They booked me in at the station, then flew me over to Rockland, where I went through the intake process again. I was trying not to worry about what might happen once I was put in general population. I told myself the odds of Helen being aware that I was back in the joint were slim. She’d also be out on parole by now and she had better things to worry about than old enemies. I also had a lot of friends inside, and if some of her friends tried to mess with me, they’d have problems.
I was given a single cell in my old block. At least I wouldn’t have to deal with a roommate. It was late by then, and everyone was already sleeping, so I made my bed and climbed in, exhausted. In the morning, Margaret was the first person I saw in the cafeteria. She gave me a smile, happy to see me, but her eyes told me she was sad I was back inside. When the officer was looking the other way, we gave each other a quick hug.
“Heard you were back in here, girl,” she said as we pulled apart. “I hoped it wasn’t true, but then I saw the news last night.…”
I had a feeling it wouldn’t take long for the media to find out that I’d lost my parole, but it made me sick and embarrassed, thinking of my parents and Mike and everyone else who’d seen the story, the whole town likely gossiping that Ryan and I had killed Cathy in some sort of revenge thing.
“It’s total bullshit,” I said.
We sat in the corner and I told Margaret what was going on and what had happened at the halfway house with Helen.
“I’m hoping I don’t run into any of her friends,” I said.
“I’ll keep an eye out for you.” When Brenda and Amber joined us in the cafeteria I filled them in and they also swore they had my back.
The first week wasn’t too bad. Once I’d gotten over the initial shock, I settled into the prison rhythm again, clinging to the belief that I was going to get out of there soon. I’d called Angus Reed, who was still practicing in town though he was in his late sixties now, and he made a few calls. He said the police were being quiet but it didn’t seem like they had any real evidence on me or Ryan. Suzanne came to Rockland for a post-suspension interview, getting my side of everything that had happened, so she could see where my head was at. She asked me a lot of questions about Shauna and the girls. I told her about Shauna coming to the boat, but never shared that I’d seen Cathy in the park. Suzanne told me she’d be in touch. I had a feeling she was going to keep me in for the full thirty days even if the police cleared me, so she could let things cool down. I just hoped that she canceled the suspension herself and didn’t refer me to the Parole Board or I’d be trapped for months.
It was good to see Margaret again and I realized how much I’d missed the old broad—how much I’d missed having friends. She made me give her a pedicure and foot rub the first day I was back, saying she hadn’t found anyone else decent—but I wished we could spend time together on the outside, like real people. I talked to her about Ryan and Captain, how I hoped they were okay.
“You’ll get out soon, girl,” she said, groaning when I hit a sore spot. She stared down at her feet, looked at her gnarled hands. “I don’t know how many more years I can last in here. It’s no kind of life, my body always hurting.”
“I’m sorry, Margaret.” I felt like an asshole. At least I had a chance of getting out soon. Margaret had to wait another ten years before she was eligible.
“Nothing for you to be sorry about.” She wiggled her foot. “Now get back to work.”
*
Margaret and I played cards every day, and I started running the track again, trying to pass the time. The first week Suzanne called with a few more questions, asking me again about Shauna. I could tell that she was trying to assess my anger. It was hard to keep my frustration contained, especially when she wouldn’t give me any firm answers about my suspension status, but I kept my mouth shut.
So far I hadn’t had any issues with other inmates, other than one run-in with a new inmate who thought she could get me to buy stuff for her in the canteen, but I set her straight in a hurry. I just had to hang in there for a little while longer.
Then one day, when Margaret and I were playing cards on the range, an inmate named Josie, who I didn’t know very well, ran up to Margaret and whispered in her ear, glancing at me, her face nervous.
“What’s going on?” I set my cards down.
Margaret motioned for Josie to leave us alone, then turned to me. “Helen’s parole got suspended—for dealing. She’s back in.”
“Shit. That’s not good.”
“It gets worse, Toni. She’s been telling everyone you ratted her out when you were both at the halfway house.”
“That’s bullshit. I never said crap about her.”
“Don’t matter. You know as well as me there’s no trial in here, just guilty as charged.”
“So what are people saying?”
“Everyone’s pissed at you—you got more than a few enemies now.”