Burden of the Soul

20.

“Put this on,” Katrina said, throwing a musty cloak at me. She had led me upstairs to a bedroom as Rex directed. My clothes were still damp, I was chilled to the bone and afraid for my life so my free arm stayed cemented at my side as the cloak fell to the floor between us.

She let go of my wrist and picked up the cloak, holding it to my chest glaring at me fiercely.

“You can cooperate, or I can call for Rex to come and make you put it on.”

“Why do you go along with him?”

Her eyes met mine at the question. Her dark hair was still pulled back in the bun, although it was beginning to dry. Loose strands alluding to curls fell in front of her ears and around her face.

“It’s like you’re his puppet or something,” I said.

“Can’t I say the same thing about you?”

“I sat down and ate the food against my will. It’s different.”

“I wasn’t talking about Rex. I’m talking about Brik.”

“It’s different.”

“How? You just believed everything Brik told you, and you’ve done everything he’s told you to do. Now you know for a fact he has withheld the truth, and yet you defend him.”

“It’s different. Brik’s the good guy.” Even as I said it, I wondered if I really believed it.

“And from where I’m standing, Rex is.”

We stared at each other for a moment taking in the impasse we had reached.

“I believe him,” she said.

“But what if he’s wrong? What if there’s more to lose than there is to gain by playing for his side?”

“What I have to gain is worth the risk by far,” she said, stepping closer to me and pulling the cloak back, letting it unravel to the floor. She swung it around my shoulders and tied it at my neck a little too tightly making me swallow hard against the stinging in my throat. “You could never love him as much as I do. You could never make him happy like I can.”

Her eyes were intense and unblinking as she stared straight into mine. “I’ve known him his whole life, and he loves me, too. And your purpose is to take that away from us.”

“Devin?”

“He’s been saying your name in his sleep. He won’t talk to me about it, but I know what it means. It means you’ve been trying to take him away.”

“Katrina, I swear I haven’t…”

“There’s no other way,” she said, her face becoming sad and her eyes glassing over. “All I want is to love him—to have our life together and to be happy. And you’re the only one who can take that away from me. I never wanted it to come to this, but there’s just no other way.”

Her hand was at my elbow, and she turned me toward the door and led me out.

“We have to go now.”

“Where are we going? Katrina, please don’t do this.”

“It’s not up to me, Clara. And honestly, I’ll be relieved to be rid of you.”

She led me down the stairs and through the hallway, back to the door we had come through about an hour ago. The sun was higher in the sky casting soft, golden light over the green meadow. A layer of fog hung above the grass and stretched back into the dark, wooded area.

We walked into the depths of the trees, my feet catching on fallen branches. I stumbled a few times, but her hand was still there, pulling me back up. The light didn’t break through the canopy created by the trees, and we fell into the dark shadows. We walked at a quickened pace for what seemed like a half hour through thick foliage and prickly bushes. My cheeks were scraped and stung from where the prickly branches had scratched at me, trying to stop me from going further, but she continually yanked me forward.

Finally, we came to a clearing where the trees opened at a sparkling lake, the water’s surface reflected the early morning light like sparks. She threw me forward, causing me to trip over the long cloak and fall to my knees, scraping my palms across rocks imbedded in the dirt. To my left I saw darkened figures emerging from the forest, all draped in similar black cloaks and being led by Rex. I scurried to my feet and backed away from Katrina, facing the figures.

As they approached, I could see three men following behind Rex, one of whom had his arms wrapped around a small child, its limbs curled around his neck and midsection.

I saw Alister’s familiar face among them, off to the side behind a light-haired man carrying the child. Behind him on the other side was a thinner and lankier man with a full dark beard covering the lower half of his face.

As they got closer, the two men in back fanned out creating a circle where we all stood. It was a little girl in the man’s arms, no older than four years old and curled up sleeping in pink pajamas.

