional really choked me up.
Trevor sighed adoringly, “Ah, Ma. You’re making Liz uncomfortable.”
She flashed me a watery smile. Her trembling hand reached forward and rested on the white tablecloth. “I always thought the kids were so lucky to have a father like Grady,” she admitted. “But I’m realizing they’re really lucky to have a mother like you.”
I should have heard the compliment in her words. I really should have. But all I could hear was the disappointment she felt for me up until this point. It had taken her son dying for her to see that I wasn’t such a letdown after all.
I could feel the bad place I’d been trapped in. I could feel how poisonous these feelings were for my mind and soul. This anger that ate at my insides and spread toxin through my blood was dangerous and awful. I wanted it gone, but I couldn’t make it go and that only made me angrier.
“Thank you for saying that,” I managed to say although my words felt cold and false on my tongue.
It wasn’t until Katherine disappeared into the kitchen to bring back the pie that I finally found a moment alone with Trevor. I hated the idea of other people asking the question, but I needed to know. This business was my living too.
“How are things, Trevor? With the company?”
He shrugged his shoulders and shifted in his seat. “Slow with the season.” He wouldn’t look me in the eye. He bounced nervously and reached for some water to gulp it down quickly.
My hand twitched. For the first time in my life, I wanted to stand up and slap someone.
“How bad is it?” My voice had become a low rasp of frustration.
His eyes lifted and he finally met my gaze. “Bad.”
I felt that one small word like a punch to the gut. The room tilted sharply and then started to spin.
“I’m not sure what we’re going to do. Things are bad,” he continued.
I felt my heavy Thanksgiving dinner churn in my stomach. How could he do this to me? How could he take Grady’s gift and destroy it so flippantly?
Didn’t he care?
I had kids to feed! Bills to pay? Didn’t he care about me?
“How are you going to fix it?” My words came out measured and labored, betraying the fury burning through me. I wanted to stand up and scream at him. I felt like I had finally tipped over the edge of insanity with the sheer volume of rage spiraling through me.
In a choked voice, he admitted, “I don’t know if we can.” He ran a hand through his dark hair and turned his head toward Blake.
“How dare you.” My voice scared even me. I hadn’t expected to react so violently, but I couldn’t help it. “How dare you take my husband’s company, his gift to you and run it into the ground.”
Trevor jerked back in his seat, shocked by my accusation. He reached forward with a timid hand, “Liz, wait…”
“He trusted you,” I spat out. “He didn’t die suddenly. He died slowly! He had time to reflect on his company. He could have sold it and made a lot of money, Trevor! But no! Grady wanted to give it to you! He wanted to give you a future. He wanted to give you a job! And you’ve destroyed it! That was his dream. Do you know what that meant to him? Do you know how hard he worked to build his company and make a name for himself?”
“I know what he did, Liz. He was my brother.”