Chapter Thirty-eight
“Severine, tell us more about yourself.”
When Severine lifted her eyes to Jayni’s, she was met with an anxious smile. “Umm...” To give her more time, she held the straw to her lips and sipped slowly.
Around them people talked in quiet tones and ate their food. The local steakhouse wasn’t a dress-in-your-little-black-dress kind of place. It was a nice restaurant for people to unwind on a Friday, or for a parent too stressed out to cook. The whole environment was relaxing.
It wasn’t the same where Severine sat. The meal with Jayni, Owen, and Mathias had been less painful than she expected. It was still tense. But the questions shot at her were not at a rapid pace, and she was given enough time to deflect them.
“Well-”
Thayer cut in impatiently. “She’s from Iowa, has one sibling—a brother named Rennick—and she’s fantastically tall.” He paused long enough to take a bite of his steak and gave her a long look. “Severine also has a pumpkin spice frappe addiction.”
Severine tried to give him a creeped out face but failed. She leaned close to him and smiled. “Have you been stalking my every move?”
“You’re a creature of addiction.”
“Is my brother your new addiction?” Mathias asked, his words completely humorless.
Severine wanted to groan in frustration. Did she truly believe he’d make anything easy for her? Of course not. He was a Sloan. Any other way, and it would’ve been an impersonator. For Severine, it was impossible for a Sloan to not get underneath her skin. The worst tragedy was his looks. Severine could skip past the attitude; he was harsh because of the world’s doing. Wasn’t everyone?
No, it was the green sweater and dress shirt layered underneath that made him seem serene. The minute his brown eyes looked in anyone’s direction, freezing temperatures would fill the air. Those irises were cold and distrustful of everything
He shoved up the sleeves of his sweater. His attire was all for appearance. Inside there was a creature waiting to attack.
Severine ignored his brutal stare. “No. Do you think I’m gonna eighty-six him?”
“Look at you!” He flung his hand in the air making her feel like she was an errant piece of lint on his coat. “Of course, you’re gonna toss him out.”
Owen shut his eyes and snapped his fingers in the air for the waiter. Severine turned her attention back to Mathias. Her fingers drummed repeatedly on the table as she stared at the protective brother sitting next to her. “I’m gonna take the ‘look at you’ as a compliment. As for tossing him out, that’s not going to happen.”
Your other brother already used my emotions like a Frisbee.
Mathias didn’t look convinced. Severine wasn’t going to try and convince him. He could get a brief glimpse into her mind, and he’d know that she wanted to toss Thayer. But it just wasn’t an option.
“As always, Mathias, it’s good to have dinner with you,” Thayer chimed in.
“I’m okay now.” He pointed his steak knife at Severine. She flinched slightly. “I was counting down the minutes until she’d run away to the bathroom and sob her eyes out.”
“You know, it’s amazing to hear what you think of the female population,” Severine dryly commented.
“Don’t listen to Mathias,” Jayni included herself in the conversation happily. She patted Mathias’s back like a devoted mother. “He’s the cynic of the family.”
“It sounds wike he’s a wittle jealous,” Severine teased.
“I’m close to him. He’s my only brother.”
Severine frowned and watched Jayni sadly look down at her plate. Owen muttered a curse and told the worn waiter to bring him another beer. Her curiosity was busting from the seams. To get more information, she’d play dumb. “So it’s just you and Thayer?”
Mathias flicked a harsh glare at her. “No, but he’s the only one worth mentioning.”
It was a direct dig at Macsen. Severine wanted to blurt out more questions. Their family rift wasn’t her business, however, Severine kept digging for information. With every cryptic response, she found herself even deeper in their confusing history.
“Let it go.” Thayer squeezed her thigh and shook his head no.
Her eyes settled on Thayer’s face as he solemnly stared back, not disclosing anything. Severine wanted answers later.
“Severine, have you been to any of Thayer’s games?” Owen asked. His question came out as a demand.
“Ah, no. I’m not a sports girl.”
Jayni’s mouth opened. Her face turned splotchy, as if Severine had told her she was a demon. “You’re kidding!”
“‘Fraid not. Sports were never on in my home.” Severine admitted.
“So you played no sports as a child?” Owen asked.
“When I was a kid, I did. After middle school, I started to lose interest.”
The more she spoke, the longer it took for them to wrap their brains around her answer.
Jayni schooled her features and briefly shook her head. “I had just assumed that’s how you met him.”
