*
That day out in the exercise yard, I felt the tension in the air. I tried to focus on running the track, but it was hard to get a good pace going when I had to keep an eye on the other inmates, making sure no one tried anything. Amber and Brenda were both nearby, walking around the track in case I needed them. There were a few women standing around in clusters, watching me. Many of them I knew, and I hadn’t had a problem with them before, but that didn’t mean anything. Once you get labeled as a rat by another inmate, you’ve got trouble. I hadn’t seen Helen yet but I knew that was a matter of time. Some of the guards were keeping an eye on me and the other girls, so they’d probably heard rumors, but I wasn’t sure they’d break anything up if someone started to give me a hard time. Some of them liked to get shit rolling, so we’d get thrown in segregation.
Later, in the range, I sat down beside Margaret at one of the tables, where she was playing a game with a few women. The other cardplayers got up and walked away, giving me dirty looks.
I said, “Shit, I’m sorry, Margaret.”
“Don’t be. I was losing.” She smiled, and I had to laugh, though it came out sounding nervous and stressed. She said, “Come on. Let’s play a game.”
Margaret had just dealt me a hand when I saw her look up, her body tense and her face serious. Helen dropped down beside me, real close.
“Hey, bitch, I missed your skinny ass.”
“Can’t say the same.” My gaze flicked to one of the guards, who was talking to another officer, neither of them aware of what was going on.
Helen leaned closer, sniffed at the air. “Something stinks. Smells like a rat to me.”
“I never ratted you out, so you need to let go of this beef with me. If I were going to say something, I’d have done it when I first got to the house.”
Margaret said, “Why don’t you just back off, Helen?”
Helen said, “This isn’t your problem.”
“You mess with my girl here and you make it my problem.”
Brenda and Amber materialized behind Margaret, glaring at Helen.
“You better leave our girl alone,” Brenda said.
“It’s okay,” I said. “Helen and I were just working shit out. Right, Helen?” Brenda could hold her own, and Margaret had status—I’d be surprised if Helen tried anything with her—but Amber was young and small, and I worried about her.
“We haven’t worked anything out,” Helen said. “I know it was you. And I’m going to fuck you up good. And if any of your friends get in the way…” She took a moment to stare at Brenda and Amber, lingering on Amber, with a vicious smile. “I’ll fuck them up too.” And with that she walked away.
I casually laid my cards on the table, trying to look calm, and said, “Full house.”
After that, I told Brenda and Amber to stay out of Helen’s way. I didn’t want them to get hurt. They got mad and said they weren’t going to leave me unprotected, but I tried to keep to myself and avoid them so they wouldn’t get caught in the crossfire. I worked in the kitchen, did my chores, stayed in my cell, and kept one eye on the door. Most of the other inmates were ignoring me too, which was fine, and I only saw my girls at meals, where we’d all eat tense, watching Helen and her friends watching us. I was careful when I walked around the grounds, remembering the danger spots, the hidden corners. The next couple of weeks ticked by as the tension grew thicker in the air with each passing day.
Finally, she got me.
I was in the kitchen, preparing dinner, when I noticed the other inmates who were working leave in a hurry. I turned around—and a tray full of spaghetti was whipped into my face. I was trying to clear the stinging sauce out of my eyes when a sock full of batteries started hitting me in the stomach, legs, back. I rushed my opponent, dropped my head low, and hit a belly, hearing a satisfying grunt. I could see clear enough now to realize it was Helen. We slammed into kitchen equipment, knocking pots and pans to the floor. I grabbed one and hit her hard across the head, the sound ringing through the air. It didn’t slow her down. She punched me in the breast. Blinding pain shot through my body, bringing me to my knees. I thought I was about to pass out when I finally heard someone yell “Guard!” Helen took off. I pulled myself up. Tried to suck in my breath.
The guard looked at me, at the mess around me.
“Everything okay, Murphy?”
It took me a minute before I could say anything. “Yeah, just slipped on the wet floor and knocked some stuff down.” He grunted, looked around again, then walked off. He had to have realized there’d been a fight, but he didn’t want to deal with the paperwork and he knew I wasn’t going to give him any details.
I limped back to my cell, where Margaret found me later.
“You okay, honey?”