He gets up and walks over to where I'm standing and puts his arms around me and kissing the top of my head, whispers, “you look so fucking sexy right now, all clean and glowing and freshly fucked. And you know what the best part is, it’s me that’s given you that glow, that freshly fucked glow is because of what we have spent this evening doing. This is how you should look all the time, not bruised and scared” He tucks my hair behind my ear and continues
“I’m shit house at relationships Lauren, I have warned you and I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions, I heard things differently, I heard what I expected you to say, forgive me, please, my heads is as all over the place, like yours probably is right now I think. This is all new to me, I’ve been fucked over by women in the past and I’ve been used by them. Just like you, I need to learn to trust again and not always think the worse but I will, for a while yet, please be patient with me, I will fuck up again, it’s what I do, forgive me, please” He shrugs his shoulders as he speaks, like it’s a given that he will fuck up again and I hate that he feels so sure about this, it’s something I wasn’t expecting from him, insecurity!
As the adrenalin pumping through me slows, I'm overwhelmed by tiredness, I stand on tip toes and kiss him, feeling relief at his words.
“Gabe, don't say that, of course I forgive you, there's nothing to forgive. You keep telling me to talk, ordering me in fact to tell you how I feel but you need to do the same with me, don't jump to conclusions, ask me, talk to me, please, we both need to learn to trust again and we can’t do that if we can’t talk about how we feel”
I yawn, I can barely keep my eyes open, it’s been a long emotional night, day, and weekend!
“I’m going to bed Gabe, I'm so tired”
“Go. I’ll lock up, you warm the bed”
He smacks me on my bum and I do as I'm told and go off to ‘Our bed’
CHAPTER EIGHT
I wake feeling too hot, I'm facing the bifold doors, they are open and there's a light breeze making the voile curtain blow into the room, the light is streaming in and I lay for a while watching the dust motes being blown in the breeze, highlighted by the sun. They look like tiny dancers, in the spotlight, on a stage, their big moment. What was my big moment in life I wonder, have I had it or is it still to come? Becoming a mother has been at the top of my list for the past twenty five years, as a woman, is there any greater achievement? A successful career? Maybe. But is this greater than growing another human being inside you, then raising that human to be a happy, well-adjusted person? I can imagine feminists and career go getting women across the world, screaming abuse at me. I let out a long sigh. Gabriel shifts. He is the reason I'm feeling so warm, I'm lying on my right side and he is pressed right in behind me, spooning! He has his arm up my T shirt and is cupping my boob in his palm; his leg is in between mine. I actually don't remember him getting into bed last night, I must have gone off to sleep instantly, I don't recall stirring, or waking at all during the night, I feel refreshed and ready to face the day. I need to pee, badly but am I going to be able to slide out of bed without waking Gabe, do I want to get out of bed yet and leave this beautiful man alone? I close my eyes, intending to try getting back to sleep, when I feel his kisses in my hair and on my head. He starts to massage my boob and squeeze my nipple. I lay still but have a huge smile on my face. His hand moves down over my belly and I breathe in to make my stomach flatter, if he noticed, he didn't let on, he just keeps going and cups his hand between my legs. He takes in a deep breath and rubs his nose into my hair. The hair on my head I mean.
“Good morning, you smell delicious”
“Good morning, I smell of you”