“How we really met is an interesting story.”
Mathias raised a brow for her to continue. Even Thayer looked at her hesitantly.
“I was just there in my knitting class. I looked up and there was Thayer with a sexy satchel filled with yarn.” Severine said as she fluttered her eyelashes dramatically at Thayer.
A reluctant smiled snuck up on Mathias’s face. Severine kept score in her mind. The two of them were tied.
“Thayer, I wanna know where my f*cking blanket is!” Mathias teased.
“If I knitted you a blanket, it’d look like it got in a fight with a mower.”
Mathias slammed his hand down on the table and laughed loudly. “You little shit.” His gaze landed on Severine. It was now filled with approval. “Now I know what he sees in you.”
“That’s a bigger compliment than your ‘look at you’ comment.”
“Hold onto it tightly. You’ll never hear another from me again,” Mathias quipped.
The check came quickly after, and Severine exited the steakhouse with her face huddled as deep as possible in her coat. Her body shivered as they made it to Thayer’s truck. He stopped at the end of the truck bed. Severine wanted to groan that they were spending one more minute outside.
“Thayer, we’re still planning on coming to visit in a few weeks.” Jayni placed her arm on both Severine and Thayer. “Are we going to be able to see you too, Severine?”
Severine made eye contact with Thayer. They hadn’t planned that far ahead. A few weeks for them could be impossible or the easiest thing in the world. Severine nodded her head and spoke her heart’s dream, “I hope so.”
Jayni smiled and quickly hugged Severine. “I look forward to it.”
When Severine shut the door behind her, she looked across the seat to Thayer. “Not as bad as you thought?”
Severine peeled off her gloves and pressed her cold fingers close to the vents. “I don’t know what I thought about your family. But this wasn’t what I expected.”
“What do you think about Mathias?”
“He’s protective and terrifying.”
“He’d be flattered by the word terrifying.”
“Is he always like that?”
“No. Not all the time. There’s that one percent...when he’s drunk.”
“Does he live here?”
Thayer nodded his head. “Yeah. He works for our dad.”
“Your dad?”
“My grandpa started a company selling farming equipment. When my grandpa died, my dad took over. Mathias runs the southeast territory.”
“Sounds...farmy?” Severine grew up around cornfields. It didn’t make her a pro on all things farming. None of it seemed fascinating.
“You look so excited by this information,” Thayer dryly said.
“It wouldn’t be my dream job.”
“It’s not Mathias’s either,” Thayer explained. “But if a farmer has a good season, so does he.”
“So your family basically throws their money in the air and rolls around on it.”
Thayer shook his head and laughed. “Not even close.”
Severine nodded distractedly and stared out the window at the buildings they passed. “Do you think they know about Macsen and me?
For a split second, Thayer clenched his jaw. “No. Trust me, they don’t know about you.”
“They would’ve said something to me?”
“No. That’d mean that Macsen had actually talked to them. And that hasn’t happened in a while.”
“And is that why Mathias doesn’t consider him a brother? I don’t have siblings, but even I think that’s a little strange.”
“It is strange. It’s completely f*cked up. But Mathias and Macsen don’t get along for the same reasons I don’t get along with him.”
“And that’s because?”
When Thayer sighed, it exposed all his frustration. “Severine, maybe you’ll see Macsen for who he is. Maybe you won’t. But my brother is a selfish dick. He’s always going to see things his way.”
The silence made her ears ring. Her voice came out scratchy. “What did he do?”
Thayer pulled into his family’s driveway. His eyes stayed on the steering wheel for minutes, before he looked at Severine with a blank expression. “He did nothing, Severine. And that’s what makes him so f*cked up.”
* * * * *
If I don’t get a txt back from u, I’m calling the cops.
Severine stared down at her screen and smirked at Lily’s threat. She quickly typed back a response. I’m good. Call off the hounds.
It was past two a.m. She should be asleep and ready for the early start she and Thayer would take back to campus. Instead, her heart thumped loudly in her chest, and her legs felt restless. They encouraged her to walk to Thayer’s room.
Her feet touched the cold floor. Severine adjusted her flannel sleep pants and creaked open her door. At the end of the hallway stood a small wooden table. On top of it was a picture frame and lamp that was lit for everyone to find their way in the dark. It allowed her to see Thayer’s closed door across from her own.
