Burden of the Soul

21.

The smell of rust and mold stung my nose as my eyes flitted open. The ground was cold under my legs, and my head was hot and pounding where it had hit the rock repeatedly. It took a minute to realize I was alive with a massive headache and that I didn’t have control over my arms—not because some unseen force was holding them down, but because they were once again tied behind my back.

Twice in one day. This was becoming a trend.

I felt crumpled and broken, the pain so fierce and complete I wasn’t able to focus on any specific injury.

I looked around the dark room and could hear water dripping from a faucet somewhere across from me. My eyes adjusted to the dark shadows and I could make out the silhouettes of boxes piled at one end, and some old furniture stacked chaotically in a corner. The scent of mold and dank moisture reminded me of a basement. It looked like one, too.

Across from me I could see the slit of a window near the ceiling and a darkened sky behind it. I had to have been out for hours. My stomach was eating itself at that point, burning and churning with hunger and nausea.

I was propped up against a wall and tried to use my legs, free of any bindings, to push myself up into a standing position, but my head whirled with the motion and it felt like the floor was falling out from under my feet, so I let my body slide back down the wall and landed on my butt with a thud.

I heard footsteps above my head stepping across what sounded like a wooden floor, as well as muffled voices. I could hear a male voice speaking low and a shrill female voice. Then more footsteps, heavy against the hardwood floor above, and then softened by a rug. I heard the click of a door opening and the sound of it shutting. Then there was silence.

After a minute, I tried again to hoist myself up the wall, wondering if I was alone in what I thought was probably the cottage. If I were able to somehow sneak out to the woods in the darkness of night, I might be able to get away.

My back slid up the wall again and I accidentally dragged my head against the rough surface and yelped in pain, falling back to the floor with more force, striking my tailbone and sending a shooting pain down my legs.

There were soft footsteps above me, seemingly walking in a circle and then I heard a door open with a click and a whine as the hinges were forced to work.

There were a few slow footsteps against wooden stairs off to my right and then a click. Light from a single hanging bulb at the bottom of a wooden staircase cast a pool of yellowish light throughout the room. I could see then that my assumption had been correct. I was in a basement. And the dripping sound was coming from a large sink tucked back in a corner next to a washer and dryer set that looked like they were from the 1950s.

Katrina stood at the bottom of the steps just under the swinging light bulb. Her face was red and puffy, her cheeks still wet and her eyes swollen from the tears she had obviously been crying.

I forced my legs to work and slid myself up the wall, using it to support my weight and keep from teetering over again. I squared my shoulders to her and pulled at the rough twine scratching at my wrists. Her animal-like eyes never left mine. A breath caught in her throat, foreshadowing the tears that would come if she gave in to her grief.

“Where’s Devin?” My voice was gruff and much lower than I remembered it. My throat ached as the air ripped at its aggravated tissues.

“At the lake. Looking.”

She stepped down to the floor, her eyes still locked on mine, dead in the water.

“How could you?” Her voice was barely above a whisper. “She was just a child.”

“You were there, you saw what happened. You know it wasn’t me.”

“It was you,” she yelled. “He promised he was going to set her free from your grip before it went too far, but then that light… that was you. He said it was you.”

Her voice trailed off as a sob escaped, and she buckled over, her hands clamped to her chest. I watched her fold in front of me and I began to piece things together.

“You took her, didn’t you?” The guilt she wore was palpable.

“He promised me she would be fine.”

“Katrina, I had no power over any of it. Rex was controlling my every motion and the light… I don’t make it. It attacked my family too. It took both my parents and my aunt. I’ve seen it before.”

I was trying to reason with her, but her face pulled in tightly, and the swinging light above her head cast vicious shadows across her furrowed brow, blackening out her eyes into deep shadow.

“He said it was the only way.” Her voice was low and monotone as she reached up to the top of a box and pulled off a long, metal object that scrapped at the box’s surface. She held it at her side, and I was able to make out a slight curve at both ends and the rust that stretched along its length. She was holding a crow bar.

“He should have killed you,” she said. The light swung back and lit up her eyes. They were wild and severe as she took a step toward me. I struggled at the twine, pushing back against the wall to put more distance between us.

“Katrina, please…” I was scrambling with the words as she continued taking slow, deliberate steps. Her hand gripped tighter around the bar, and she slowly raised it, pointing it at me.

“You did this to me. I never would have agreed to him using Hannah if you weren’t coming here to take Devin away. They said you would come, and then you did.”

They must have told her I showed up on my own accord, leaving out the part about the kidnapping and Albert and Rita Shaw’s lifeless bodies lying at the bottom of Central Park’s Belvedere Castle.