“What is this about?” I was glaring at Rex, who was standing across the circle from me. I stood as far away from Katrina. The little girl adjusted herself in the man’s arms, blinking a few times trying to fight off waking up. Katrina’s head turned to her and watched the movement while all other eyes remained locked on me.

“In a few moments, Devin will be coming through the path on the other side of the lake there and will be made quite angry by what he sees,” said Rex. He then turned to the man holding the little girl and nodded. The man carried the girl to the center of the circle and laid her on the ground before backing away. I fought the impulse to pick her up and wrap her in my cloak as I watched her quiver from the cold ground. A twitch in Katrina’s arms suggested she fought back a similar impulse.

“I don’t understand,” I said, turning to Katrina, who was watching the quivering little girl with a pained look.

Rex turned to Katrina, seeing her concern for the child. “She’ll be fine, Katrina. It’s the only way, and it will all be over soon.”

She looked up at him and back at the little girl, then nodded.

Rex raised his arms in front of him and, as if on cue, both Katrina and the lanky man took a few steps to me reaching for the hood hanging down my back. I tried to step away from them, but I felt the heaviness stronger than before. It filled my feet as if concrete had been poured inside my legs, locking me in that position.

The heaviness slowly crawled up my legs to my knees as Katrina and the man together raised the hood over the back of my head, letting it fall over my forehead and cover half of my face. Just under the hood’s trim I could see four pairs of feet begin to back away slowly as the heaviness reached my hips, tingling the entire way.

It seeped up through my core and poured over my shoulders into my arms, dripping down the insides like a cool serum. I was struggling to fight it off. My teeth were gritted, and I focused every thought on pushing back at the poison spreading through my body. I pushed back with all of my might, and for a moment I felt the heaviness shrink down from my collarbone and back up to my elbows.

Rex let out a grunt and tensed his hands; his fingers sprawled out like bare branches of a dying tree. I could see them just beyond the edge of the hood, which was blocking most of my vision.

The heaviness lunged forward inside of me, and I felt my chest lurch out at the force. It poured over the walls my will had created inside my arms and neck, and flowed freely into every inch of my body. I could no longer control any part of myself except my mind. He could spread his reach throughout my physical body but my thoughts were still my own. I could feel the regal elder emerge fully from behind the curtain and urge me to keep fighting.

I could not move my lips, but I was able to force the words out through gritted teeth.

“It’ll never work.”

“Ah, but it already is working,” he said.

I felt my knees twinge and bend, lowering me to the ground as my arms reached out for the child who was now looking at me with stunned blue eyes. She had sandy blonde hair swirling in tight curls and bubbling lips the color of a pink rose pedal. She pushed back at the dirt with her bare feet to get away from me, but my hands were on her sides with a thrust from the heaviness.

I felt my mind trying to push back from the inside, to regain control of my arms and leave the child where she lay, but my arms lifted her.

Rex began to back away to the cover of the trees as I turned against my will to the lake. The little girl’s legs kicked out underneath my arms, and her hands pulled at mine to try and wiggle out.

“No, no, no,” she cried out. Huge tears rolled out over her eyes and fell to my hands, melting the coldness and pushing back away at the weight that controlled me. For a moment, my mind latched onto the warmth and pushed back on it from the point where the tears had fallen rather than from the inside.

It worked… I could begin to feel my hands again under my own control. They ached and stung with a pins and needles sensation. They loosened around the girl and, with the help of her hands pushing, they were able to move back from her, freeing her from their grip.

Immediately they snapped back more tightly around her waist as I heard a growl from behind me, and the girl let out a scream of distress. Her face distorted with pain as my hands, beyond my control, dug deeper into her.

I could feel tears gathering in my own eyes and a wailing in my throat that was held captive there by Rex’s control. I felt my heavy feet lift and stride forward one at a time, bringing both the girl and I closer to the water’s edge. She screamed out in terror, and the sound mixed with her continuous wailing.

I cringed as my grip on her tightened, and I heard a low chuckle from somewhere behind me. I looked at her face and I felt a tear rip through my heart as I saw the resemblance in her blue eyes to those I had gazed into not long ago.

