into each other as best we could. Lying so close on the pillow that our noses touched, we smiled at each other.
He gave me a soft kiss as he reached a hand back to thread it through my hair. My heart increased a little as the intimacy of the moment surged through me. I found his lips in the near-dark, wanting to just kiss him for a while.
Light and languid, our lips moved together like we’d never been apart. Pulling back for a second, Kellan whispered, “I’ve missed this…I’ve missed you.”
I leaned back, studying his face in the soft light. “I’ve missed you too…so much.”
Just as my heart was swelling, staring at him as he stared at me, a voice above us said, “Less talking…more screwing.” A chuckle went around the room and I flushed, remembering that we weren’t as alone as we seemed. Kellan thumped the ceiling of his bed with his fist. “Shut it, Mark.”
I buried my head in Kellan’s chest and he chuckled, rubbing my back.
In my ear, he whispered, “I could finish what I started earlier…if you want to—”
His hand slinked down to my hip, rubbing over the back pocket and a part of me instantly did want him to finish. I knew I’d never be quiet enough though, not with how close we all were packed together, and I really didn’t need to be embarrassed around every band member on this tour.
Biting my lip, I sighed and reluctantly shook my head. Kellan smiled, his hand coming back up to brush my face. “Another time then?” I nodded and pulled his head down to me, so we could at least kiss a little bit.
I couldn’t remember where I was when I woke up. I wasn’t even really sure if I was awake at all. As Kellan’s arms were wrapped around me, 355
my head resting on his chest, I felt like I was still dreaming. It wasn’t an absurd thought—I often dreamt of Kellan. Running my hand over his pecs, I wondered when I’d wake up. Probably when I got to the good part, that’s when it always happened.
Sighing, I kissed his chest, wishing that, for once, this dream would let us finish. Exhaling contently, his arms squeezed me tighter. “Mornin’,” he breathed into my hair.
It sent a shiver down my back and I smiled. Peeking up at him, I whispered, “Am I dreaming, or am I really waking up with you?” He smiled down on me, adjusting himself so he could see me better.
“You dream about waking up with me?”
I nodded, propping myself up to look over his body under the thin blanket. I frowned slightly. “You’re usually naked in my dreams, though, so I must be awake.”
Quietly laughing, he pulled me back to his chest. “You’re usually naked in my dreams, too,” he murmured, kissing my neck.
A thrill went through me, but it was halted by the snoring, coughing, and the occasional…unseemly noises going on around us. Kellan frowned. “Sorry, smelly bus of boys…not exactly romantic.” I sighed and stroked his face. “It’s better than nothing.” His hand clenched over mine as we settled onto his pillows, facing each other. Remembering the many ups and downs yesterday, I rubbed my thumb over his. “Hey, you mentioned that you wanted to tell me something last night…what was it?” I whispered, not sure if I was ready to hear it.
Kellan looked down, then back up. “I…” He looked past me, at where his phone was tucked in his cubby. “I…” Frowning slightly, he searched my face for a moment, then smiling, he shrugged. “I didn’t tell you the bad part about getting signed.”
I blinked, not expecting the conversation to go that way, and also having a horrid feeling that he’d just smoothly changed the subject. “What?” I whispered, lead forming in my stomach.
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Looking down, he shook his head. “As soon as the tour ends in May, they want us in L.A., to record the album.” He looked back up at me, his face apologetic. “In the meantime, the guys and I will be spending every free moment we have going through our songs, picking out the best ones…perfecting them.” He shrugged. “We have to be ready when we get there…”
I sighed, my heart cracking a little. “You’re basically telling me that you won’t have any time to spend with me…for a while…aren’t you?” He swallowed, shaking his head. “I’m sorry…we need to do this, so I won’t be able to visit, like I’d hoped. I’m sorry.” Now I swallowed. “It’s okay…I understand.” I looked down as I considered all of the moments together that we’d already missed, that we were going to miss…our first Valentine’s Day as a couple had already gone by, the flowers he’d sent me long wilted. Our anniversary was fast approaching, in a couple of weeks, mid-March. Kellan’s birthday was in April, mine was in May. My graduation…
My eyes snapped up to his, watery. “Could you make it back in June?” He nodded, cupping my cheek. “I’m not missing your graduation…no matter what. I don’t care if I have to walk out on a recording session…I’m not missing it, Kiera.”