“Katrina, I promise you I never came here to take Devin away. They brought me here.”

“Don’t lie to me!”

She raised the crow bar up over her head and brought it down with full strength on a pile of boxes next to me. They crumpled under the weight and scattered on the floor between us. She kicked one out of the way to clear her path.

“Katrina, listen to me. They’re lying to you. I never came here to take Devin away. They brought me here. They kidnapped me and somehow brought me to this place. I was unconscious, and when I woke up I was out in the shed, and then you and Alister came in to get me.”

“This won’t end as long as you’re alive.” Her voice was monotone and deep. The light caught her eyes again. They were strained and black, glaring at me before being thrown back into shadow.

I pulled hard at my wrists, the twine digging into the skin, trying desperately to snap the bindings and free my hands. She started raising the crow bar again.

“Katrina, please. It doesn’t have to be this way.”

"Yes it does. He won’t do it. He said he couldn’t. Someone has to. It won’t end until you’re dead.”

She grabbed the bar with both hands, and with a yell brought it down strong. At the last second I dove to her side, landing on the floor next to her as I heard the bar crash into the wall. I swung myself onto my side and used my top leg, drawing it back and then slamming it into the side of her knee. I heard a snapping sound and then watched as she crumpled to the ground, first swinging the crow bar limply to the side where I lay.

I rolled toward her, knocking her over completely and letting the bar fall behind me to the ground with a thud.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and rolled onto them, then shifted my weight back, guiding it with my shoulders and rolled up to a standing position on my toes. The binding was loose now, but not undone. I took off for the stairs and ran up, hearing her gather herself behind me and the shrill, elongated clang of the crow bar being dragged across the cement floor through her screams of pain.

I pumped my legs up the stairs and ran through the open door, using my heel to kick the door shut. I heard it latch, and I took off through a kitchen decorated with bright yellows and stone. I ran past a wood burning stove and turned down a long hall back to a door I recognized from earlier that day. I heard the door in the kitchen open as I blindly tried to turn the doorknob with my hands still tied.

I was facing down the hall, so I saw her turn the corner, the bar raised above her head. She was limping, barely using her right leg at all. I couldn’t get a hold of the knob long enough to make a full revolution and open the door, and she was coming at me fast.

She took a final lunge toward me, with the bar about to come down. With my knees bent, I squatted in a protective position. I saw as she froze midair, her mouth circling in surprise as she was suddenly thrust back the way she came. Her body, still frozen in its pounce position, flew through the air.

I heard the knob turn above my head and was pushed across the floor as the door swung open violently. I found myself pinned, trapped between the door and the wall.

Katrina finally landed on her back at the end of the hall, the crow bar still raised in her hand and her legs still in their lunging position.

I recognized his scraggly fingers, contorted and stretched as they emerged from behind the door, followed by his long, bony arm.

“What did I tell you, Katrina?” Rex stepped out from behind the door, his arm still raised to her.

She didn’t answer, but I could hear a growling sound rattling in her throat.

“I will not let you ruin this for me… for everyone,” he said.

He took a few steps into the hallway and stopped, and I watched as Alister’s greasy, red hair poked out from behind the door. He turned his head and looked at me, then back at Rex.

“Boss? What about the girl?”

“Store her for now. Use something stronger than twine, you idiot.”

Alister walked out from behind the door and grabbed me, yanking me to my feet and pulling me out the door. We were back in the green meadow lit by the white light of the rising moon, and he was pulling me toward the shed. My head was lifted to the moon, remembering Diana in her long silver and blue robes.

He opened the shed and pulled me in. “You just stay still there. No trying nothing,” he said, rummaging through a crate next to the door and pulling out a long rope and a knife. He turned me around and sliced through the twine, freeing my hands, which I jerked back.

He grabbed one of my wrists and yanked at it, and I felt the point of the long blade poke into my other side.

“I said no trying nothing,” he whispered against my ear.

He tied the rope around one of my wrists and then pulled me to the back wall, where a chain was hanging loosely against the wall. Before I knew what he had in mind, I found myself on my feet with my arms raised above my head, held there by the chain.

“That should do it,” he said, running one of his dirty fingers down the side of my face from the temple tracing my jaw line to the center of my chin. He chuckled and stepped backward, placing the knife on a wooden workbench next to the door. “Now, you behave yourself, little missy, until the boss decides what to do with you.”

He closed the door and left me in complete darkness.

