Alicia nodded. ‘I’m not sure about Sophie’s things. I’ll have to speak to her,’ she said, sounding and looking more exhausted than Justin had ever seen her. ‘The locket,’ she added, as Taylor closed his notebook, ‘it has photographs of my children in it. The one of Lucas was the last one we’d taken of him.’
Hearing the heartbreak in her voice, watching the tears slide slowly down her cheeks, Justin choked back his own emotion. He had the photo of Luke on his phone, but it was the significance of it being stolen on the day of his funeral that was breaking her heart. He was halfway towards her when Mr Magnanimous himself beat him to it. ‘I’ll take you to Jessica’s, when you’re ready,’ Radley said, smiling sympathetically.
Alicia looked up at him, and then got to her feet.
And Justin felt her slip away from him another inch.
‘No,’ she said, taking him by surprise. ‘It’s kind of you to offer, but I think I’d rather take a taxi.’
Radley also looked surprised, Justin noted, or possibly slightly irritated. ‘Oh,’ he said, his smile now on the tight side. ‘Are you sure? It’s no trouble.’
‘Positive,’ Alicia said, nodding adamantly. ‘I have some things I need to do. You might as well get off.’
She wasn’t looking at him, Justin noticed, but Radley was looking at her, definitely perturbed. The man was obviously a cocksure son of a bitch who wasn’t used to being turned down.
‘I’ll show you out,’ Justin said, pushing his hands in his pockets and nodding towards the front door. He would quite like to physically escort him out, but he guessed that wouldn’t be a smart move with police in the house.
Closing the front door behind him, having declined to shake the hand the bastard had the gall to offer him, Justin took a second and then went back to the lounge.
Finishing her call, to a taxi company, it sounded like, Alicia wrapped her arms about herself in that way she’d adopted. She looked cold, haunted, alone with her grief.
She shouldn’t be on her own, not now. He had to stay here until the forensics officers had finished their business, but… ‘Why don’t you call Jessica?’ he suggested. ‘She won’t mind coming to fetch you.’
Alicia shook her head. ‘I’d rather she didn’t leave Sophie. And I don’t want Sophie coming with her and seeing police here.’
Justin understood. Sophie would have to know, but they could break this news to her gently, he supposed. There would be no way to soften the blow regarding her parentage.
Swallowing back his anger, which would serve no purpose right now, he walked across to Alicia. Whatever was happening between them, she needed not to feel the kind of emptiness he knew she would be feeling. The kind of desolate loneliness that would drive her further into herself. He’d been there. He might not have surfaced, if not for her. If he wasn’t misreading things here, which clearly spelled out that three was a crowd – and he didn’t think he was – then maybe he should be the one to bow out.
Not gracefully though. He would fight for Sophie. Though he felt jaded to his very bones, he would never give up on his daughter. Never. As long as she needed him, he would be there. And if one day she didn’t… Justin quashed a stab of anguish in his chest. He would cross that bridge when he got there.
Alicia didn’t relax into him as he eased her into his arms. She didn’t tense, though. Justin didn’t read too much into that, but he was taken aback when she rested her head lightly on his shoulder, staying like that for a second, before looking up at him, her eyes awash with such raw emotion that it tore him apart. ‘Will you ring me?’ she asked him, her voice small and defeated. ‘If you hear anything?’
Feeling a sharp lump slide down his throat, Justin nodded. ‘I will, I promise,’ he said hoarsely, and pressed his forehead lightly to hers.
Twenty-Two
SOPHIE
Sophie hesitated, her thumb hovering over her phone when she saw it was her dad calling. But she couldn’t call him Dad any more, could she?
Was he ringing to break the news, say, Hey, how’re you doing? Oh, by the way, I’m not your father? He could hardly just leave it, could he, now he’d finally found out something that was basically a life changer?
Her heart missed a beat at the thought that he would want to change his life – but he’d have to, wouldn’t he? It’s not like he’d want to stay with a woman who’d turned out to be a cheating, lying bitch.
She placed the phone on the bed and let it go to voicemail. Jessica’s spare bed in her spare room, pretty and prissy and nothing like her own. Sophie missed it already. She missed him. Missed Luke so much it hurt. It felt like her intestines were all twisted up inside her. Turning away from the phone, she curled herself into a ball, clamping her hands to her tummy and wishing the cramps would go away, that everything would go away. Especially her mother. All of this was her fault. All of it.
Plucking at a loose edge of wallpaper, she ignored the phone when it rang again. He was a bit keen, wasn’t he, to drop another bombshell in her life? She didn’t have a life any more, though, did she? Not one worth living. Sophie’s anger intensified, twisting itself into a tight knot, like a snake squirming around in her belly. She’d never hated her dad. She’d been pissed off with him sometimes, yes, but he’d never been a rubbish dad, distant like some of her friends’ dads were, or overbearing: laying down the rules, expecting her to jump to his command. He’d always tried to talk to her, even when he completely didn’t get it. He’d smiled when she’d needed him to, making her think that whatever trauma she was going through maybe wasn’t such a big deal after all. She didn’t hate him now, though she wanted to. She just wanted him to do what he’d always done – make things all right. He’d always looked out for her, taking the little dickhead who was bullying her at junior school aside and making him stop with no more than a succinct word. Wiping away her tears and bathing her knees when she grazed them, which she always seemed to be doing when she was small.
He’d taught her to ride her bike on her own in the hall, she recalled, rather than risk her skinning her knees again on the icy pavement outside. Sophie’s mouth curved into a small smile as she remembered how he’d whooped like a big kid when she’d finally got the hang of it. His eyes had been so full of pride, she felt like she’d climbed a mountain. And then he’d gone slightly cross-eyed when one of the rugs that covered the flagstones had slipped from underneath him and he’d landed flat on his back.
She pictured herself dropping down to clamp her hand to his cheek. ‘Are you hurt?’ she’d whispered fearfully.
He’d lifted his head and given her a wink. ‘Nothing damaged but my pride, Pumpkin,’ he’d assured her. He had been hurt though. He’d dislocated his shoulder, they learned later, but hadn’t said anything, in order to protect her impressionable five-year-old’s feelings.
She wished she could be small again, his little girl, safe in the unshakeable belief that her dad would be there for her forever.
He’d never lied to her either. Was he going to now? Would he try to soften the blow with more lies, she wondered? Would he quietly distance himself from her, or just wash his hands of everything and walk away?
Unfurling herself as her phone rang for a third time, Sophie leaned her back against the wall, brought her knees up to her chest and reluctantly picked it up.
‘Hi, Sophie, it’s Dad,’ Justin said when she answered, causing the icy dagger to inch further into her heart. ‘Are you busy?’
‘No. Just sleeping.’ Sophie plucked nervously on her eyebrow stud. ‘Sorry, I muted my phone.’
‘Are you okay?’ Justin asked, immediate concern in his voice.
‘Yeah, just stomach cramps.’ Sophie shrugged. ‘You know.’