Chapter Thirty-seven
Not even emotions could remain loyal. At one point, they’d betray you and leave your soul open to all harm. Severine left her feelings to roam alone. She stepped away from them like a coward and took no claim to them. It made her heart ache to think that sooner rather than later, she’d have to come to terms with Thayer’s words.
“I want you for more than a day.” Severine shuddered at what those eight words did to her.
Her eyes drifted from the crisp sheets underneath her body and traveled to Thayer.
He lay on his side, with his head buried next to his left arm. His right arm still clung to her hip.
Severine didn’t want this moment to vanish. She wanted to keep it safe from the outside world, from everything that was waiting for them back at campus. If she did move closer to him, it wouldn’t be by choice.
Quietly, she shifted away and lifted her naked body out of bed and toward her suitcase. Her fingers rifled through her clothes until she found a baggy t-shirt.
Her skin was already forming icicles. She turned back to look at Thayer and stared longingly at the open space next to him.
Connected to her bedroom was a guest bathroom. Severine brushed her teeth and stared at herself in the mirror. She didn’t look forever changed. No. Staring back at her wasn’t a girl with a glow to her cheeks, with happiness painted in her eyes. Severine looked afraid, anxious and alone.
She switched off the bathroom light and opened the door. Thayer hadn’t moved from his spot, and Severine hurried across the room, ducking underneath the covers to bury herself next to him.
Her body was pressed tight to him. With her mind screaming to get away as far as she could, and her heart pounding in her ears, it became impossible to think clearly.
But this feeling with him...Severine closed her eyes and drank the moment in.
Some things didn’t come naturally for Severine. Yet, right now, it all flowed perfectly. This moment was written before it had ever begun. It was meant for her.
He groaned in his sleep, and Severine kissed the side of his pec. From last night, she knew his body by heart. Her hands could tell you what his muscles felt like, and how warm his skin was. And laying next to him the next morning, wrapped against him, Severine knew she was giving him a piece of her heart, just by not leaving.
With her lips still touching his skin, she glanced up and found him looking at her. “Sleep well?”
“Best sleep I’ve had in a long time,” Thayer said in a deep voice. A morning voice had never sounded sexier.
He scratched the side of his head and placed his hands behind his head. His arms flexed, and Severine wanted to have him again. If there weren’t scratches on his back now, she’d put some there immediately.
“I’m surprised you’re here.”
“You thought I was going to run on you?”
“I counted on it.”
Severine raised a brow and turned to lie on her back. “I’m still here, Thayer.” I have no idea why. Her head moved against the soft pillow to look at his profile.
“The rules don’t apply to me?”
Severine nodded, “Apparently not.”
His laugh was brutal to her already tender soul. Thayer needed to give her time. Her wound was still fresh. He was close to ripping her thoughts apart. “I want today to be fun. Without thoughts of anything else.”
“I want that, too,” Severine confessed.
He sat up, and Severine saw the scratches from her nails clearly on his back. Her stomach clenched at the brand she’d left.
“Get dressed in a few minutes. I have something fun planned.”
“Fun?”
Thayer smirked in that teasing way that came so naturally to him. “I mean it. Meet me outside.”
* * * * *
“Umph!”
Severine was hit hard in the back. She looked over her shoulder at Thayer’s borrowed ski jacket, and at the big, wet spot on it. “Really? That was a cheap shot.”
Thayer tossed another snowball in the air and grabbed it in the other hand. “Put your game face on, Blake.”
Severine adjusted the ski cap on her head. Her cheeks felt raw from the cold air, and her eyes watered from the strong winds. “I don’t do outdoors,” she admitted.
“That’s because you’ve never done it with me,” Thayer winked in her direction.
His words brought the vision of him strained above her last night, shouting out her name. It was her fault for still wanting him. “I think I proved that wrong last night.”
He nodded and kneeled next to her. “So, are we going to pretend that we didn’t fu-...have sex last night?”
