The Holders

16



The first thing I was aware of was the comforting smell of herbs: anise, chamomile, and coriander, along with several others I didn’t recognize. I wasn’t sure where I was, but I could tell I was lying down and no longer on the floor. The lack of echo meant I was in a much smaller room than the one I could last remember being in, and the shuffling of feet told me there was at least one other person there. A pot was boiling somewhere behind me, and every few minutes I felt the pressure of cool hands checking the temperature of my forehead and cheeks. I lifted my hundred-pound eyelids to find Chloe sitting next to me, anxiously fussing with the edge of the blanket that was pulled up under my chin.

“Oh!” she jumped when she noticed I was looking at her. “Oh, Min! Min, she’s awake!”

“Yes, yes, I see,” Min said, coming into view, shooing Chloe out of the chair so she could sit. “Well now,” she smiled down at me. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m not sure,” I croaked over a dry throat. “OK, I guess.”

“Here,” Min said, holding something brown to my lips. “Eat this.”

“What is it?” I asked, eyeing it.

“It will help.”

That wasn’t exactly an answer, but I let her put the small disk into my mouth anyway, figuring she was only asking to be polite and that I probably didn’t have a choice in the matter. Thankfully, it was good, though a bit strange; like caramel, only crumblier.

As I chewed I glanced around trying to get my bearings, realizing that I had been moved to what looked like an office. There were shelves on several walls, some covered with books, while others held hundreds of glass jars and bottles. There was a small fire going in the fireplace immediately opposite the door, with several bunches of different branches and flowers hanging upside-down from the mantle, drying. The remaining walls were hung with scarves that looked as though at one time they had been vibrant and colorful but had since faded with age. Even the couch I was lying on had originally been green with little embroidered flowers, but the fabric was so worn in some places that it had turned a dingy beige and you could almost see through it to the stuffing underneath.

As I looked at the threadbare upholstery cloth it occurred to me how well I was actually able to see it; each thread and weave pattern was crisp and clear. Then I realized that all my senses were turned up a notch. Not only could I hear the pot boiling on the stove, but also the faint tapping of the seeds or berries that were being boiled as they bounced along the bottom. I could smell the potpourri of all the spices and herbs on the shelves, but could also pick each out individually, noting their small distinctions even if I didn’t know what they were called. The whole world was brighter and more focused. Not to an alarming degree, but certainly enough for me to take notice. Like cleaning a window you didn’t realize was dirty, and being amazed by the difference.

“Your saol is looking much better,” Min told me, calling me out of my internal marveling. “Your strength should be back in full by tomorrow.”

“What happened to me?”

“You activated the Iris!” Chloe said with something between excitement and concern. “But it drained your life energy.”

“But…” I closed my eyes for a second, trying to force my sluggish brain to work. “Why would it do that?”

“It appears to be your vulnerability,” Min said. “Do you know what that means?”

“Um… I guess. Alex mentioned something about weaknesses, and how every Holder has one, and that your Sciath protects you.”

“Exactly. Though luckily it seems that your weakness is tied specifically to the Iris.”

“Wait, what? I don’t understand.”

“A Holder’s vulnerability is usually revealed the moment they remove their Sciath. For instance, if I do not have mine on, I lose the ability to cast charms. Were Jocelyn to remove his, he would immediately lose control over his mind-reading and be forced to hear the thoughts of everyone nearby. But you need to be in possession of the Iris for your weakness to affect you. It’s very interesting,” she added, almost to herself.

“No, not that,” I said, shaking my head, wondering if I was in some weird dream. “What I meant was, I don’t understand why you are telling me all this. I know about weaknesses and Sciaths and all that, but what does that have to do with me? That’s all Holder stuff. I’m not a Holder.”

“But you are,” Chloe beamed, kneeling down next to me, her excitement growing. “You activated the Iris, or the Iris activated you I suppose, but either way it worked! Everyone thought it was Ryland, but it’s been you all the time! You’re the one the Order’s been waiting for!”

I stared blankly up at her, growing more confused by the second. They thought I was the one they needed? “No!” I shook my head as if to clear it. “No, that can’t be…” A small part of my mind remembered coming to that same conclusion just before blacking out, but honestly I’d been hoping that part had been a dream.

It had to be a dream, didn’t it? It was Ryland. He was the one they wanted. I’d spent weeks worrying about him – worrying about all this power that he supposedly held, worrying about his safety and the man who was after him, worrying about his future and everything that was expected of him – only to now find out that it was me?

But then, that would mean… Ryland was safe. That he was normal. (Well, relatively normal, anyway.)

No one wanted to kill him.

No one wanted his ability for their own.

No one was depending on him to save the world.

He was safe.

Safe – because they all wanted me.

I should have been happy at the prospect of taking his place in all this, and there was a large part of me that was truly relieved. For the moment however, that part was easily overwhelmed by the dry lump of terror swelling in the back of my throat.

“I can’t,” I whispered, beginning to shake. “I don’t know how… I… can’t…” The air started to rush faster and faster in and out of my mouth, as my mind spun around itself, trying desperately to find something solid to hold on to.