I cried openly then. One way or another, Rex would push Devin to the edge, and that would be the end of me—not only of my body, but of my soul as well. That’s why he wouldn’t let Katrina finish me off or simply kill me himself. It had to be Devin. It had to be Devin’s choice to kill his other half.

At that moment, the image of Dave flashed in my mind, and I wept harder. I had watched as his parents’ souls were destroyed, leaving black scorched marks hovering on the other side, and I hadn’t been there to hold him. I hadn’t been there to comfort him when his world crumbled. He had held me and comforted me as my reality was falling into a pile of rubble. Now I wasn’t there for him.

The tears burned at the scratches on my cheeks, and my arms started to go numb as the remaining blood dripped down out of my arms.

A click at the door made my head jolt upward.

He stood completely still for a minute, just facing me. And I could see the moonlight trace a sandy blond perimeter around the top of his head. He took a few steps inside, closing the door behind him. I sucked in the air around me, filling my lungs to scream, though a lot of good that would do me. I heard another click and the light on the wall hanging over the workbench lit up, casting a blue fluorescent tint across the ground. He pulled an empty wooden crate out from under the bench, flipped it, and took a seat.

His head fell between his hands, and he ran his fingers through his hair, exhaling deeply. His jeans were darkened to mid-thigh, and I could see dark patches of wetness along his shirt.

Still looking at the ground, he spoke.

“I can’t find her,” he said. “I looked everywhere. In the lake and through the woods.” His eyes were swollen and bloodshot from the tears he had undoubtedly been crying all day.

“I need you to tell me where she went,” he said.

“I can’t.”

“You can’t? Or you won’t?”

“I can’t.”

“You said you knew the light.” His jaw clenched, and his lips pressed flat against each other as he said it.

“I do… sorta. I’ve seen it twice, but never like that. It’s always been really big. It took my family.”

“Where did it take them?”

“I don’t know.”

He kicked the crate back and it slammed against the doorframe. He paced in a circle, one hand on his hip and the other rubbing at his chin.

“Why did you take her?”

“I didn’t. Look, I don’t know what day it is or how much time has passed, but not long ago I was in New York and Alister and some other guy took me. Alister knocked me out, and when I came to, I was here in this shed.”

He looked confused. “New York?”

“Yes.”

“It doesn’t make any sense. Hannah disappeared two weeks ago.”

“Devin, I’m so sorry.”

I felt the warmth in my chest at saying his name, and was thankful at that moment for the chain that held me in place, because the magnetic force that made me want to be close to him kicked in. I looked up at his eyes and they were on me, baby blue under the fluorescent light.

“Devin.” My heart lurched, and I wanted to say his name repeatedly. “I couldn’t control it. I was trying to lift her up and get her out of the water. I’m so sorry. I don’t know how Rex does what he does. I tried to fight it…”

He cut me off, “What do you mean ‘how Rex does what he does’? He wasn’t even there at first.”

“He was. They all were. Katrina brought me to the lake, and Rex and the others brought Hannah.”

He shook his head with both hands on his hips and rocked back and forth. “Wait… Katrina brought you to the lake?”

“Yes. Katrina brought me there, and that’s when Rex started working his voodoo mind trick on me. I wasn’t in control of anything.”

He looked at me blankly, obviously confused.

“Oh god, you have no idea what I’m talking about, do you?”

A hand rubbed over his stomach to the center of his chest and stayed there for a moment, his eyes staring off into the distance at nothing.

“No, I don’t. But I’ve never seen him like that.” He turned to me, his hand still pressing into his chest. “I wanted to, you know,” he said. “I wanted to kill you.”

My head dropped at the words. “I figured as much.”

I saw the shadow cast over the floor by his arm raising, and then I heard the blade of the knife drag across the workbench surface. My eyes closed in defeat, and my head rolled a bit. I opened my eyes slowly and saw his feet closer to me than before. I knew how it all sounded. I wouldn’t have believed me either.

I lifted my head to meet his as he closed in on me. I wanted to look into his eyes once more, even though they may burn with hate for me. I wanted to see that blueness up close and wanted to have it be the last thing I saw.

He was looking into my eyes, and I felt my heart light up, warming and healing all of my bruises and wounds from the day. I closed my eyes and kept the image of his soft face close to mine. I felt his breath warm my chilled face, and then I felt the warmth of his palm wrap around my wrist, and my eyes snapped open. He was facing up and pulled the knife in his hand through the rope.

My hands fell to my sides with the weight of exhaustion, and I fell forward into his chest, unable to fight back against the urge to be there in his arms and unable to fight the weakness and exhaustion. His arms never followed though, and I felt him straighten under my cheek. I pulled myself back up and kept my eyes low, refusing to look him in the eye.

