Jenny’s face softened as she put an arm around me. “Hey, it’s okay, Kiera. I mean, I didn’t notice anything suspicious, and Evan would have told me if Kellan was…doing anything wrong.” I swallowed, secretively wiping my eyes. Glancing at the pair across from us, still deep in their own conversation, I muttered, “Kellan’s good at hiding things if he needs to…Evan had no idea about the two of us, remember?”
Sighing, Jenny pulled me into her shoulder. “Yeah, but Kellan is so in love with you…he wouldn’t cheat on you.” She whispered it, but I felt like it crashed around the room.
I cringed, swallowing back more tears. I really didn’t want to break down in front of Kate and Rachel. I didn’t want to discuss this with a table of people. Really, I wanted to push it back to the far corner of my brain where I never thought about it…that would be wonderful.
Trying to cheer me up, Jenny spunkily said, “Besides, I only ever saw him on his phone, talking to you. Would he talk to you so much if he were cheating on you?”
All of the color drained from my face. “He was on the phone? A lot?” Bunching her brows, she nodded. “Yeah…with you…right?” I slowly shook my head. My sister had been such a mess the week that Jenny and Rachel were gone, that I’d barely had time to answer my phone, let alone talk to Kellan. In fact, the only times I had talked to him were really late at night, after Anna had finally passed out from exhaustion. Jenny would have surely been asleep as well during those conversations, so whoever she’d seen him talking to…it hadn’t been me.
Clutching her arm, I leaned forward intently. “What was he saying on the phone? Did he sound…happy, in love?”
My voice broke on the word and Jenny’s pale eyes glassed over. Shaking her head, she murmured, “I thought he was talking to you…” 393
Near hysterics in my voice, I tugged on her arm. “What did he say?” She swallowed, shaking her head. “I don’t…I wasn’t paying attention, but…he…” She swallowed again, her eyes nearly to the brim now with sympathetic tears. “He was laughing…he seemed…happy.” Feeling like I was going to start hyperventilating, I stood up. Jenny started to stand with me, but I held my hand up. “I just…need a minute.”
I quickly dashed to the bathroom, hoping Jenny and the others would let me fall apart alone. She’d practically confirmed my greatest fear. Kellan was involved with someone else, someone who made him laugh.
And I bet she was gorgeous, too…
My hand was over my mouth and I was holding in the sobs as I sank against the cool, tile wall. Letting myself slide down it, I sat on the floor and dropped my head into my hands. How could he do this to me? Was it payback, for all the times I’d hurt him? Was it the universe getting even with me, for being so awful to Denny? Or was Kellan really just the sex addict that Candy had made him out to be, and this was an inevitability?
Maybe Kellan had found that going months without physically being with a woman was impossible, and he’d caved. It happened all the time, so I don’t know why it surprised me. Maybe because I’d expected more from Kellan. Maybe I’d expected too much.
Sobbing uncontrollably now, I let every doubt in my body leech out through my tears.
“Kiera? You okay?”
I glanced up to see a blonde in the doorway staring down at me. It wasn’t the blonde I’d been expecting, though. It wasn’t Jenny…it was my friend from school, Cheyenne. Wiping my eyes, I quickly muttered, “It’s nothing,” and started to stand.
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She came up to me and helped me up. “You sure? You look devastated.” Her eyes widened. “Did something bad happen? Is everything okay?”
Feeling a little strange, since Cheyenne and I mainly had an academic relationship, I shrugged and again said, “It’s nothing, I’m fine.” Squaring my shoulders, she looked me in the eye. “It’s not fine and you’re not okay.” Softening her face, she said, “I know we haven’t known each other all that long, Kiera, but you can talk to me.” Smiling at her gesture, eased by the warmth in her mild accent, I leaned back into the wall and swiped my eyes dry. “It’s just…Kellan. I think he’s seeing someone else.” My gut felt torn in half, just admitting it to someone.
Cheyenne’s arms immediately wrapped around me. “Oh God, Kiera, I’m so sorry.” She pulled back to look at me, her face warm and open. “I know you really liked him, are you sure?”
I shrugged, sighing. “No, I’m not sure of anything right now…except men suck.” I sniffled and smiled a bit, but Cheyenne twisted her lip at me.
Stepping back, she threaded her fingers through her hair. She almost seemed nervous and I cocked an eyebrow at her. Swallowing, she looked around the empty bathroom. “Okay, I know I’m going to sound like an idiot, but, I think you’re really great and smart and funny, and I know you like guys, but I was wondering if…”
My eyes widened as I listened to her. Was she saying she…dug me?
Was I not so far off in thinking that she liked me? Wondering how to let someone down easy, since I had zero experience in that, I took a step forward. “Oh, um, Cheyenne, I think you’re great, too, and I like you—” She visibly brightened and I stammered for a way to change what I’d been about to say. “No, I mean I like you, like you…not…like you, like you…like you…”
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Yeah, even I was lost by my explanation, but Cheyenne didn’t seem to care anymore. I’d said I liked her, and that seemed to be enough. Smiling ear-to-ear, she exclaimed, “Oh, I like you too!” Then she grabbed my face.