“Shush, now, off with you!” Min scolded Chloe, chasing her up off the floor and away from the couch. “Look now, you’ve upset her!”

“I’m sorry,” Chloe repented, biting her lip.

“Keep your giddy prattling to yourself, or I’ll send you off! She needs rest, not you yammering away, scaring the life out of her.”

“Sorry,” Chloe whispered, sitting on an armchair on the other side of the room. “I’ll be quiet, I promise.”

“Now, now,” Min said, turning her attention back to my panic attack. “Everything is all right – now,” she said, placing a hand on my chest, stopping my weak attempt to sit up. “Breathe through your nose and relax.”

“How can it be me?” I asked, ignoring her. “I’m a girl. You said that–”

“Yes, yes.” She stood and reached over my head, returning with a cup of something that smelled both sweet and sour. “Drink this.”

“No! Tell me what happened! Why did–?”

“I will tell you after you drink,” she said, with a look even a toddler would recognize as a “grandma loves you but she isn’t above spanking you” scowl.

I tried again to sit up, but couldn’t quite manage it, so she held the cup to my lips. Once she was satisfied with the amount I’d managed to choke down, and my breathing and pulse had resumed their normal rhythm, she put the cup on the floor and sat back in her chair with a sigh.

“Yes, you are a woman. And yes, it is true that throughout history, female Holders have never been blessed with the caliber of ability that men have been. I myself am extremely powerful for a woman, though I still could not compare to a male Alchemist, even if he were only half my age. But the fact that something has never happened before doesn’t make it impossible. You are the one we’ve been waiting for, that much is clear. And while we are sure of that, there is little else that we know for certain at this moment. Tomorrow, we are all to meet with Cormac, where he will read you and determine what it is you are actually capable of. For now, I have placed a charm on your Sciath that will block your ability entirely for everyone’s safety.”

“You don’t know what my ability is? Can’t you see it in my, you know… whatever it’s called?”

“Your saol? No. While it did change significantly the moment you touched the Iris, it shows me only that you are a Holder – an immensely powerful one, at that – but it does not show me your specific ability. That is where Cormac comes in. In truth,” she continued with a grimace, talking more to herself than to me, “we should have seen it. At the very least, that you were destined to become a Holder. All the signs were there, we simply weren’t paying attention.”

“Signs like what?” I asked, wondering if they were the same things Alex had mentioned.

“Your advanced placement in school, your maturity and protective nature, even your ability and willingness to accept and understand the idea of Holders in general.”

“All that means I’m a Holder?”

“No, but it should have let us see there was a strong possibility.”

“But, if I’m a Holder,” I questioned, trying to put this all together, “shouldn’t I have had an Awakening? Alex said Holders should awaken in their early teens.”

“Should, should,” Min sighed, shaking her head. “There is no ‘should’. Especially when it comes to you. Your abilities are only a few hours old, and already the strongest I’ve ever seen, even stronger than Jocelyn’s. In this way alone, already you are an exception, not even to mention your gender. Who’s to say what other ‘rules’ we will come to find that you break. Never listen to ‘should’, because in your case I predict that many ‘shoulds’ won’t be.”

Her calm air and the fact that she seemed so unaffected by all this actually made me feel better. Maybe I was overreacting. Maybe it would all be OK. I did a quick check of my arms and legs and found that I was finally able to move them a bit, so I shifted on the couch readjusting myself into a reclined sit. Only after moving did I notice the odd weight on my right arm. Suddenly, Min’s words from a short while ago came back to me: “For now, I have placed a charm on your Sciath…”

Oh no…

I slowly lifted my arm out of the crevice between my body and the back of the couch, praying that I didn’t feel…

…that it wasn’t…

God damn it!

“No, no way!” I moaned, staring down at the gigantic golden cuff that was locked to my arm. “You can’t possibly expect me to wear this thing!”

The fact that Min actually had to get up and walk away to hide the fact that she was silently chuckling at my horror, wasn’t lost on me. “I will reset the stone for you, but it will take time,” Min said, fiddling with the stove, her smile still in her tone. “Until then, I’m afraid you have no choice.”

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me,” I groaned, rubbing my eyes.

“Don’t worry,” Chloe said, timidly emerging from her corner, glancing over at Min as though she expected a reprimand. When none came, she slid in next to me again, kneeling down and taking a closer look at my new, one-arm shackle. “It’s not so bad,” she said, with the same pained smile one would use to tell a good friend that their botched nose job looked great.

As I glared down at the horrid draping chains and deep-green gem, there was a soft knock on the door.

“May I join you?” Mr Anderson asked, poking his head into the room.

“Of course,” Min said, nodding. “How is everyone?”

“All right, no cause for alarm,” he told her, then smiled at me before stooping down next to Chloe. “There’s the lass! Gave us a right good scare, you did!”

“What do you mean, ‘how is everyone’?” I asked, suddenly acutely aware that Alex and Ryland were absent from this little party. “Where is Ryland?” I looked at Mr Anderson, then over to Min. “Is something wrong?”

