Holly! She’d moved away when her parents had decided to run a caravan park in Herefordshire somewhere. Sophie wasn’t sure where, exactly. Holly had been a good mate, though. She might be able to crash there for a few nights, until she got her head around what to do. Holly might even be able to sneak her into one of the caravans, which would buy her some time. She’d be sixteen soon. She could get a job then. An office temp job or something in a shop, maybe. Anything. Stacking shelves in the supermarket would do until she’d secured some accommodation – a single room somewhere or even a bedsit. Then she might be able to apply for a student loan to cover her fees and living costs while she went to veterinary school, which is what she wanted to do.
It was a plan, at least. She didn’t need them – treating her like a child one minute and then like she wasn’t even a person the next, like she didn’t have feelings. Knowing her mum, she’d probably flipped a coin: heads, an abortion; tails, she passes her off as Justin’s and crosses her fingers. Pity she hadn’t kept her bloody legs crossed, Sophie thought furiously. What am I supposed to do with this, Justin had said. What had he thought she was going to do?
Scrolling through her contacts, she found Holly’s number and rang her. She couldn’t go over there tonight, as Holly was out with her family celebrating her brother’s birthday, but, after a quick catch up, she arranged to meet up with her in the morning, which left her with nothing to do but wait around. She could kill a few hours at the train station, she supposed, where she wouldn’t look too conspicuous; check out the train times and then download something to read on her phone.
* * *
She was sitting in Starbucks at the station, wondering whether she could get away with hiding in the loos for the night, when her phone beeped an incoming text alert. From her bitch mum or her dad, she presumed, wavering for a second when she thought it might be him, and then steeling herself to ignore him if it was. She felt bad about what had happened at the shopping centre – none of this was his fault, after all – but he’d been pretty quick to announce he didn’t have a daughter when he’d learned Alicia’s secret, hadn’t he? Warily, Sophie checked the number – one she didn’t recognise.
Hi, Sophie, hope you don’t mind me contacting you. I would like to have got in touch sooner, but Alicia begged me not to. I realise this all might be a bit overwhelming for you, but could we talk, possibly? I’d love to hear from you, if you’d like to. All best, Paul Radley, your father.
Stunned, Sophie stared at it, and then knitted her brow. How the bloody hell had he got her number? And why the contact now?
Thinking it might be some kind of scam, Sophie hesitated for a second, and then dismissed the idea. Given the content, it couldn’t be anything other than genuine. Fiddling worriedly with her eyebrow stud, she debated and then texted back.
Were you the guy at the funeral?
Yes. I wanted to speak to you then, but it didn’t seem appropriate. I’m so sorry for your loss. Px
Sophie chewed on her bottom lip, hesitated briefly again, and then – ‘Sod it’ – she phoned him. It couldn’t do any harm, could it? Thanks to her bitch mum, the harm had already been done. And at least he’d acknowledged she’d had a loss.
‘Sophie?’ he asked, when he picked up.
‘Uh-huh,’ Sophie answered guardedly. He’d said Alicia had begged him not to contact her, which smacked of the truth, knowing now what a deceitful cow she was, but… ‘How did you get my number?’ she asked him.
‘I’ve been talking to Alicia, hoping I could come to some arrangement about having some contact with you. Fifteen years is a long time to be denied access to your own child. I’ve missed you growing up.’ He drew in a breath. ‘She’s okay with me having your number, apparently, so I guess she’s relented for some reason.’
Yeah, and Sophie knew why. Because she wanted to pass the shit she’d caused on to someone else to clear up.
‘It’s great to hear from you, Sophie,’ he said, sounding as if he might even mean it.
‘Why?’ Sophie asked cynically.
Paul laughed. It wasn’t a derogatory laugh though, more an amused chuckle. ‘I get why you’d be cautious,’ he said. ‘I’ve missed you,’ he added simply. ‘There’s never been a day when I haven’t thought about you.’
