I feel him let go, deep inside me, I feel the heat of his release as I hold onto his shoulders and look straight into his eyes. I am incapable of speech, only sounds; my mouth is open as I try to gasp in more air. I don’t think I am crying but I feel tears roll down my cheeks, I’m not sad, in fact I couldn’t be happier. It's such a powerful orgasm; I shudder and rock, as pleasure ripples through me from my head to my toes. I actually see lights flash in front of my eyes and I'm not sure if they're real or just my imagination.
It wasn't long and drawn out, we were both too desperate for that. But it was intense and beautiful and it was with him. I've had sex with another man, not my husband, and he's made me come, and it was beautiful and gentle and hot and sexy and I can’t wait to do it again and I also can’t stop my happy tears, I’m ecstatic and just overcome with the intensity of it all, the way he’s looking at me right now, I’ve never felt so desired, my stomach is still doing backflips, my heart is bouncing off my rib cage and my thoughts are scattered but in that moment, because of the way he’s looking at me, I feel like there is just me and him on this planet right now, no one else, just the two of us and I just focus on that.
We sit, still joined, with our foreheads pressed together, both breathing heavily. At some stage, despite his orders, I've closed my eyes. I hear Rita Ora's R I P playing and can't help but smile at the relevance of the words, the Lauren of the past few years is gone, this is the new me and thanks to Gabe, I’m feeling a little more confident about facing my future, whatever it may bring, whether Gabe is part of that future, remains to be seen but, I feel, that right at this moment in time, we are as connected as two people could ever be, I'm struggling to stop the tears, so overcome by my emotions that I am, opening my eyes slowly I see he is still looking right at me . He raises his eyebrows and looks concerned.
“Lauren, are you okay, I didn't hurt you anywhere did I? Please don’t cry baby, I hate seeing you cry”
He pulls his head back and tilts it to the side, waiting for an answer; his eyes now look a much softer blue, gentle.
“You didn't hurt me Gabe, not at all, I’m sorry; I don’t know why I’m crying”
He closes his eyes and lets out a breath and slowly shakes his head.
“Lauren, that was, that was amazing, I never knew, I never fucking knew” He shakes his head as he speaks and seems to hesitate about what he’s going to say next “I've never really, fuck don’t laugh at what I’m about to tell you here but, I've never really made love, it’s always only ever been sex, always and it’s different, when you care for, care about someone, it's different and I never knew that. Fucking is not the same as making love. Ha, well, there ya go, I must sound like a complete cunt” I shake my head but he continues before I get chance to respond verbally, not that I’m capable of speech right now. “Was it okay? It was okay wasn’t it, for you too?”
He is deadly serious; he wants to know if I enjoyed the mind blowingly beautiful love we just made. He kisses me gently on my mouth, my cheeks, then back to my mouth before leaning back and looking at me.
“Lauren, talk to me baby, I need to know”
“Gabriel”
Shit, I'm going to cry again shit, shit. Breathe, theses tears have got to stop.
“Gabriel, it was beautiful, it was perfect, I'm sorry, I'm such a mess”
His hand is around the back of my neck, under my hair, I can feel his thumb brushing up and down over my skin, it’s such a soothing and sensual sensation, that even this soon after my mind blowing orgasm, the thought of what we have just done makes me want to clench and squirm but he's still inside me and I don't want him to know that I'm ready to go again. He starts to smile, have I given the game away, did I move a muscle, tense something, without realising?
“What?” I ask, trying not to smile back. I'm feeling a bit embarrassed but he shakes his head, still smiling at me. He puts his hands under each of my butt cheeks and lifts me off him. I try not to pout, I don't want this moment to end.
“Let’s get inside and into the shower, before I bend you over and fuck you again”
“Why?” I ask
“Why what?” He frowns at me
“Why the shower, why not bend me over and fuck me here, again, you want to, I want you to so why not?”
There, it's out there, I’ve asked for sex, I’ve said it, out loud. Please don't reject me, please don't turn me down, not when I am on such a high, it would be such a long way to fall, and I know it would be painful. He kisses me hard on the mouth.
“Oh Lauren, I have every intention of bending you over and fucking you every which way I can. But I thought that as its getting cold out here, we could go inside, have a nice hot shower and fuck the rest of the night away, in the comfort of our own bed”
I blink a few times as my insides liquefy, I try and take in what he has just said but the only part that keeps repeating in my head is “our own bed”.