I smiled and sighed, knowing that I’d at least get to see him then…three months from now. And after that…I supposed they’d be touring again, to promote the album. As a little bit of sadness washed over me, he held me close and rubbed my back. So quietly that I almost didn’t hear him, he whispered, “And there was something you wanted to tell me?”
I stiffened, not wanting to say it. He’d never go to L.A. if he knew that Denny was back in my life. He’d flip out if he realized that Denny was the friend that I was having lunch with, quite frequently. But really, I didn’t want to tell Kellan about it…because I knew, with everything in me, that he’d lied about what he’d wanted to tell me. I was sure that the bit about not coming home was true, and it probably was something that 357
he’d wanted to mention, but I was also sure that it hadn’t been on his mind last night. I was sure it had nothing to do with whoever was calling him.
I bit my lip, not sure what to tell him. Propping myself up to look at him, I shook my head. “I love you, Kellan, and you’ve got nothing to worry about when it comes to me, but I don’t think I can tell you just yet.”
Frowning, he sat up on his elbows. “What? Why not?” Guilt sweeping over me, I shook my head. “You’re just going to have to believe in me.”
His mouth dropped open a little and he glanced at his phone really quick. His mouth closed and I knew that he understood. He knew that I was aware that he hadn’t really told me anything. That what he’d briefly wanted to tell me last night, and what he’d ended up telling me this morning, were two entirely different things. My eyes watered as I waited for him to open up, to tell me the truth. His eyes glossier, he only stared at me.
Swallowing, he nodded. “Okay,” he whispered, and it broke my heart.
Kellan and I cuddled a lot and kissed a lot, but we didn’t talk a lot after that. I felt a gap between us, and I hated leaving him with a wedge there, scared that it would only be driven deeper if we were apart. But he wasn’t opening up to me, and I couldn’t open up to him. There was no way around it but for one of us to cave, and I knew that neither of us would…not in the short time we had.
Sometime after I’d fallen asleep last night, Kellan had arranged a flight for Anna and me. When the bus finally arrived at its destination, Kellan arranged for a car to pick us all up later in the afternoon, just so we could spend as much time together as possible. Surprisingly, when it was time to go, Griffin came out to the airport to see us off. I wanted to take that as a good sign, but really, Griffin could’ve just wanted to get away for a moment.
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Saying goodbye in the drop-off area, I searched Kellan’s face, silently begging him to talk to me, and equally terrified that he would. Cupping my face, he kissed each cheek, then rested his head against mine. “Don’t be mad about the flight,” he murmured.
I gave him a sullen expression as I glanced at the departure board behind him. He’d booked us tickets straight back to Seattle, making my roundtrip ticket from Boise pretty much worthless. Shrugging at my expression, he smiled. “You have to work tonight. You don’t want to have to mess around with a layover.”
I sighed, knowing he was right. Shaking my head, I kissed him. “I know…thank you.”
Kissing me back, he muttered, “Worth every penny.” Pulling back from him, ignoring Anna and Griffin molesting each other beside us, I tilted my head. “Kellan…?”
He raised his eyebrows, looking a little nervous and very reluctant.
“Yeah?”
I almost put my hand out and asked for his phone. I wanted to. Especially when it had chirped this morning as we were eating breakfast.
He’d ignored it, like he always did, and it drove me crazy, like it always did. But prying through his phone was not the girlfriend that I wanted to be. I’d asked him to believe in me, I’d have to do the same.