Sophie wasn’t wholly convinced by that, but he sounded sincere.
‘So why didn’t you get in touch before then? I mean, you didn’t have to just… not, did you?’
‘No,’ Paul conceded. ‘Truthfully, I didn’t want to mess up your mother’s marriage. I cared too much about her to do that. I’d hoped we’d be together. Things weren’t going too well between her and Justin… But that’s history – probably stuff I shouldn’t be repeating. I knew Justin was a decent guy, which actually didn’t make me feel great about falling in love with his wife, and… well, I thought I was doing the right thing, for everyone. I didn’t think it was the right thing by you, to be honest, and I didn’t bargain on missing you so much it hurt, but it did – a lot. And then I lost my wife and kids in a boating accident – I think that was a wake-up call.’
‘Oh, shit,’ Sophie murmured, shocked. ‘That’s rough.’
‘It was,’ Paul said quietly. ‘It took me a while to get over it – not that you ever do. I realised then that I needed to see you, make sure you were okay. Do you think we could be friends, maybe? Meet occasionally? It would be great to catch up. Not that fifteen years is going to be easy to catch up on.’ He stopped, sighing heavily.
‘Sixteen,’ Sophie pointed out.
‘Right. Ninth of October. Happy upcoming sixteenth, Sophie.’
Sophie raised her eyebrows at that. ‘You’ve been marking days off on the calendar then?’ she asked drolly.
‘I think that might be deemed a touch obsessive.’ Paul laughed. ‘No, I just remember that date, that’s all.’ He paused. ‘So, how are you, generally?’
Sophie went quiet. ‘Generally,’ she said, after a second, ‘crap.’
‘Oh, how so?’ Paul asked, sounding concerned.
‘Stuff.’ Sophie shrugged vaguely. She wasn’t actually sure she wanted to share her sad life story with him. ‘Mum and me had a fight.’
‘Oh,’ he said, sounding as if he got it. ‘A bad one?’
‘Very.’
Paul paused, then said, ‘You’re not within earshot of her then, I take it?’
‘Nope. I’m at New Street Station. Wanted to give her some space, you know, so I’m going to stay with a friend – just for a few days,’ she lied. She wasn’t sure she would ever want to see her again. ‘Trouble is, my train’s not until morning, so I’m killing some time.’
‘You’re there on your own?’ Now Paul sounded surprised.
‘Yeah. I’m a big girl now,’ Sophie reminded him.
‘Have you eaten?’
‘No, not yet. I might grab some chips or something.’
‘Look, it’s only a suggestion,’ Paul said, ‘and you can say no – I’m not likely to be offended, since you don’t even know me – but do you fancy meeting up? I could come and get you. We could grab a pizza or something. You could even crash here, if you like. Once you’ve established I’m not too weird, that is.’
Sophie wasn’t sure about that.
‘Or just share that bag of chips, if you don’t fancy doing anything else. On me, obviously.’
‘Last of the big spenders.’ Sophie smiled. ‘Okay,’ she said. He sounded all right. Normal. And she couldn’t sit around here all night. She’d already seen a few homeless people being moved on.
‘Great,’ Paul said. ‘I’ll be with you in half an hour. Maybe forty minutes. I just have to have a quick shower. I’ve been in the gym. Don’t want to make a bad first impression, do I? Oh, where are you?’
‘Starbucks, or else just outside. I’ll keep an eye out for you.’
‘I’m the tall, dark and handsome one,’ Paul joked.
‘And modest.’ Sophie laughed. ‘See you soon.’
She liked him, she thought, ending the call. He definitely didn’t seem weird.
Twenty-Nine
ALICIA
Hearing Justin come through the front door, Alicia stopped breathing.
He’d already told her what had happened over the phone. ‘She ran from me,’ he’d said hoarsely, and then stopped. ‘I tried to…’ He’d stopped again. Alicia had heard his voice crack, felt his unbearable, palpable pain, and her heart had torn apart inside her.