Let go, Clara. The voice was distinct in my mind, urging me to pull back from Rex’s control and set the girl down. Just let go.

I was trying to, focusing all my energy on my hands, willing them to relax and release the girl. I was trying to drop her, but the harder I tried, the more they locked on to her mushy sides and the louder she wailed.

I walked into the water up to my knees, the cloak floating at the water’s surface on either side. One of my hands finally loosened at her side, and I fought to control the effort. But despite my focus, my hand slid up her side, gripping at her soft arm. Holding her there, allowing her to hang by the arm, my other hand loosened at her waist and traveled up to her neck.

The look in her eyes sickened me, and if I had any amount of control over myself I would have thrown up at that moment. My emotions swirled through the heaviness.

The girl squirmed in my grasp, and I could taste the bile rising in my throat. My knees began to tingle and bent again, lowering the two of us to the water’s surface. Her screaming bounced across the water and hit the trees all around us with shrill echoes. As her bare feet dipped into the cold water she let out more screams with a new vengeance, kicking at both me and the water. Unable to move my lips, I pushed out the words through gritted teeth. “Oh, god no. I’m trying. I’m trying.”

My arms froze in place and everything stopped other than her struggle. The weight of the heaviness whirled back, twirling and gathering with more strength each second as my thoughts followed it, trying to find a hole in which I could break through and regain control.

That’s when I heard him from across the lake. A threatening yell like I could never imagine stabbed deep into my center.

“Hey! What the hell are you doing? Put her down! Hannah!”

“Devin!” The girl tried to twist her neck back to the source of the voice she recognized, but her head wasn’t able to move under my grip.

I heard the thudding of a baseline echoing off the trees and across the lake as his feet pounded the ground, running at full speed. I felt relief at the thought that I would be stopped. I felt a warmth grow at my heart’s center at the thought of seeing his eyes and taking in his face. I had recognized the voice even though it had morphed into a threatening form. He was going to save us.

But as the thought happened, the heaviness pounced forward inside of me with a new strength, and I buckled under it. My arms fell to the water with Hannah in them and held her there, just under its surface. Bubbles of air popped up from her mouth as it dropped open in a silent scream. Her legs kicked and thrashed under the water, and I heard as Devin’s scream pierced through the air. For a moment, I thought I heard a woman gasp behind me.

Let go, Clara. I could hear the voice in my mind beseeching me to regain power of my body and save the girl, and the tears broke through the seal of Rex’s power and stung as they rolled over my eyes and fell to the water below.

As the first tear spilled into the water, it took on a glow, illuminating the water around it. And then the second did the same.

The droplets of light fell under Hannah’s jerking body, and I heard a wicked splash from somewhere to my right and then the slapping of water. I couldn’t turn my head, but I knew it was Devin swimming to rescue Hannah with all of his strength. I watched as the drops of light fell to the lake’s floor and then exploded into a burst of bright light I recognized.

It grew underneath Hannah’s body and began to twist and encircle her. It spread out under my bent knees in the water never touching me, but I could see the swirls of pearlescent color rolling over the light’s surface as it folded over Hannah’s small body. It covered her face, and I felt as her body relaxed in my hands and stopped struggling.

Just let go, Clara. The voice in my head felt calm now, no longer shaking with the anxiety for me to regain control over myself, but now urging me to give Hannah over to the swirling light around her. She was pulled from my grasp and then disappeared within the light, which shrunk down to the lake’s floor, pulling itself into a small spark and then disappearing. Hannah was gone.

My eyes flickered around the water where Hannah’s thrashing body had just been, the water’s surface completely still without her limbs kicking and pushing. The heaviness in my limbs tightened in shock rippling through its weight, reaching every part of me. I was not the only one surprised by what had happened. His energy warmed as if the evil presence holding onto my body smiled in a wicked excitement.