Severine kept her head down and firmly patted the snow in front of her. “I planned on it.” Her head slowly lifted to look at him. “I don’t think it should be a big deal, do you?”
Thayer’s eyes flared angrily, “Shit, Severine!” he said heatedly. “You’re my brother’s ex-girlfriend, not another f*cking girl!”
“So do you regret what we did because of Macsen?” Severine asked slowly.
He leaned closer and if Severine really inhaled him, she’d be able to smell his scent. Her mouth was inches from his neck, and all she wanted to do was lean forward and bite him there. “I regret nothing, you know that,” Thayer said darkly.
Severine’s hands paused above the mountain of snow she was forming. “But are you going to later?”
Thayer moved his face closer. His warm breath felt like a caress against her freezing cheeks. “No, I’m not going to.”
Her eyes traveled to the scenery in front of her. “I don’t think people plan on regretting something. It just kind of happens and before you know it, you’re in too deep.”
“I’m not thinking those things. None of them,” Thayer said with firm resolve. His gray eyes held hers. “Are you?”
“No.” And honestly, she wasn’t. Her fear was that she would later on.
“You need to tell me what you’re thinking. I’m not a mind reader.”
Severine’s eyes flashed to his. “I have only been broken up from your brother, who cheated, for a few weeks. Call me crazy, but I think I’m going to tread lightly in the romance department.”
“Because of which? Macsen? Or him cheating?” he asked seriously.
Her jaw clenched, and she looked at him directly. “Both.”
“So you need time to think.”
His comment sounded flippant, but Severine felt his eyes. “No, I don’t.”
“Then what is it?”
Her words made her a walking contradiction.
“Hmm...” he said thoughtfully. Severine finally looked his way, with curiosity plain on her face. “I think you’re feeding a lot of bullshit to create a huge clusterf*ck of miscommunication.”
Severine knew she was. She couldn’t push forward from last night. It was more than a replay. It was torched on her skin. Every action of Thayer’s brought on a vision that she wanted so damn hard to forget. What would it be like going back to campus? Did she have a chance in hell staying away from him?
“We don’t have to be together,” Severine dragged out. The words came out forced—almost choked.
“You want that?” Severine’s heart squeezed at the intensity in his voice. Thayer kept pressing the issue. “Tomorrow, you want to drive back to campus and pretend none of this happened?”
Severine shook her head. The wind tangled her hair, covering her face. Severine was grateful for the block. It was a thin veil that covered her pain. “No.”
His fingers brushed her hair away as his lips kissed the corner of her mouth. “I’m not my brother.”
She was starting to see that he was so much more. It terrified her. When she opened her mouth, she blurted out the thoughts running through her head. “This is why you don’t sleep with someone who plays the same game as yourself. We both know each line, excuse, and exit.”
“So you know I’m not bullshitting you when I tell you I’d take you any way I could.”
“Even if it’s with me hesitant and scared?”
He smiled teasingly at her. “In spite of that, yes.”
Severine’s lips kicked up in a small smile. It was with instinct that she moved closer and wrapped her arms around his neck. Thayer only raised his brows. “How are you going to complete tonight?” she asked.
“I’m taking you out.”
“Somewhere fancy?”
Sitting in the snow, with his hands resting on his knees, and a huge smile on his face, Thayer looked so happy. “You want that?”
“No,” Severine admitted with a wide grin. She didn’t know what page they were on, but it didn’t really matter. Right now, she still had him. For the next few hours, she could pretend that she had everything figured out.
“Good.” Thayer lifted the two of them away from the snow. “We’re eating with my family. Does that bother you?”
Severine was going to be given a glimpse into his life. Her cheeks ached from her smile. “Not at all.”
“Good, because they’re close to crapping a brick to get the chance to talk to you. And I kind of need to see them once.”
His hand wrapped around hers felt natural. “Why are we leaving tomorrow again?” Severine asked.
“I’ll be asking the same thing tomorrow morning.”