‘I have a right to know, Alicia. If she is my daughter—’
He stopped, his grip on the steering wheel tightening. His eyes were dangerous, when they came back to hers. ‘Well?’ he demanded.
‘I… I don’t know,’ Alicia stammered, completely destabilised. ‘I…’
Paul sneered. ‘I see. But you didn’t think to mention the fact that you were pregnant?’
‘No, I… You went away. I—’
‘I rang you! I emailed you! You didn’t return one of my calls. Not one! Why? I loved you. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Why didn’t you—’
‘Loved?’ Alicia stared at him, stunned.
Paul tugged in a terse breath. ‘I’ve missed her childhood, Alicia,’ he growled, his jaw tightening. ‘Those years of watching her grow up, they were mine.’
‘That’s rubbish!’ Alicia countered, her anger unleashing. ‘What happened between us was a mistake. It was wrong – you know it was. And what if I had told you? You left! Went off to your bright new career in Dubai. Why would I have imagined you would have been remotely interested in a child you might have fathered?’
‘I didn’t leave voluntarily,’ Paul said, after a second. ‘I had a spot of bother. With the Financial Conduct Authority.’ He paused, embarrassed. ‘An investment complaint. It was all cleared up eventually, but… The point is, I was interested. I asked you to join me. You didn’t even bother to reply.’
‘Join you?’ Alicia studied him, now utterly bewildered. ‘I was married. I loved my husband.’
‘But you still came back. Made love with me,’ Paul retorted. ‘What we had was good, Alicia. Special. You can’t deny that.’
Alicia laughed incredulously. To him, it had been. He’d kissed her tenderly before she’d left the hotel room that first time. He’d sent her flowers, she remembered, to the office. He really had thought it was special. A relationship. ‘You’re mad,’ she said, and turned to shove her door open.
Paul idled for a second, after she climbed out. Alicia felt the hairs rise on her skin as she wondered whether he might try to follow her in. Then, at last, he eased away from the kerb.
‘I’ll be in touch,’ he shouted through his window as he drove off, causing cold terror to rip through her.
Justin was going to find out, from him, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. She’d never said the actual words – told Justin that Sophie was his. Why would she? He’d trusted her, God help him. He’d never questioned her. He’d been the best father to Sophie that a man could be. She had to pre-empt Paul, talk to Justin before he did.
It would kill him. His heart would be utterly broken.
Swallowing back her deep sense of shame, the shame she’d carried, and which had intensified every time she’d lied, whether with words or by omission, she swiped a tear from her cheek and turned to the house, ringing the bell urgently, only to find Jess already swinging the door open.
‘Ali…’ Jess’s face was white, her eyes filled with apprehension as they searched hers. ‘Justin… He knows.’
Alicia felt her legs go weak beneath her. Oh God, no. ‘How much?’ she asked, her voice hoarse. ‘How much does he know?’
Stepping back to let her in, Jessica glanced guiltily down. ‘Sophie. He knows about Sophie,’ she said, looking wretchedly back at her.
Alicia stared at her, uncomprehending. Surely Jess hadn’t…? She’d sworn she wouldn’t. She’d urged Alicia to tell Justin the truth years ago, but she’d promised she would never take it upon herself to do so.
‘I didn’t tell him,’ Jess said quickly. ‘I would never have done that, I swear to God I wouldn’t. But when he asked me outright… I was vague, but couldn’t lie to him, Ali. I’m just no good at it. He guessed. I think he’d half guessed already. I’m so sorry.’ She looked at her beseechingly. ‘So, so sorry,’
Alicia nodded, the floor seeming to shift underneath her as she tried to digest, tried to imagine what unbearable heartbreak Justin would be going through right now. ‘It’s all right,’ she said, closing her eyes. It was her fault. Not Jess’s. Hers. She should never have expected her to lie for her. ‘I need to ring him. Talk to him.’
‘There’s something else.’ Jess caught her arm as she fumbled shakily into her bag for her phone.
Alicia looked sharply up. What? What else could there be?
‘Sophie.’ Jess’s eyes were wide with fear. ‘I think she might have overheard.’
Alicia felt the breath being sucked from her body, her world unravelling, her marriage crumbling. Her husband’s life ruined. Her daughter’s.
Twenty-Four
SOPHIE
She was here. Having watched her mum climb out of the car and come through the front door, Sophie stepped back from the window. A car driven by another man, she’d noted. She obviously had him at her beck and call, just like she’d had Justin.
Sophie was disinclined to talk to her – what could she have to say, after all, that was worth listening to? On the other hand, what she did have to say would be important. For one, Sophie would quite like to know who her father was. She would also like to know why she’d decided it was okay to lie to her, as if she had some God-given right to fuck up her life because she’d given birth to her.
She intended to have an exit strategy in place, however. If her mum fed her more bullshit, as Justin just had, she wanted to be well away from them both. Justin could bugger off on fictitious business conferences as much as he liked, and her lovely mother could stew in her own mess.
Checking she had all she needed in her overnight bag, she glanced at her phone as it signalled an incoming call. Justin again. She’d guessed it would be. Obviously he’d heard the disillusionment in her voice when she’d ended their last call and was concerned. Or maybe he now realised that she knew what a complete screw-up her life was. Well, that was tough. If he were genuinely concerned, he wouldn’t have lied – end of. Rejecting the call, she selected Chloe’s number, and then waited worriedly as she took ages to answer. Please pick up, Chloe, she prayed silently, as she heard Jessica and her mum talking in the hall. She would be up in a minute, Sophie guessed.
Was she contemplating dropping the news casually into the conversation, Sophie wondered, saying, Hey, what do you fancy for dinner? Takeaway? And then, Oh, and you’re the product of a seedy affair I had, by the way, but I decided to pass you off as Justin’s. Fancy some onion rings?
Finally, Chloe picked up. ‘Hey, what’s happening ?’ she said warily, aware from Sophie’s texts earlier about her mum’s dirty little secret that the shit was about to hit the fan.
‘Everything,’ Sophie said shakily. ‘It’s a complete nightmare. Mum’s just arrived. I swear, if she tells me one more lie…’ Sophie stopped and squeezed her eyes closed. ‘I need to talk to you, Chloe,’ she went on tearfully, despite her best efforts not to waste tears on people who obviously didn’t give a damn about her. ‘Can I come over?’
‘Crap, I’m not in tonight, Sophe,’ Chloe said worriedly. ‘I’m babysitting.’
Shit! Panic twisted inside her as Sophie heard someone coming up the stairs. ‘I have to go. Can you meet me somewhere?’ she asked her. ‘Please, Chloe. I really need to talk to you.’
Chloe hesitated. ‘I’ll get something sorted,’ she said, after a second. ‘Where and when?’
Sophie blew out a sigh of relief. ‘Brum town centre. An hour? I’m taking the bus. I’ll meet you in the Bull Ring, outside H&M, second floor.’
‘Okay,’ Chloe said uncertainly, as Sophie rang off.
Pushing her phone into her bag, she braced herself, turning to face the door as there was a light tap on it. If a single untruth came out of her mouth, if she tried to justify what she’d done in any way, Sophie would be out of the door, and she could rot in hell.
‘Hi.’ Coming cautiously in, her mum looked at her uncertainly. ‘How are you?’
Sophie almost laughed at that. ‘Ecstatic,’ she said shortly. ‘How would you be?’