When the Heart Falls

I can’t imagine the horror, the fear she’s lived through for so long. It’s a miracle she even functions, that she had the courage to go to college, to leave the country and pursue her dreams. She still laughs, still brings joy to everyone around here, still gives of herself to others. I can’t fathom how she remained intact through this. She’s stronger than she knows, and I’m more in love with her than I ever thought possible. I would do anything to keep her safe.

When I’m sure she’s deeply asleep, I extricate my limbs from hers. Just in case she does wake up, I leave a note letting her know I went to get some air and will be back in a few minutes. But I plan to be back before she wakes up and reads it.

I check his dorm room first, but his sleeping roommate informs me he’s not there and slams the door in my face. Better for me, because I’m pretty sure he’s out smoking. More privacy. It’s the middle of the night. Bars have closed, anyone out partying has already crashed, and Rodney is leaning against the tree near our dorm smoking, just as I expected.

There’s no preamble, no chatting. This isn’t a fucking movie where I spill my guts and tell him everything he already knows before I beat the shit out of him. I just walk up to him and plant my fist into his face.

Blood spurts from his nose. “What the fuck, man. Are you insane?”

The night sky, cold and heavy, opens up and rain pours down, a sudden onslaught of water that washes the blood away even as more forms. My rage, like a murdered soul, takes possession of my fists, driving them into Rodney's face. The wind carries away his screams as I land another punch, and another.

Lightning fills the sky, turning everything from night to day and then back to night. Thunder roars like an angry god. I can’t stop my fists.

And then the words come, because he has to know that I will kill him. I would kill him now, tonight, for all he’s done to Winter, but I know losing me would hurt her more, and it’s unlikely I’d get away with murder, so for her I refrain, pull back when I want to pummel him until he can’t breathe.

When he falls to the ground crying, I lift him up by his shirt and push him against the tree. “I know what you did to Winter, what you’ve been doing to her for years. She told me everything, and you will pay for your crimes. This is only the beginning, asshole. Do. Not. Ever. Touch. Her. Again. I will kill you, and I won’t lose a night of sleep over it.”

“I don’t know what that bitch told you, but she wanted it. All of it. Did she tell you how she followed me around like a lost puppy, how she begged for scraps of my attention like a bitch in heat? She wanted it and she got it. You got nothing on me.”

My fist slams into his stomach and he doubles over, no longer able to talk. “Shut your fucking mouth. I don’t want to see you again. Disappear. Got it?”

I don’t wait for him to answer. My rage is burning too hot. If I stay, if he says another goddamn word, I won’t stop.

I rinse my fist in the hall bathroom before I go back to Winter, who is still fast asleep. I tear the note up and throw it in the trash, strip to my boxers and crawl back into bed with her.





WINTER DEVEAUX

CHAPTER 41





IT'S HARD TO leave Cade, and he doesn’t want me to go either. He tempts me with kisses and back rubs and I give in, for a bit.

“Cade, I need to check on Jenifer. She got beat up much worse than me, and besides, I need to talk to her.”

He sighs and releases me, and I miss his hands the moment they’re not on me. “Okay, but I’m right here if you need me. I love you.”

I kiss him deeply and grab the food I picked up for Jenifer at the cafeteria this morning. “I love you, too. So much more than you can know.”

The walk across the hall is painful and not just physically. My body aches for him, but I refuse to be that girl who disappears into her boyfriend and forgets about her friends.

Jenifer is lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, when I walk in. "How you feeling?"

She groans. "Like an alien baby's about to pop out of my ribs. Otherwise, pretty fan-fucking-tastic."

"For you," I hand her the chicken salad.

She scoots up in bed, her face flinching in pain. "Thanks. Maybe this will keep the alien baby appeased."

She starts eating, and I sit on the edge of her bed facing her. "We need to talk about what happened. And more."

Jenifer nods as she chews, her jaw purple and blue.

I recount the story I told Cade last night. It’s easier to tell the second time, the pain has lessened. There’s something about being witnessed, being seen in your whole being, demons and all, that is liberating… healing even.

Jenifer's almost in tears by the end. "No wonder you wanted to pepper spray him at the club. I should have known. I should have fucking killed him years ago."

I shake my head. "He's not worth killing." Though I’m not ready to forgive. I still want him to suffer, to pay for what he did.

"Beat him up, then. Threaten him. Call the cops. Whatever. I can't believe he… " She chokes back a sob.

I give her a hug.

She hugs me back, then pulls away. "Fuck. My ribs."

"Sorry."

She leans back against the wall. "It happened more than once."

"Yes. Rodney—"

"Not Rodney. Duke. He beat me up before."

"But you didn't have bruises."