The thumping in her chest sounded loud to her own ears. It sounded like a dozen horses running at top speed. Their hooves pounded against the dirt in perfect rhythm. The rhythm of her heart fascinated and scared Severine at the same time. She’d expected everything to wither away. Once they had their night together thoughts of him would go away—it’d be enough.
That was her first mistake. Because now, if anything, it was worse. Her want spread throughout her whole body and urged her to walk across the hall—to take what she so clearly wanted.
But there was still the fearful side of her heart; the part of her heart that warned her he could do the same thing as Macsen. There was always a chance that Thayer could leave her broken.
She took two steps and halted. Her hand reached out, and she was so close to his door. Close enough to grab the doorknob and turn.
It was her stubbornness that made her turn sharply and silently walk down the stairs. When she got to the bottom floor, she peeked to the left and saw the TV. The volume was turned low, and a late night talk show played. Faint laughter rang from the speakers, and Severine smirked once at the screen. Her eyes turned to the L-shaped couch, and she stopped laughing.
The one person she was trying to keep strong against lay unaware in front of her. Thayer was stretched out on one side of the couch, with only a pair of basketball shorts on. It was like the world was dangling him in front of her and demanding that she did nothing. Severine was never good at fighting off temptation. The lust inside of her wanted to jump across the couch and take him.
Severine crossed her arms and her fingernails dug into her skin. He gazed dully at the screen, while Severine stared at him from the corner. Light from the TV played across his chest and stomach. She could make out every ridge and definition. Her head wanted to rest against the wall next to her and stay there. But warning bells were ringing in her head; she had already been here too long.
Slowly, she backed up. A floorboard beneath her protested, and Severine froze.
Thayer kept his eyes on the screen as he spoke. “Go to bed, Mathias...I said I’d leave her alone.”
His voice was deep. It drifted across the space between them and reached her in a rush. It felt good to know he was thinking about her, that he was fighting the same feelings she was.
She stepped back into the room. “You know it’s bad to sleep with the TV on, right?”
At the sound of her voice, Thayer flipped his body over and crashed loudly on the floor. He looked up at her and from where she stood Severine could see his wide eyes. “Holy shit, Severine. You scared the crap out of me!”
Severine smiled and leaned against the back of the couch. “Whatcha doing?”
He stood awkwardly and watched her slowly—with weariness. “Watching TV.”
“I didn’t know you were a night owl.” She walked into the living room and circled around the couch. If he could see her skin, he’d notice that it was prickled with goosebumps. Not from the cold air, it was all from his stare.
“I’m not.”
“Then why are you up?”
Thayer tossed the remote away from him and patted the seat next to him. “Probably the same reason you are.”
Severine walked over to him willingly and leaned back into the couch. The silence between them wasn’t amicable because neither one of them wanted it there. They both had other thoughts on their minds. None of it involved silence.
“I don’t want to go back tomorrow,” Severine finally admitted.
Thayer nodded and spoke to the floor. “I know. I kind of wish a freak blizzard would hit.”
Severine looked down at his arm so close to her own. Her hand reached out between them and with her index finger she traced the veins that led up to his biceps.
She was waiting for him to pull away or tell her that they shouldn’t be in this situation. Because if she wasn’t thinking right, one of them needed to.
Instead, he grabbed her arms and placed her on top of his lap. She straddled his legs and stared down at the one person that scared her more than anything. Behind them a commercial came on, providing enough light for Severine to see the expression in his gray eyes. He was asking for so much from her. She wanted to give him her trust, but right now, she didn’t know how.
Her hands went to the muscles in between his neck and shoulders. They were tense, showing just how apprehensive he was. With his eyes still on her face, he pulled her closer by the drawstring of her pants. “Am I in over my head for still wanting you?”
She could wind up in this position multiple times and never pull away. Even if it was the right thing to do, she’d stay firmly close to him. “No,” she finally rasped out.
He looked just as unsure as she felt. He still went underneath her shirt, he still touched her. When his hands reached the swell of her breasts, she pressed herself closer. Thayer spoke his words against her cheek. “Then what do we do, Severine?”
She pulled her face away long enough to whisper back a response—an answer from her heart. “Just stay close to me.”
Even after last night, she still wanted more. So much more. Her hands drifted underneath his basketball shorts and boxers. She touched him, and he groaned. Severine leaned down and whispered two words, “Follow me.”
Those words were a simple command, but they held so much power. Anything after this was deliberate and with choice. It’d be impossible to turn back.