Chapter
Hope
The next few weeks were all about my sister. We spent my spring break holed up in the apartment, me trying to convince her to see a doctor, her telling me no, throwing up in the bathroom, then crying on her bed for hours.
I’d go sit with her and stroke her hair. I pointed to her Hooters calendar on the wall, told her she was beautiful, and that this was her month to shine. It was April now, and her gorgeous face was proudly featured for the world to see this month. Complaining that she felt bloated and fat already and her tight outfit was getting tighter every day, she’d torn down the calendar and shoved it in her nightstand.
I hoped on a daily basis that her job wouldn’t influence her decision on whether to keep the baby or not. She was kind of top dog at her restaurant, the only girl there that had made the calendar. I wasn’t sure if they’d let her continue to be a waitress once she started showing. I mean, I’d never seen a pregnant girl in an opaque tank top and super-tight boy shorts. But I knew that legally she had rights, and if she ever gave her job as an excuse to terminate the baby, I’d bombard her with a list of them.
I walked on eggshells when I was near her, trying to not freak the stressed woman out. And it didn’t take much to stress her out. I didn’t entirely blame her for that, her situation was scary and daunting, plus she was being flooded with mood-altering hormones on a daily basis, but I did snap at her to back off when she rudely snarked at me that the smell of coffee made her want to hurl, and I needed to stop bringing it into the house.
She cried when I barked my response at her and I instantly felt bad and stopped making coffee in the mornings. I guess I could suffer 387
through a few days of caffeine withdrawal to help her. Especially if it helped to convince her that she could be a mom. And I knew she could.
Under all the carefree playfulness was a woman with a great well of love in her. She may not have found the right man to share it with yet, but I knew it was there.
I even invited her to another one of Jenny’s six week long art courses.
Why I kept signing up with her, I still had no idea. Pity, I guess, since I still felt bad about the whole Boise trip.
Anna grudgingly came with me, sulking and moping the entire time as she sat beside me. Jenny raised an eyebrow at the woman who was generally bubbly and happy, but didn’t ask about it. Maybe she figured Griffin had been an ass to her. And…he definitely had, he just wasn’t aware of it yet.
Nobody was. Anna still wouldn’t let me tell anyone, not even Denny, and he’d noticed her mood right away. Probably because he’d come over to pick me up for a movie and Anna hadn’t given him a dirty look. She’d barely even glanced at him as she’d muttered, “Have a good time. One of us should…”
She was always saying things like that, like she’d just received word that she had a fatal disease and only had nine months to live. I told her repeatedly that she had a great support system and she could still have a life after a child, but I was pretty sure she didn’t believe me. She was still pregnant, though, seven weeks according to an online due date calendar.
I kept my fingers crossed that I’d be holding my niece or nephew by the end of November.
Looking a little green, Anna watched the teacher explain the object of today’s lesson. Anna groaned loudly, when she saw what is was. Today we were drawing people, and not just any people…today we were drawing children.
Rolling my eyes, I cursed fate and wished today had been an abstract day. Anna seemed to agree with me and partially stood from her stool, like she was going to leave.
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Her perfect pony tail swishing along her back, Kate tilted her head and asked Anna, “You alright? You look like you’re going to be ill.” Anna’s eyes widened, but she sat and picked up her pencil. As two cute-as-a-button ten-year-old kids sat down to be our models for the afternoon, Anna sighed and muttered, “I’m fine.” I took a second to at least thank fate for not having our model be a sleeping infant. I think that would have driven poor Anna over the edge.
Jenny was already busy working on her project when the rest of us finally started. I sighed, watching her flawlessly draw out the basic shape of a human head. Mine looked like Mr. Potato-Head. I still couldn’t quite get the hang of realism…and this was my umpteenth class.
Jenny smiled over at me when I sighed morosely. “You’ll get there, Kiera,” she said warmly, any trace of a fight lingering between us gone.
Jenny didn’t hold grudges for long, which was a good thing. Plus, she’d gone to see Evan while I’d been on break. She’d called to ask me to go to Texas with her and Rachel, but I’d had to stay with Anna, to make sure she didn’t do anything stupid while I was gone, and Anna did not want to see Griffin yet. Hating that I was missing out on spending a week with Kellan, I’d told Jenny that I couldn’t go. I don’t think Jenny understood why, but any resentment she’d had towards me had faded when she got back.
Sighing again, I erased part of the line I’d just drawn. “I don’t know why I keep coming to these classes with you. I’ll never be good at this.” Jenny laughed a little and I joined in with her. “I guess I’m trying to be well-rounded.”
Giggling, Jenny pointed at my misshapen person. “Well, I think you need the practice, cuz that looks oblong to me.” I smacked her on the shoulder, then watched, amazed, as she went back to her incredibly lifelike drawing. I was horrid at this, and Kate was okay, but Jenny…she was amazing.
