‘It won’t work, Paul,’ Alicia cut in evenly, determined not to give him the satisfaction of knowing how upset she was. ‘He knows about what happened between us.’
Ending the call, she tried to still the palpitations in her chest. Unable to believe that he would do this, on top of all that they’d suffered, that Justin and Sophie had suffered, she stayed where she was for several minutes. The past had come back to haunt her. Almost in the blink of an eye, her life, and Justin’s along with it, had unravelled. As if she’d made an arrangement with the Devil himself, she’d known deep down that one day it would. And it wouldn’t stop here – Alicia could sense it. Paul Radley presumably didn’t know that Justin was aware that Sophie might not be his. As far as he was concerned, he had one more ace up his sleeve. Would he try to use it? Would he cold-heartedly try to destroy her husband completely? She wouldn’t let him. The twist in all of this was that Paul Radley knew she wouldn’t.
Thirty-Two
ALICIA
Alicia watched Justin checking his texts, trying Sophie’s mobile for the thousandth time that morning, pressing his fingers hard to his temples when he got no reply. Dragging in a long breath, he went back to staring out of the lounge window, undoubtedly seeing nothing but the same petrifying images she was.
Where was she? Why weren’t the police doing anything? Why had they classed her as a low-risk case when, if she was out there on the streets, she was clearly at risk. It was her fault. All of it. She was the reason Sophie had left, the reason her husband couldn’t look at her. Could hardly bring himself to speak to her. How could she ever have risked her child’s future, her life, been naive enough to imagine that if she closed her eyes to it, it would all go away? She’d made bad decision after decision. She’d been so stupid and weak.
Justin would have no life without his children.
She glanced towards him from where she sat uselessly on the edge of the sofa. He hadn’t slept, not a wink. Neither of them had even considered going to bed, watching the clock instead, endlessly pacing and hoping and praying. Jumping, physically, whenever a phone rang. When a floorboard had creaked overhead in the night, it was as a ghost had trodden lightly over their graves.
‘Justin…’ Tentatively, Alicia got to her feet and walked towards him. ‘I’m sorry,’ she murmured – a short, useless word that couldn’t possibly convey the deep remorse that she felt.
Justin tensed, his broad shoulders stiffening. ‘Don’t, Alicia,’ he said, after a second, his voice hoarse. ‘Please don’t. I can’t deal with this right now. I just can’t.’
‘Please, talk to me,’ she begged him. Tell me to go if you want me to. She couldn’t bear the thought that she might be torturing him even further by being anywhere near him.
‘About what?’ Justin shrugged, his back still to her. ‘What is there to say, Alicia? Luke’s gone. Sophie’s missing. Out there somewhere because of some fucking…’ He stopped, breathing hard.
‘Because of me. I know.’ Alicia sobbed. ‘I’d undo it if I could. I didn’t mean for—’
‘But you can’t!’ Justin turned towards her, his eyes smouldering with raw anger. ‘You can’t undo any of it! There’s nothing to talk about, don’t you get it? We have no past that I can contemplate even thinking about, let alone talking about. No future. There is nothing you can say that will make any of this—’
The ringing of his mobile cutting him short, Justin immediately answered it.
Alicia felt as if her heart might turn inside out as she watched him, praying it was news of Sophie.
Justin glanced at her. His disappointed expression told her it wasn’t. ‘Yes, thanks for calling back,’ he said into his phone. ‘I need to take some extended leave for personal reasons. Do you think you could organise someone to cover as clinical lead?… I’m not sure. Dr Paton, possibly?’
He waited, squeezing the bridge of his nose hard between his thumb and forefinger. ‘Okay, thanks. Tell her to call me if she gets stuck on anything.’ His frustration tangible as he ended the call, he glanced up at the ceiling.
‘Justin, please believe that I never meant to hurt you,’ Alicia tried cautiously, knowing how ludicrous it sounded even as she said it. Still, she had to try.
‘Right.’ Emitting a guttural laugh, Justin dropped his gaze. ‘I need to go,’ he said gruffly, turning suddenly to the hall.
‘But where?’ Panic gripping her afresh, Alicia followed him.
‘To look for her,’ Justin said, grabbing his jacket from the banister and heading for the front door. ‘I can’t just stand around here doing nothing, for Christ’s sake.’
‘Wait,’ Alicia said, as he yanked open the front door. ‘I’ll come with you. Let me get my mobile and—’
‘No,’ Justin said adamantly. ‘Not because…’ He stopped, sighing heavily as he turned to her. ‘It would probably be better if we split up,’ he suggested, his eyes flicking briefly to hers. ‘I’m going to be walking the streets, in the town centre, anywhere I can think of. You might do better to concentrate on local areas, places she might be known – café’s, clubs she might have been to. And you could speak to her schoolfriends.’
Alicia glanced uncertainly away.
‘It would look less suspect than a man hanging around the school. The police may have covered it, but…’ Again, he stopped, making proper eye contact with her at last, albeit guardedly.
But they might not have. Alicia understood. And Sophie’s schoolfriends might be more likely to talk to her mother than the police, particularly if they frequented the same clubs she and Justin both guessed Sophie snuck into. It made sense. She was sure he wouldn’t want to be in her company, but he wasn’t making a point. His thoughts were on Sophie’s welfare. As she had known they would be.
Swallowing hard, Alicia nodded. ‘Be careful,’ she said, holding his gaze, wishing he could see inside her heart to understand how truly sorry she was.
Thirty-Three
SOPHIE
‘It’s Britain’s highest rollercoaster,’ Sophie said excitedly, her nerves tingling with anticipation as the car trundled to the top of the ride. ‘Wow! Look at that!’ Breathing in the crisp, salty air, she glanced out over the bird’s-eye view of the seafront they had from almost sixty-five metres up. It had been raining when she and Chloe had come before, grey and gloomy, but today, with the sun bouncing like jewels off the water, the sight was spectacular. She was really glad she’d come now. She’d felt like crap when she’d finally woken up, woozy and headachy, having slept really heavily. She’d been sure she was coming down with the flu. Paul had said she’d feel better for a day out. He’d been right.
‘You’ll have to hold on tight.’ Her adrenaline pumping, her chest now about to burst with anticipation, she turned to Paul as they reached the dizzying summit of the climb, from where they would hurtle back to earth, leaving their stomachs behind them. ‘We’re going to drop at, like, eighty miles an— Oh.’
Paul was holding on for grim death. She noted his white-knuckled grip, his eyes squeezed tight, his complexion, which was a sickly shade of green. Shoot. He really was scared of heights.
Sophie was about to try to reassure him when her breath was snatched from her mouth, her insides turning inside out as they plunged, rolled, twisted and spun.
‘Shit.’ She regurgitated her tonsils as they swooped to a stop, her heart thumping so manically she was sure it would leap right out of her chest. ‘Are you all right?’ She turned quickly to Paul, who was grappling to get out of his seat.
Scrambling out when the safety bars where released, Paul didn’t answer, heading fast away from what had obviously been pure torture for him.
‘Paul?’ Sophie caught up with him where he’d stopped, clutching his thighs and taking deep breaths. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Yes,’ Paul managed, and nodded.