“Your nan? Where is she?”
“She is at the police station trying to see my dad.” She was his mum after all; she was more concerned with her son than her dead daughter-in-law or granddaughter.
He clenched his jaw. “Right, let’s get you out of here then.”
We walked out of the hospital slowly and Damon practically put me in his car. I was useless.
“Do you want to call your nan and find out what’s going on with your dad?” He asked as he backed out of the parking space.
“Not tonight. Do you think he’ll go to her funeral?” Funeral. That hit me like a ton of bricks and I wrapped my arms around my chest as if I was stopping something from falling out. I was going to have to bury my mother.
Squeezing my eyes closed, I let the tears fall freely. It was so unfair. Why couldn’t they just get help? Why couldn’t they be normal? Why wasn’t I enough for them to get straight for?
It was getting late so there wasn’t a lot of traffic on the road so it wouldn’t be long until I could curl up in his bed. I was so grateful he didn’t try to take me to my place. I couldn’t face it right now. I didn’t want to be somewhere my mum’s picture was on a wall.
Damon reached across and squeezed my hand. I gripped back, holding tight. “I don’t know. Don’t think of that now, let’s just get you back to my place so I can look after you.”
“I don’t expect you to look after me.”
“Have you ever expected anyone to look after you?”
I licked my lips. “They looked after me. I had food and clothes and toys. But when the violence started it was like they were consumed with anger. Any little thing set them off once they’d opened the dam. I quickly learnt to do things for myself, get my own breakfast and lunch as they often overlooked it when they were fighting. They were there but never really there. The only time they really wanted much to do with me was when they’d split and I had to pick a side.”
“How old were you when it started?”
“Four.”
One hand gripped mine harder and his other tightened around the steering wheel, turning his knuckles white. I knew that I was too young to have to take care of myself but so were a lot of kids out there.
“Why didn’t anyone help you?”
“I wasn’t about to tell anyone. I think they were ashamed of what they were doing. Whenever they saw me getting my own cereal or making a sandwich they’d be so apologetic. Then they’d each blame the other one for overlooking feeding their child and it would start all over.” Telling him this felt like cutting myself open. Just a few words exhausted me. “I need to sleep,” I said, rubbing my eyes with my free hand. Even just a few short hours where I was at peace would be welcomed.
“We’ll be home soon.”
Being around Damon again felt right. He was the only person I wanted to be with when I was so lost and afraid. I’d accidentally made him everything.
What I felt for Damon I had never felt before. It was so pure and so real. I loved him with all my heart. If he never wanted to see me again after tonight that would be alright because he’d given me something that I never thought I could have. I cried harder for my mum, for the situation, for Damon. He let me love selflessly.
“Did Chloe call you?” I asked between unattractive sobbing.
“No, Logan did. She called him and was frantic trying to get to you as soon as possible. I guess she called Logan and one of them decided he should call me.”
“Chloe decided. Definitely Chloe.” My meddling best friend would have been the one to tell her husband that her best friend needed the guy she loved. And for the first time in forever, I loved her for being right.
“Yeah, probably.”
“What were you doing?” I asked.
“Nothing, just having a drink with a friend.”
The fact that he started that sentence with the word ‘nothing’ meant he was with a girl. I already felt like I was holding on by a thread, adding Damon with someone else to the mix would have me falling.
“Okay,” I replied, looking out of the window. His hand became stiffer as he realised I knew what he’d been doing. Seeing other people was his right.
He sighed. “Nell…”
“Don’t,” I replied, loosening my grip. He didn’t let me get away, clamping his hand around mine, so I couldn’t move away. The journey back to his was taking far too long. I closed my eyes and prayed I could get through this.
Damon