When the Heart Falls

I crawl back to the door, turn the lock, push it open. “Cade.” I reach out, crying. My Cade.

The rock song is over. A crowd parts around the bathroom. People scream.

A man in a cowboy hat comes running. "Winter. Are you hurt? Are you hurt!"

The cowboy’s shaking me now. Silly man.

I smile up at him, his face spinning. "I killed a monster. I'm free now. I can rest."





WINTER DEVEAUX

CHAPTER 44





BRIGHT LIGHT ASSAULTS me through my eyelids as consciousness forces itself on me. I groan and peel my eyes open in increments until Cade’s face comes into view, blurry but oh so welcome.

He’s holding my hand and is stroking it with his thumb. “Hey.”

“Hey.” My voice comes out in a croak, and Cade brings a cup of water to my lips. I try to sit up, but something explodes in my brain, and I fall back down. “What’s wrong with my head?”

“You have a concussion.”

“So that’s why there’s two of you.”

His eyes widen and he stands. “Winter, are you—”

I grin, but it makes my whole face hurt even more. “Just joking.”

He sinks back into his chair with a sigh. “Do you… do you remember what happened?”

“I remember that I pretty much hate bathrooms and am so traumatized by my bathroom experiences of late that I might have to wear a catheter for the rest of my life.” My snark breaks the gloom hovering in the room, and he chuckles.

But I know what he’s really asking, and the night rushes back to me in flashes and fragments until the whole memory forms in my mind. Telling him everything is painful for us both, and he closes his eyes when I’m done.

"I should have left him alone,” he says under his breath. Then he opens his eyes and looks at me, brushing a stray hair out of my face. "I should have left him alone. I’m so sorry."

"He would have done it anyway. He couldn't face people hearing the truth. He couldn't face hearing it himself."

Cade’s face is a mask of pain and righteous anger. "How dare he call what he did love. That’s not love."

"It was for him. When we were kids, he told me so. But as kids we liked to pretend. We played Hide and Seek. Our toys played Mommy and Daddy. When we became teenagers, the games ended. I became the book nerd. He, the all-star quarterback who hung out with the team, flirted with the teachers, and slept with the cheerleaders. He changed so much. But now, I realize, he didn't change at all. He wanted to fit in. He molded himself to what society thought was best, what was considered normal, so no one would doubt his humanity. But I was the closest thing he had to a true friend, a lover. He showed me the darkness inside. And I didn't stop him. He took his mask off around me. And he became a demon. He became himself."

Cade turns toward the window, his face in his hands.

I pull him to me, not wanting him to retreat into himself, or worse, blame himself for what happened.

Cade relents and moves close enough to hold me. I rest my head on his chest, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat a comfort to me.

When the doctor comes in I’m nearly asleep again. He’s holding a chart and Cade moves so he can check my pupil dilation with his light. His English is flawless, with only a faint French accent, and I wonder if he studied in the States. "There's no permanent damage, but you have a concussion. We’d like to keep you overnight for observation.”

“Doctor, please, I just want to get out of here. It’s too bright and too loud, and I’ll heal better in my own bed.” Or in Cade’s.

He nods. “I understand. As long as there’s someone who can stay with you and wake you every few hours to make sure you’re okay.”

Cade responds before I can. “I won’t let her out of my sight.”

The doctor tears off a sheet of paper. “Here are instructions. If you notice any of these symptoms, bring her back in immediately.” He scribbles something else on a small pad and hands that to Cade. “Some medication for her pain. She’ll need it for a few days.” He turns to talk to me. “I’m going to keep you for observation today. If you’re able to keep food down and walk without falling, you can go home tonight. An officer will be in here shortly to take your statement. I’m sorry your stay in our country has been so tragic. I hope it doesn’t sour you to France."

I smile and switch to French. “It’s not anything to do with this beautiful country. My own past followed me here, but my time in Paris has brought me love, joy and a deeper understanding of life.”

He pats my hand. “I’m happy to hear this.”

The doctor leaves and Cade sits back down with me. "Rodney's been arrested. The crowd heard your recording."

When the officer comes in, a short man with a paunch belly and a kind smile, I give him my full statement. They already have my phone, which sucks, because it was a really nice phone, but it’s now considered evidence. “What will happen to Rodney?” I ask.