Exhaling slowly as I shook my head, I whispered, “I’ll miss you.” He smiled, looking relieved. “I’ll miss you too. I’ll call you tonight, okay?”
I nodded, giving him a final kiss before heading to the gate. Kellan waved as I walked down the hall, dragging my sister with me. Twisting around as the boys disappeared, Anna giggled and leaned into my side.
“See, Kiera, I told you that would be a blast!” I contained the frustrated sigh I wanted to make. It had been many things, some good, some bad, but none of it was what I’d refer to as a 359
blast. Well, maybe the concert part…that had been a lot of fun. And holding Kellan, kissing him, falling asleep with him, smelling his scent again…that had been fun too.
Smiling up at her, I nodded. “Yeah, you were right. It was…a blast, Anna.”
She giggled almost the entire way home.
I was a little melancholy after my adventure with Anna to Boise, thinking about how long Kellan was going to be gone, wondering just what he was keeping from me, wondering how to tell him what I was keeping from him.
Denny, still attentive, even though he had no reason to be, noticed.
Sipping on a green beer, green in honor of today’s Irish holiday, St.
Patrick’s Day, Denny watched me during my shift, concern clear in his warm eyes. It had been two weeks since I’d left Kellan’s side, two weeks without any clear answer from him on what he was doing. And Kellan hadn’t asked again about what I was doing either. He understood that if I was going to open my door for him, he’d have to open his door for me.
And he didn’t seem to want to do that.
Sighing as I cleaned off an already-clean table, I felt Denny step up behind me. Looking back at him, dressed in his very debonair work clothes, I watched him look up to where Poetic Bliss was performing on the D-Bag’s stage. “It’s strange, isn’t it? Having someone else play up there?”
I smiled and glanced up to the stage, watching Tuesday jam out a solo on her guitar. Tuesday…ridiculous name. “Yeah, it’s definitely…odd.”
“You alright, Kiera? You’ve seemed down since your trip. Something happen in Boise?” Denny looked back at me and raised his eyebrows, holding my gaze.
I bit my lip and looked down at the table. No one else had asked me about my mood. No one else had even noticed, not even Jenny. Of course, she’d missed the impromptu trip and had been a little sullen 360
about the whole thing. It had surprised me a little, since Jenny was so easygoing about everything, but she missed Evan as much as I missed Kellan, so I understood her being a little snippy…even though I apologized for not inviting her every chance that I got.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “Maybe…”
I looked back up at him, at his bunched brows and the honest concern in his features. “You want to talk about it?” he asked softly, just over the volume of the music.
Knowing I really didn’t have anyone else at the moment to talk about it with, I nodded. “Want to come over after my shift?” Denny smiled softly and nodded. “Sure. I’ll meet you over there. I’m sure everything will be fine, Kiera.” He patted my shoulder before turning and walking away.
I smiled at him, amazed by him, and watched as he twisted to go chat with Sam, leaning against the far wall. I’ve thought it before and I’ll probably think it again, Abby is a very lucky lady.
Anna was surprisingly already in bed when I got home, so I was quiet as I put on some water for tea. I didn’t generally like the stuff, but if I could put a good dose of honey and a lot of milk in it, it wasn’t so bad.
But Denny loved it like I loved coffee, so I did it for him.
About ten minutes later, a small knock signaled my ex’s arrival. Smiling at his timing, I unlocked the door and I let him in. He gave me a brief, friendly hug, which I returned. Smelling the tea, he walked over to the small kitchen with a goofy grin on his face. “I was just having a craving.” He leaned over the cup, inhaling the Earl Grey. “And my favorite, too.” He faked a surprised expression. “How did you know?” I shook my head at him, enjoying the way his accent formed phrases, tweaked syllables, made any plain word interesting. “You’re such a dork,” I muttered, laughing a little.
Straightening, he grabbed the cup that wasn’t half milk. “That’s why you love me,” he said, starting to drink from it. Realizing what he’d said, 361