I didn’t know how he did it or even want to consider the amount of work it took to solve this problem. It had to be disgusting dealing with all of those bags filled with moldy leftovers and dirty diapers.
But he had done it for me anyway. What a good guy.
I re-parked the cans in their rightful place against the far garage wall and smiled at them. I would remember next week. I wouldn’t let Ben’s kindness be for nothing.
I helped the kids from the car and made sure we brought in all of the various school bags, lunch bags and soccer bags. But I did it with a lighter spirit.
Dinner was easier too that night. And bedtime didn’t seem quite so chaotic.
By the time I crawled into bed not long after the children, I was still amazed at how Ben’s small act of generosity had impacted my day. Was I really so easy to please?
Dark thoughts followed those good ones.
I settled into my huge, empty bed and let my hand reach over to Grady’s side. It shouldn’t be this hard for me. I should have Grady here to help me.
Tears started falling at the simple mention of his name inside my head.
“Why did you leave me, Grady?” I whispered to the darkness. “I can’t do this without you.” Anger bubbled with the grief and made me feel sick. This was impossible without him. These kids, this house, my life was impossible without his help.
I turned to my side and hugged one of his pillows. I let my tears soak the cotton that no longer smelled like my husband or bore his imprint.
It was nice that Ben had helped me, but what I really wanted was to not need Ben’s help at all. What I really wanted was my husband here with me to help every single day.
Chapter Ten
Emma picked up on the third ring, “Hello, sister dearest.”
“Are you ready?”
I heard her muffled sigh on the other end of the phone. “This is not my first date, Liz. I’m ready.”
I had convinced Emma to give Ben a chance when she helped take the kids trick-or-treating a couple weeks ago. We’d canvased the neighborhood with Blake as the Hulk, Abby as Michael Phelps’s little sister, Lucy as a princess and Jace as a pirate. Emma had filled in for Grady. After we put the kids to bed, we’d spent the night crying together over buckets of Halloween candy while scary movies played in the background.
It hadn’t been one of my finer moments.
But after we stopped by Ben’s house and he passed out full-size Twix bars to all of the kids, Emma had finally agreed to text him about getting together. They had flirted in the doorway while I stared at the candy bars thinking what a bachelor move. Who passes out fifteen grams of sugar to a two year old? Single men in their thirties. That’s who.
The Twix bars never made it to the morning. They were part of my Grady therapy. Somewhere around midnight, I retracted my negative feelings for Ben’s na?ve generosity. And then enacted them again after I got on the scale the next morning.
“I know, I’m just nervous,” I confessed.
“You’re nervous?”
I chuckled at her incredulous tone. “For you! I just want this to go well.”
She laughed with me. “What if Ben’s a total weirdo? Like he has a collection of doll heads or he brings his mom to dinner? You’ll have to come rescue me at the restaurant. Then you’ll have to move away from him.”
Even the mention of moving out of this house hurt my chest. “He won’t bring his mother to dinner. We’ve sort of seen him on a date before, remember?”
“No defense for the dolls’ heads?”
“Well, I’ve never actually been in his house. There’s no way for me to know for sure.”
“Liz!”
“I’m just kidding, Em. He’s so nice. You’re going to have a great time.”
“He’ll at least be nice to look at.” I nodded my head, even though she couldn’t see me. That was true. “What are your exciting plans for the night?” she asked and sounded genuinely interested.
“On a Friday night? What else is there to do besides pop a bag of popcorn for each of us and cuddle up on the couch?”
“Oooh, what’s on the queue?”
“Sword in the Stone. It’s one of the few movies all of the kids can agree on.”
“I love that movie,” Emma sighed. “I kind of wish I was hanging out with you guys tonight.”
“What? No way! You’re going to have so much fun.”
“You’re being pretty pushy about this date.”
I bristled a little at her comment. “I am not.”
“You are.”
“I just want you to be happy.”
“I am happy. I don’t need a man for that.”
“You know what I meant. Why are you fighting this? He’s a good guy! You said it yourself, single and stable.” Emma and I used to argue, before Grady died. Just about little stuff, small tiffs or snotty remarks. Nothing long-lasting. We were sisters; we usually found something to disagree about. But we hadn’t had a single disagreement since Grady had gotten really sick over a year ago. I knew my sister had been walking on eggshells around me and that our relationship wasn’t so evolved that we would never fight again. But tonight, her irritation with me only made me more irritated with her.
“I just think, if this doesn’t end well, it’s going to be awkward for you. I’m trying to protect you,” she insisted.
“I don’t need you to protect me, Emma.” I took a breath and closed my eyes, trying to dispel my frustration. “Listen, if you don’t want to go out with Ben, then don’t. But don’t let your worry for me bother you. Ben and I are barely friends, so there isn’t much to worry about between us. And if things don’t work out between the two of you, there are other options besides keying his car and taking a baseball bat to his windshield.”
She laughed again, sounding infinitely more relaxed. “Yeah? Like what?”
“Like being grownups, for instance. Like acting maturely.”
She sighed for effect, “You just have all the answers, don’t you.”
“I’m older,” I reminded her. “And infinitely wiser.”
“Sure you are. Okay, he’s here. I’ll call you after!”
“Have fun!”
“Love you.”