I didn’t even know how to react. There is just no course on what to do or say in this situation, at least, none I’d ever taken…but maybe I should.
She brought her lips down to mine, pressing us firmly together before softly moving against me. I had just enough time to think, huh, that’s different, before I pushed her shoulders back. Her eyes were wide as she stared at me. I thought she looked mortified at herself, and I couldn’t help but feel bad for her. Being rejected was no easy thing.
Stammering, she stepped back from me. “Sorry, oh God, I’m sorry. I thought you…I’m sorry.”
Sighing that I was misleading to even my own sex, I shook my head.
“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you think…” Exhaling, I switched to blunt honesty. “I’m not attracted to girls, Cheyenne. No offense or anything, but I like men…even philandering ones.” I sighed sadly as she flushed bright red. “Of course, I knew that…I really did. You have a boyfriend and you love him. I was just…caught up in the moment, and I’ve really liked you for a while and…” She closed her eyes and dropped her head back. “God, I’m an idiot.” Chuckling at how similar to me she actually was, I shook my head.
“No, you’re not, and it’s fine, Cheyenne…really.” Groaning, she looked back down at me. “So, do you never want to see me again?”
I blinked, tilting my head. “Why would you think that?” She flung her hands at where our moment had just happened.
“Because I totally took advantage of you.” She gave me a sad smile.
“Because I like you.”
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I looked down, shaking my head again. “Of course, I still want to see you,” I looked up, “as a friend and schoolmate, but that’s all we’ll ever be…I’m sorry.”
Her eyes watered but she smiled. “I know. I’ve always known it wouldn’t happen. I guess I just…hoped.”
I nodded at her, not knowing what else to say. Maybe having had enough embarrassment for one day, she grabbed the door handle. “Well, I should go.” She pulled open the door, then raised an eyebrow at me.
“We’re still studying next week…right?”
Containing a sigh, I smiled. “Sure, yeah.” I knew from now on I’d have to be more careful around the girl. I didn’t want to hurt her in any way.
But, you can’t help who you fall for. I knew that from experience.
As she walked away, I considered one good thing from the en-counter—she’d stunned me out of my moment of agony, that was for sure. And I could now cross “being kissed by a girl” off my bucket list.
I was still stunned when I got home after my shift at the bar. I hadn’t mentioned the kiss to the girls at the table, and really, when I’d returned all they’d cared to know about was why I’d left. Jenny hadn’t told them about our conversation and I thanked her for that later.
I was wondering if Cheyenne was going to be a problem at school now, a new one to replace Candy, since her path had finally deviated from mine. In fact, last I heard, Candy had went and gotten herself pregnant. Seemed to be going around these days.
That thought that was reaffirmed to me when I opened my bedroom door and found a pregnant girl sitting on my bed. Surprised that Anna was still up at this hour, when she’d started going to bed pretty early lately, I sat beside her.
Face sad but serene, she looked over at me. “I’ve decided.”
“And?” I held my breath, waiting for her answer.
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She looked over my face for long seconds that felt like years. Lifting one corner of her lip, she finally said, “I don’t know if I’m going to keep this baby or not…but I won’t kill it.” She shrugged, looking down at her hands in her lap. “I can’t,” she whispered, her palm moving to rest on her abdomen.
My eyes watering, I threw my arms around her. “I’m so glad, Anna.” She nodded as she held me back, and I stroked her hair soothingly, like mom used to do when we were little and frightened. “It will be okay, Anna. I’m here. I’ll help you with everything.” She smiled at me when we pulled apart. “I made an appointment with the doctor for next week. Could you go with me?” Nodding, I pulled her in tight again. “Of course, or course I’ll go with you.” Pulling back again, I raised my eyebrows. “Can I tell people? Kellan? Jenny?”
Anna immediately shook her head. “No, not yet.” I frowned at her and she sighed, slumping. “Look, I don’t know if I want to raise a baby, Kiera, and I don’t want a million people giving me their opinion right now.” She looked up at me, her bright jade eyes determined. “I want this to be my choice, and I want to make it, before the world condemns me for it.”
Sighing, I stroked her hair. “Yeah, okay…I won’t say anything.” She was silent a moment and I added, “Don’t you think Griffin should know? Shouldn’t he have a say?”
She stared at her hands, not able to look at me. “I know you won’t approve of this, Kiera, but if I decide to give it up for adoption…” she looked back up at me, “Griffin will never know that he was the father.
I’ll never admit to it, and I’ll deny it if anyone says otherwise.” Seeing the firm decision already in her eyes, I shook my head. “Why, Anna? Why wouldn’t you want him to know?”
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