“No more running. I’m going to take that pussy you offered me earlier, and this time I’m not stopping with just touching it.”
Can she tell I’m not bothering to whisper? Can she hear the extra crack in my voice, as I actually speak louder than I should?
“We…Jacob, we should talk,” she says pulling back slightly so she can look at me. I worry she’s had enough and that I have burned too many bridges with her.
“Do you still want me? Care Bear, do you love me?”
She looks at me like she is trying to unravel a mystery. Good luck with that baby, I can’t even fucking figure out my own self.
“Yes, Jacob…but…”
“Then we’ll work it out baby. Together.”
Silence for a few beats and I beat down the fear. I need her to help me survive.
“Together,” she whispers and I smile. I smile because as I pull her close again to hug her and place a small kiss on her shoulder? My eyes lock with Bull’s and I grin at the way the words obviously hurt him.
That’s right fucker, I win.
Chapter 13
Carrie
Is it wrong if you lie to yourself? I know. I’m not stupid. I look into Jacob’s eyes and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is playing me. I don’t know why. I don’t understand. I want to yell and scream at him. I want to slap his face and demand he treat me like I have a few brain cells. I don’t. Instead I remember what Nicole said. I swallow down the need to scream, the need to demand. I remember that I love this man and I want to fight for him, not with him.
So I let him kiss me. It’s not like that’s a big hardship. I want his kiss. I crave his kiss. The fact that I can count the hours from the last time I had his lips? It just makes me want his kiss that much more. So I take his kiss and I let him lie. Does that make me weak? I don’t know. I need to try and reach him and if he pushes me away that can’t happen. So I make a decision. A decision to tread lightly and see where it goes. God I hope I’m doing the right thing and not making it all worse.
As Jacob slowly lets go of me, I hear a noise. I look over my shoulder towards the door figuring Dragon has come back. The door is clicking closed. Maybe it was just a nurse peeking in to check on Jacob?
“Get me a drink of water will you?”
I walk over to the other side of the bed and grab the cup that was sitting there. I angle the straw to his lips and help him get a drink. I’m about to go back to my chair, but as I put the glass down on the table, I feel Jacob’s hand on my hip.
“What?”
“Come here, Princess.”
I shake my head no. I may have made the decision to try, but I need to try and keep a clear head and I cannot do that with Jacob’s lips anywhere near me.
I turn, his hand digs into my hip and he pulls me down to the bed. I reach out to catch myself, bracing awkwardly with one hand on the mattress, the other on his shoulder.
“Jacob, stop you’ll hurt yourself.”
“I know you’re upset with me. You have every right to be, but you’ve got to believe me. Care Bear, I’m tired of running.”
His hand moves under my hair and cups the side of my face.
“I need you, Carrie. I need you.”
I’m hoping my body doesn’t betray the emotions swimming around inside of me. This man will be the death of me. Would he turn his back on me if he knew what secrets I’m holding? Would he push me away, if he knew how much I love him? I think he knows already, I haven’t exactly been playing hard to get with him. The question is what has changed with him?
“I want you lying on the bed beside me,” he says again.
“There’s not much room and you are hurt…”
“You’re so small, there’s plenty of room. I need this. In fact I think it’s essential to my recovery,” he says as his hands move to my sides.
He pulls me further down and I curl into his rock hard thigh, being more careful around this ribs and abdomen. I shouldn’t, but I can’t bring myself to say no. I angle myself and put my head on his shoulder. I feel his lips kiss the top of my head and I close my eyes, soaking this moment in.
“I thought you would order me out of here,” I say honestly.
He doesn’t answer for a minute, but his body is still relaxed against me. I am about to give up hope that he is going to talk to me when his voice whispers out.
“I should for your sake, Carrie…obviously you know by now that I have things I need to work through…”
“There wasn’t another car involved tonight, was there, Jacob?” I ask the question that I already know the answer too. I don’t want to bring it up, but I’m desperate. I need him to at least talk to me. I need to try. If I don’t I think I’ll hate myself.
“Carrie, I…I don’t think I can talk about this yet. Not now. Just let me be here with you for now? I’ll try and work through it all later, okay?”
“We can work through it together, Jacob.”
“I can’t…”
“I mean it, Jacob. You aren’t alone I’m here and I am not going anywhere as long as you want me.”
“Carrie, I want you. I do…but some things a man has to deal with on his own.”