When the Heart Falls

"I think you need a reminder." He slides his hand up my neck.

"So do you." I knee him in the balls, pushing him out of the way and then run toward the door.

But I’m not fast enough, especially in heels. He grabs my hair and pulls me back to him. "You like it rough. Alright. I'll give you rough."

I resist, fighting him. My scalp aches, but he doesn’t let go of my hair until he shoves my head into the tile floor.

I lose vision for a moment, everything going black, my head pounding with pain, the world spinning. But I fight it, fight the dizziness threatening to knock me out. If I give in, if I pass out, he’ll kill me. I can see it in his eyes. I scream at the top of my lungs, hoping someone will hear over the blaring music.

He covers my mouth with his hand. "I know your boyfriend’s out there.” He uses his body to pin me to the floor, and I feel sick, like I’m going to vomit or pass out. Tears leak out my eyes, my breathing is fast and shallow. Think, think, Winter. My left arm is free enough to grab my purse. I bite down on his hand tasting blood and his sour sweat.

He screams and pulls back, and I flip over and pull out my phone, fumbling with the buttons. He flips me back over, eyes blaring with hate. "I can't wait for him to find you here, laying on the floor with your legs spread open, your panties ripped off. Like a dirty whore. You just can't say no to a good fuck, can you?"

I try to yell, but his hand muffles me.

"No. You like this, this loss of control. How long's it been, since I last took you? Hmm? Too long." He traces his hand up my leg, wraps it around my panties. "You still feel cold. Let's see if the inside feels the same."

He rips my panties off, but he has to move away from me to do it, and I use that moment to knee him again.

He pulls away then, getting back on his feet, holding a bloody hand and grabbing his crotch. "You fucking bitch!"

I don’t waste a moment. I scream for Cade, for help, for anyone.

"Shut up. Shut up!"

I keep screaming and try to get up, but he pushes me to the ground. I hit my head against the sink and can’t move, can’t get up. My head hurts too much.

Rodney's saying something. What's he saying? I try to focus my ears, to listen to something other than the pounding in my head.

"Why? Why'd you have to tell? It could have been me and you again, like before. We could have made love again. You don't know how much this hurts me, Winter. You don't know how much I hate to do this. I love you, Winter. I love you."

He's holding his face, crying. Does he really believe this? I grip my phone, checking it again. My voice feels like it’s coming from very far away. "You raped me."

"No.” He slams his fist into the wall. “No. You wanted me. I saw how you looked at me. Every day at school, every time our families got together, you teased me with those eyes, those lips, those dirty things you said."

He’s not making sense, but I have to keep him talking. "I never said anything except no. At the winter formal, I said no. And you raped me."

He squeezes his eyes closed. "Don't say that. You wanted me."

"And then again, on the 4th of July. You locked me in my room. You forced me to have sex with you."

"You wanted me inside you."

"I said no!" The memories choke me, but I don’t stop. I push through the haze and pain and face the demons.

"Only because you were too stupid to say yes. So I fucked you like the whore you are."

"You raped me."

He covers his ears and screams "Stop using that word."

"You're about to rape me again."

His face goes calm. He stops moving. "No. I'm about to make love to you. One last time before… " He reaches into his jacket and pulls out a knife.

Ice-like fear penetrates my heart. I’m about to die. "You don't have to kill me."

"I have to. Your lies have to stop, Winter." He gets on his knees in front of me. "Please forgive me for what I have to do. I need you to forgive me."

I lean forward, fighting the dizziness. "I forgive you."

"You do?"

I put my hands over his, holding them like a lover. "I do."

He smiles. "Then you do love me."

I drive the knife he’s holding into his leg.

He falls back, screaming in pain and rage.

I crawl for the door, my hands slippery with blood. I reach the door handle and hold onto it, but Rodney grabs my leg and pulls me back.

"Why do you hurt me, babe?"

I slump to the ground. "I don't hurt you. I hurt for the years you took from my life."

"Don't say that. Don't say those lies."

"It's the truth. And everyone needs to hear it."

He laughs. "They won't believe you."

"I think they will." I hold up my phone and push the play button.

His recorded voice plays from the phone. "I can't wait for him to find you here, laying on the floor with your legs spread open, your panties ripped off. Like a dirty whore."

The recording keeps playing. Every threat. Every ugly word he said.

Rodney’s face goes blank, and he lets go of me.