“No, of course not, don’t worry yourself. The lad’s in bed.”

“In bed? What time is it?”

“Just after five in the evening. You were out for almost three hours dear,” Chloe said, patting my arm.

“Then why is he asleep so early? Is he OK?” I pressed.

“He’ll be fine. He was a bit rattled of course, but it’s nothing to fear. Jocelyn will explain things to him tomorrow. For now, he took the lad over to his room and put him into a deep sleep. All’s well.”

“Whoa, whoa! Put him to sleep? Like, screwed with his head?”

“It’s perfectly safe,” Min assured me. “This way Ryland will sleep well, without being afraid or having nightmares.”

“Nightmares? He’s not that fragile. Just tell him I passed out because I didn’t eat or something, he’d probably get a kick out of it,” I smirked, knowing that there were few things Ryland enjoyed more than having something embarrassing he could tease me about.

“Passed out?” Min said, as both she and Mr Anderson looked at me like I was out of my mind. “Becca,” she asked, stepping closer, “what happened when you touched the Iris? What did you see?”

“I don’t know, lots of colors and light. It was peaceful. Mostly, it made me tired.”

“That wasn’t tired, that was your life energy draining away,” she said thoughtfully. “But was there nothing else? Could you see us? Anything around you?”

“No, everything else disappeared. Why?” I asked, their shocked gazes confusing me.

“That may have been all it was for you, but for the rest of us there was quite a bit more.”

“What happened?” Chloe and I asked at the same time.

“In a word: chaos. The moment your fingers touched the Iris, a blast of pure energy shot out from around you, throwing us all backwards, forcing us against the wall. The continuous stream of unrestrained power pouring out of you dominated us all, making it impossible for us to control our abilities. Reid had items of all sizes flying around the room, Alex began casting random images, this one,” she said, pointing at Mr Anderson, “was filling our heads with so much nonsensical chatter we couldn’t think straight, and Jocelyn had to use every ounce of his concentration to avoid warping and erasing our minds.”

“Seriously?” I whispered, stunned. Everything had been so serene and tranquil for me that I never would have imagined there could have been such a commotion only a few feet away.

“The only way to stop it was to take the Iris from you,” Min continued, “but we were all pinned to the wall by the sheer force of it, and unable to reach you. Finally, Reid was able to gather his wits enough to kinetically pull the Iris out of your hand, stopping the effects instantly.”

“Wow,” Chloe breathed, giving my arm a squeeze.

But I was more worried than impressed. “And Ryland saw everything? My God, he must be terrified!”

“For a bit, but we took care of him, don’t you worry,” Mr Anderson said with a smile.

“As I said, Jocelyn has made sure he will sleep well tonight, and tomorrow he will have a talk with him.”

“Will he tell him everything?”

“Difficult to say. We will all discuss it at the meeting tomorrow morning.”

“Aye,” said Mr Anderson, looking at Min. “Nine o’clock, in Jocelyn’s office, and that includes you too, lass,” he added, nodding to me. “Seeing as how you’re one of us now. Cormac will be there too, for the Reading.”

“But are you sure–?”

“Hush now,” Min said, as she helped me sit up. “No more of that. There is nothing anyone can do tonight. All that matters now is that you get a good rest.” Once I was soundly on my feet, she went to the table next to the stove and retrieved a small corked bottle filled with a gray-green liquid. “Here,” she said, handing me the bottle, “drink this.”

I looked at the nasty color of the bottle’s contents and cringed.

“Come on,” she waved. “I’ve got somewhere to go, and I’m not leaving until it’s gone.”

I groaned and uncorked the bottle. It didn’t smell like anything, but I still didn’t trust it. I plugged my nose and downed the whole thing in two gulps.

“Blah!” I coughed, handing her the empty bottle. “Here, gone.”

“Good girl. Now get on up to bed, it won’t take long for that to begin working.”

“What was it?” Though, as I had already drunk it, maybe I didn’t want to know.

“You need a full night’s rest to finish healing. That will make sure you get it. Now go on. Chloe, take her arm and make sure she doesn’t trip. Anderson, go along will you? In case she can’t make it all the way?”

“Certainly. You’re not coming?”

“No, I need to go check on…” she hesitated, glancing toward Chloe and me, “someone.”

“Oh, aye,” Mr Anderson said sadly. “Poor lad.”

“You know about that?” Min asked him quietly.

He nodded. “He told me last week.”

My vision started to blur as I felt the bottle of – whatever it was – seep into my veins and make my head and limbs heavy. Chloe felt me slouch against her and began to lead me toward the door, but I was still straining to hear the quiet conversation happening across the room.

“What does it mean?” Mr Anderson asked, his low voice becoming harder and harder to hear. “Was it a mistake? Will he be able to move past it?”

“I’m not certain of anything at the moment,” Min answered.

Their voices sounded miles away now, and my eyelids had started to droop. Chloe guided me through the door, and we made our way down the hall while my exhausted mind struggled to function. Who were they talking about? Move past what?