At that very moment, a body crashed into mine, knocking me down under the water. His arms reached into the water where Hannah had just been, searching for her. The heaviness was pleased and softly pulled me up from the water behind Devin, my head bowed with the hood still covering the top of my face. It was wet now and clung to my eyes, blocking my vision entirely.

I heard him yelling for her. “Hannah! Hannah!” And then he plunged under the water grasping at the lake’s floor looking for her body to pull up. After a minute of searching he whirled on me, his hands at my throat pushing me out of the water.

“Where is she?”

He was screaming at me, and I could feel his warm breath hit the tip of my nose. He shook me violently. “What have you done with her?”

We were out of the water, and with the full weight of his body he threw me up against a large tree trunk. The pain pierced up and down my spine and traveled to every point in me with a shot.

His hands tightened around my throat cutting off the air to my lungs. I felt the heaviness warm with pleasure and the remorse in my own mind, the only part of myself still free of Rex’s influence. I gave in, anticipating the fate Devin would bring to me.

He pulled me back away from the tree and threw me up against it again with an overwhelming force, sending the pain barreling through my body again. I could feel a scream bellow in my mind and barely catch in my throat, coming out as a whimper.

“Where is she?”

His hands tightened around my neck, and then threw me to the ground. My head smacked against the edge of a sharp rock buried halfway into the padded dirt floor, and I felt a heat stretch through the point of impact. The heaviness seemed to ripple with joy through my body, laughing at the gash pouring my blood out onto the ground.

Devin was straddling me with his hands around my neck, yelling at me to identify myself. He pulled my head up and knocked it back against the rock, sending a new pain through my head as it connected with a sickening thud.

The hood fell back revealing my face, and I saw as his eyes widened in disbelief and he fell backwards. Water was dripping from strands of golden hair splayed across his forehead.

“Clara?”

A ripple of shock spread through the heaviness in my body, and I heard rustling behind me beyond the trees. I was able to break through the weight controlling me in its moment of shock and launch the words out of my mouth:

“Devin, it wasn’t me. She’s not dead.”

I was able to edge my body up to a seated position and felt the blood pour down the back of my neck, warming my cold skin. My head was spinning in a daze brought on by the pain. I was about to tell him who was behind each of my motions when the heaviness regained its strength and clamped my jaw closed and held it there with a force burning with anger.

Devin got to his knees and leaned in toward me, his arms reaching out to pull me up as my entire body went stiff and rigid. My eyes were wide with fear, his face becoming rigid with a mixture of anger and desperation.

“Clara? Where is she?”

I tried to force the words to echo in my mouth so that he could somehow make out my thoughts, but I could feel Rex’s hold on me contract fiercely. Devin's hands were holding my arms and shaking them slightly, trying to break me free from whatever force had just overcome me. I was screaming at him through my eyes, begging him to run, begging him to get away from this place and from Rex.

“Clara, say something.” His eyes were terrified as they darted between me and the lake where Hannah had disappeared.

My lips quivered with my effort to speak, to say something to appease him, and tears welled back up behind my eyes with frustration. He leaned in closer, his hands traveling up, holding the sides of my face. His voice was a desperate whisper as his own eyes began to well up with tears.

“Clara, please,” he said, his voice cracking under his pain. “Please, Clara… you have to tell me.”

He watched as my lip continued to quiver, gaining some control as the heaviness began to lose strength inside of me. Through my wide eyes I saw his pain transform to intense anger as his face turned bright red and he began to shake me by the shoulders.

“Say something!”

I heard footsteps behind us and had the power to turn my head as Devin’s gaze flipped up to the forest’s edge. Rex emerged, breathing deeply now without his cloak.

“Devin, I saw everything. You are justified.”

I felt dizzy as the back of my head throbbed with intense pressure, the blood still flowing strongly down my neck. As the heaviness lifted, freeing my muscles, I could feel their weakness, their defeat.

Devin’s eyes bounced between the two of us with desperate confusion. And I was able to get the words out in a whisper.

“Devin, no… it wasn’t me, it was …” Rex’s hand raised and the heaviness clamped down at my throat blocking off the air I was pushing up to form the words.