By the end of the class, I had something that could possibly pass for a mammal. That beat my sister, though…she had a stick figure. Kate’s was 389
good, a little un-proportional, but good. Jenny’s took my breath away.
She’d decided to not draw the offered models. Well, maybe she had drawn them, but she’d chosen to draw them as babies.
I wasn’t sure if Jenny was just having an, I love my man and I want to have his kids someday moment, or if she’d maybe subconsciously picked up on something, but the infants she’d turned the models into were perfect. Almost real.
“Wow, Jenny…wow.” It was all I could think to say.
A scraping noise on the other side of me brought my attention back around to Anna. She’d scooted her chair away from her easel and was staring at Jenny’s picture with her jaw dropped. One hand was resting on her stomach as her eyes slowly glassed over.
I put my hand on her thigh right as Jenny asked, “You okay, Anna?” My sister nodded, not looking up at the artist. “Yeah, that’s just…really good, Jenny.”
The perky blonde beamed at Anna’s awed face. “Thanks! I’m glad you like it so much. Do you want it?”
Anna finally glanced up at her, her eyes getting thicker by the second.
“You’d give it to me?”
Jenny shrugged, tearing it off the paper stand. “Yeah, I was just goof-ing around.” Rolling it up, she handed it to Anna. “Here, since it moves you so much, you should have it.”
Anna took it with trembling fingers. I thought she might break down into a sobbing, hysterical, hormonal mess, but swallowing a few times, she managed to wrangle in her mood and smile at Jenny. “Thank you, I really like it.”
Leaning close to my sister, I quietly asked her if she was okay.
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She nodded. “Yeah.” Looking me in the eyes, she jerked her thumb over her shoulder. “I’m not feeling so hot. I think I’m going to go home and crash.”
I nodded at her and patted her shoulder. As she left, Kate bunched her brows together, her topaz eyes seeming a little confused. “Is your sister…alright?”
Thinking about the look on her face as she’d stared at Jenny’s infants, I smiled. “Yeah, yeah I think she’ll be just fine.” Since the lot of us didn’t have anything to do until work later tonight, we headed over to one of my favorite coffee spots. Since Anna had banned the substance from our home, I’d started going out to get it. It was a heck of a lot more expensive, but I was a fulltime student with a fulltime job. Smart or not, I needed all the help I could get.
Kate, Jenny and I sat in a booth in the back, since we planned on hanging out here for a while. Rachel joined our group after Jenny texted her, and the party of four quickly turned into a gossip session about boys. Kate especially stroked the conversation, wanting to hear all about our loves, since she still didn’t have one.
Biting my lip, I thought about mine. I thought about Kellan and the thing he was hiding from me. He’d almost told me a couple of times, and that last time, the time before our intimate session over the phone, he’d been choked up over how to do it.
His words flew through my brain as Rachel quietly admitted that Matt was an excellent kisser.
God, this is hard…
Kellan’s words mixed with Denny’s warning in my brain and ice formed in my stomach.
If you think he’s cheating on you, Kiera…then he probably is…
Finally getting a chance to think about it, now that the stress with my sister was on a back burner for a moment, I considered all of the 391
conversations with Kellan recently. While always sounding glad to talk to me, and always eager to try and turn me on, he also seemed…worn, tired, like he was carrying a weight with him.
I didn’t know what that meant, but my heart told me it wasn’t good.
My heart told me he’d fallen for someone else, and he didn’t know how to tell me. I understood how it could happen…it had happened to me after all, but it killed me that he was stringing me along, biding his time to rip my heart out. Like Denny must have thought at some point, it would just be better if he told me…better to know, than constantly wonder.
Feeling a well of despair start to creep up on me, I stared at my creamy coffee and ignored the conversations flowing around me. A chin on my shoulder brought me back to the present. Tilting her head at me, Jenny asked, “You alright? You sort of look like your sister did earlier.” I glanced at Rachel and Kate, the pair deep in a conversation about who Kate could start seeing. Looking back at Jenny, I worried my lip and considered what I should say to her. She’d just seen the guys. Had she noticed anything? Had Evan said anything?
Curiosity burning holes in my stomach, I finally asked, “When you were out visiting the boys…how was Kellan?” Jenny blinked, not expecting my question. “Uh, fine, I guess. Why?” Looking back down, I shrugged. “I don’t know. I just feel like he…wants to tell me something…”
“Maybe you’re just deferring your own guilt?” I looked back at her after her comment and she raised a pale eyebrow.
“You know, because you haven’t told him about Denny being in town…right?” Shaking her head, she added, “I’m guessing that he knows nothing about how much time the two of you spend together.” I sighed, shaking my head. “No, I haven’t told him yet, but I will, I just…” My eyes watered on me and Jenny’s disapproving scowl faded.
“I need to know what he’s hiding first,” I whispered.
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