His finger slid under my chin, and he tilted my face up to his. His eyes were still teary and flicking back and forth, searching mine.

“Clara, I need you to show me what happened. I need you to help me find her.”

I couldn’t get the words out. All I could do was nod my head.

“You can try and explain things to me on the way, but first… we have to get out without them noticing.”

He grabbed one of my hands and tucked his around it, then turned to the door and quietly put the knife back on the workbench. He peeked outside the door toward the cottage. He reached with one hand and flipped off the light above the bench, then looked again up to the house.

“Alright, I think we can make it,” he said, pulling me behind him gently. I felt exposed by the moonlight spilling down on us, but couldn’t help but notice the silver streak it cast as a silhouette around Devin. He released my hand and put his on the small of my back, falling behind me for cover and to guide me to the tree line. He turned to look at me, and that’s when I heard him gasp slightly from behind.

“Oh god, Clara… your head. I should have cleaned that up for you.”

One of my hands reached up to the spot on my head, and I winced as I felt the warm blood solidifying around the still-open gash.

“I’m so sorry,” he said, his hand still on the small of my back. I was fully aware of each of his fingers and the slightest movement made by his hand. It felt as if nothing in my mind existed outside the placement of his hand. I stuttered awkwardly in reply.

“Uh, don’t worry about it. It doesn’t hurt.”

“Sure looks like it does.”

We walked into the darkness of the forest, our eyes adjusting to the shadows without the moonlight to guide us. “Here, I should probably lead the way.”

The brush crunched under our slow moving feet as he carefully guided me through the woods.

“I thought I had dreamt it,” he said.

“You mean at the lake?”

“No, you… in that stone room. You had disappeared and then I was suddenly back outside the ruins as if nothing had even happened.”

“Yeah, I was back in my closet.” He laughed at me.

“That’s a very interesting closet you must have.”

“Not most days.”

“So it wasn’t a dream?”

“I don’t think so.”

There was a pause then as he struggled with that reality. It was clear he didn’t know nearly as much as I did, and I really didn’t want to be the one to have to tell him.

“How is it you’re being so nice to me right now? So calm?” I felt his hand stop and his body turn to face me as I asked the question. “I mean… why do you believe me? Especially after what you saw today?”

He was looking into my eyes then, and he came closer. He searched my eyes for a moment, and I squeezed gently at his hand. His eyes seemed to flutter slightly just as I did it, and he took a deep breath in to collect himself.

“I don’t know how to not believe you,” he said. “I know it sounds absurd, and I know everyone wants me to kill you, but… I need you to be telling the truth.”

My breathing picked up as he said it. The word ‘need’ in relation to me coming from his lips made my heart lurch into my throat.

“I don’t know how to believe you, and I understand absolutely nothing of what you’ve explained at this point. But I need you to be right, because I need to find Hannah.”

My heart sank a bit as I realized the source of his need.

“Oh.” I said it softly as I let my head drop to hide my realization and disappointment.

We set off walking again and the questions spiraled around my mind, one slipping out before I could catch it.

“So you’re close with your sister?”

“Yeah, you could say that. We’re all each other has now. Our parents disappeared a few years back when Hannah was just a baby,” he said. “I’m really the only parent she knows.”

“And Katrina?”

“Katrina is…,” he trailed off, struggling a bit with it. “A lot like family to Hannah. We were together for some time. We’re not now though. For awhile it was looking like we would get married straight out of school.”

“But then what?”

“Then… you told me not to.”

“I told you not to marry her?”

“Yeah, in a dream. You said ‘Devin, don’t do it.’ So I didn’t.”

“So you do dream of the green field?”

He stopped walking and turned to me again. “You too? With the tree?”

“Yeah. A day before I saw you in the room, you did the same thing. You came to me across the field, closer then you ever had before, and said it was time.”

“Time for what?”

“I have no idea,” I said. “When was the first time you saw me in the dream?” He took my hand and we started walking again. An electric shock shot up my arm.

“A few years back when my parents disappeared. That’s when you were close enough for me to really see you. That’s when Rex took us in so Hannah and I wouldn’t get split up.”

I pulled back on his hand and took a step to his side, looking him in the eye. “I really am sorry. You’ve lost so much.”

“As long as I get this one back, I’ll have all I need.”

He let go of my hand then and walked through an opening in the trees. I followed right behind him and saw the surface of the lake in front of us rippling under the moonlight. Strands of wiggling silver stretching across in lines as the wind pushed at the water.

“Now, show me what happened.”