“Be quiet, murderer.” Rex lunged toward us in a crouch, facing Devin, urging him on. “Kill her, Devin. She killed Hannah. She’s behind all of this.”

I struggled against the pressure that clamped on my throat, trying to breathe. I watched as Devin’s eyes tightened and glared at me with a new fury, and his hands tightened around my neck. There was a gurgle in my throat at the new pressure from outside pushing against the pressure from within. I fought at the lingering heaviness in my arms, trying to will them up to push him off. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Rex’s arm sway lightly in the air and felt as the heaviness lifted a little—enough for me to struggle against Devin’s hold. He was allowing my body to complete the illusion, to heighten the dramatic moment.

My chest began to burn, pulling for air that wouldn’t come, and my head began to spin. My eyelids grew heavier, and my muscles began to spasm, trying to lunge out of the heavy weakness that was pouring over me.

“Kill her!” Rex was glaring at Devin over my shoulder, prompting him to continue. My eyes flickered open a few times to see the red of Devin’s face and the tears streaming down his cheeks. His face contorted into an expression of complete agony. His hands loosened around my neck, and I gasped for air, turning over onto my side with my newfound control.

Devin crumpled to the ground bent over at the waist, sobbing into the dirt. My hand went to my head and felt the warm wetness that matted my hair to my skull. I pulled my hand back and saw the bright red blood staining my palm. I took a few deep breaths and let them fill my lungs each time, my muscles relaxing.

Rex had stood up with a grunt of frustration and the remaining bits of heaviness in my body disappeared.

I reached my hand out to Devin’s. My fingertips reached his, and warmth spread up my arm immediately and embraced my heart. His fingers were cold. I felt the urge to warm them with mine, with kisses, with every part of me.

But then a hand locked within my matted, wet hair and yanked back.

“Killer!” Rex pulled me to my feet next to him and pulled down on my hair making me bend to his will.

“No! She’s not dead.”

“Liar!”

But at the sound of my words, Devin’s head had snapped up. He looked at me with wide, swollen eyes.

“Let her talk,” he said, climbing to his feet and putting his hand out to Rex.

“Absolutely not,” said Rex. “She just killed Hannah.”

“No! Devin, it’s him…” Rex’s other hand slapped down on my mouth and kept me from finishing the sentence.

“Devin, she kidnapped and killed your sister.”

Oh my god. It was his sister.

“Clara, what happened? She was there and then she just wasn’t. Why were you holding her under the water?”

Rex’s hand tightened over my mouth, and he turned to Devin. His voice was rehearsed and nasal as he spoke through a clenched jaw.

“How do you know this girl?”

Devin’s eyes shot up to Rex and flipped back to me. I burned the word “no” into my eyes, not daring to speak it aloud, and carefully shook my head back and forth in a quick motion.

Devin ignored the question and took a step toward me, his eyes pleading. “Clara, just tell me where she is.”

“She’s not there anymore,” I said through a quivering voice muffled by Rex’s hand, which he tightened even further.

“Then where is she? Rex, let her talk!” Rex’s hand loosened.

“I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know? She was in your hands.”

“I know, but then the light came and… I know it sounds crazy, but it’s the same way I lost my parents and my aunt. It was the exact same light.”

Rex seemed surprised by the revelation, just as Devin didn’t seem to buy it. Devin gritted his teeth and his eyes became fierce. His nostrils flared, morphing his beautiful face into a frightening sight.

“Devin, you can end this. You can pay her back the pain she has brought to you. No one will ever know.” Rex pushed at me from behind, and I stumbled over my own toes, barreling into Devin’s chest. His arms caught me and held me back up.

The sudden motion over the weakness of my muscles sent me teetering, unable to regain equilibrium. My eyes grew heavier, and the color in the trees and the sky began to drain until everything was painted with a murky shadow. As I slipped deeper into unconsciousness, I could hear Rex’s voice echoing softer and softer in my ears as he pleaded with Devin.

“You can end this.”