It was just after eight thirty when I finally got Nell back to my place. She was tired and withdrawn, and I had no idea what to do. It didn’t help that I was shit at lying and she knew what’d I’d been doing before I received Logan’s call.
Carrying her to bed and making her scream wasn’t going to help this time and that was about all I knew what to do with her. That was how we worked. If one of us was having a bad day the other one would use sex to make it better. Our relationship, or however it was defined, didn’t deal with anything serious. I was feeling my way through this one as best I could.
“Do you want anything?” I asked, letting us into my place.
She shook her head, wrapping her arms around her chest and kicking off her shoes. “I just need to sleep.”
“Okay, take my room and I’ll stay on the sofa. The spare room still isn’t done yet.”
“No, I can sleep on the sofa.”
“Not happening, Nell.”
“Just because my mum died doesn’t mean I need to be treated like a fragile princess.”
I didn’t know what to say to that so I ignored it. She probably didn’t even know what she was saying anyway. I wasn’t treating her like she was going to shatter; I would give up my bed for her in any other circumstance.
“Take my room,” I said.
She bit her lip, reached out and grabbed my hand. “Wait. Stay with me. I’m sorry, I know how things are but I don’t want to be alone. Please, just sleep beside me?”
I brushed her long, dark hair behind her shoulder and cupped the side of her jaw. “Of course I’ll stay. Let me take a quick shower and I’ll be in soon.”
Smiling, she stepped back. “You’re giving me time to change, aren’t you?”
“I’m happy to watch but I thought you’d want a minute.” And I need to get all trace of sex with another woman off me.
“I don’t care about you seeing my body, I just don’t want to be alone. I feel like I’m about to fall apart.” I wasn’t sure if she realised she’d just admitted to being the fragile person she apparently wasn’t thirty seconds ago but I let it slide. Whether she liked relying on other people or not, she needed me now and I was going to be there. I need to shower. But how could I argue against that?
“And you know you won’t fall apart in front of me because you don’t want me to see your weakness.” Her jaw clenched. “Everyone has weakness, Nell, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Yeah, what’s your weakness?”
My weakness was something I’d been obsessing over for quite a while now. It was something that made me feel on top of the world and completely fucking lost at the same time.
“You,” I replied.
She lowered her head and let her hair fall in her face. “I’m sorry, Damon.”
“Don’t be sorry. Come on let’s get you to bed. You look like you’re going to collapse at any second.”
I took her outstretched hand and she finally raised her eyes. How much could someone take before it changed them? Nell was strong, much stronger than what she gave herself credit for, but things were pretty shitty right now. Not only was she dealing with the loss of her mum but her dad was responsible for her death – intentional or not – and he was facing prison time.
Nell immediately started stripping as soon as I’d closed the bedroom door. For the first time I didn’t want to chuck her on the bed and get hot and sweaty for hours. I wanted to curl myself around her and take away every ounce of pain she was feeling. I wanted to look after her.
She got herself completely naked and then put on one of my t-shirts that was laying on the floor. I realised that I’d been watching her and was still fully dressed so yanked my top over my head so she wouldn’t know. Thinking I was perving on her wasn’t what she needed now, I didn’t want her to think I was after anything.
“Are you getting in?” She asked, claiming my side. We’d slept in the same bed plenty of times before but we’d just fall asleep in whatever our last position was, usually her laying all over me. Under different circumstances I’d roll her over and take my side back.
“Yeah,” I replied, slipping my jeans off and suddenly wishing I’d worn underwear. Not that it really mattered though, she was used to finding nothing under the denim. I got into bed quickly and covered up. “How’re you doing?”
She shrugged one shoulder under the quilt. “It’s not a shock that it ended this way but I’m still shocked. That doesn’t even make sense.”
“It does. I understand what you mean.”
“Dad may have been stronger but Mum was always more violent. I always expected it would be the other way around, that I’d have a call telling me my dad was dead.”
The fact that she even expected a phone call like that was disgusting. I fucking hated what they’d done to her, what they forced her to witness. She deserved much better than that.
“I’m so sorry, Nell,” I said, pulling her into my arms and kissing her forehead.
“It’s okay. Some kids experience worse.”
“Doesn’t make it okay.”
“Maybe not but I can’t do anything to change it. I just wish I was enough to get them to change.”