“No, thank you. I’m staying here. I’ll wait for Chloe.” And stay with Mum for as long as I could. “You go and do what you need to.”
“Sweetheart, he’s my son. And he’s your dad. Whatever you think he loved your mum too.”
That wasn’t love. It was obsession and habit and selfishness. Calling it love was an insult.
“I understand,” I replied, pursing my lips. “I’ll speak to you later.”
“I can’t leave you here by yourself.”
“I won’t be by myself for long, and if I’m honest I wouldn’t mind sitting down alone for a while.”
“Nell…”
“Please, Nan. This is what I want. Will you tell me what’s happening with Dad when you know?”
“Of course,” she said, gripping me in a warm hug. “I love you, darling.”
Why did I never feel like I was whole and complete when my family said that? I knew they loved me, in their own way, but the only person that I’d really, really felt it with was Damon.
“Love you too,” I replied, trying to sound as sincere as I could.
Nan left and I walked over to a quiet area in A&E to the side of the doors. People chose to be closer to reception, probably so they could keep an eye on who was coming and going to make sure they weren’t overlooked.
I didn’t want to be noticed and I was already freezing right down to the bone so sitting by a chilly door wasn’t going to make any difference to me.
My cloak of invisibility was lifted when a nurse knelt in front of me. “Are you okay?” She asked.
“I’m waiting for my friend,” was my reply.
She nodded, stood up and walked away.
Then I was alone again. It wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling and the realisation made me feel sick. My whole childhood I felt alone. I had Chloe but because I couldn’t let her in and tell her what was going on, I never really felt like I had anyone. She knew now and I’d have to tell her everything.
The pain of opening up and baring all, took my breath away.
Damon
Life without Nell in it was pure shit. I knew I’d made the right decision for us both, but no part of it felt good. I’d spent the whole morning snapping at everyone and I was pretty sure I screwed my chances at becoming a partner.
Miranda, my joint assistant, poked her head around my door. “Can I speak to you for a minute, please?”
I wanted to tell her no and that if she spoke to me again I’d fire her on the spot. But I didn’t. Grinding my teeth, I gestured to the chair. “Sure.”
She walked into the room and sat opposite my desk, her heels clicking against the polished concrete floor. “I know it’s not my place but I just wanted to ask if you’re okay?”
“I’m fine,” I replied.
“Well, I’m glad about that…”
“What’s going on, Miranda?”
“The email you sent me yesterday had a few mistakes on it. Only minor things and I was able to check your contacts to find the correct addresses of the clients but it’s unlike you. I’m sorry, I just wanted to see if there was anything extra I can help with?”
Sighing, I ran my hands over my face. “No, I’m sorry. My head’s been all over the place lately. I should’ve double checked the details. I apologise for making more work for you.”
“It’s no problem. I was hired to assist you and Rich. I just want you to know that if you need extra support at work, I’m willing and capable of taking more on.”
“I know you are, Miranda. Thank you, I appreciate that. Can you move my four o’clock to next week, I’m going to leave early today.”
“Of course. Is there anything else?” She asked, standing up and flattening her tartan pencil skirt.
“No, but maybe in a week or two we can look at your responsibilities.”
She beamed, her bright red lipstick cracking with her smile. “That sounds wonderful.”
Hell, if she wanted more shit to worry about then she could have it. Rich gave her much more than I did because I hadn’t been full-time for long and wanted to experience everything. But I was confident I knew enough now and I was (usually) shit hot at my job, so Miranda could take some of the load off.
As soon as she’d closed my heavy wooden door I closed my computer down and got my phone – which had a booty call text from a girl I’d met last week. I was done for the day. I was going to go home, get laid and forget everything that drove me insane for a while.
Emma threw her head back as she came, digging her nails into my thighs. It was enough to make me follow suit. I held her hips still, pressing deeper into her. As soon as it was all over I felt empty. Emma was a good girl, sweet, funny, killer in bed, and knew the score. But she wasn’t Nell.
She groaned and lifted off, kissing my chest and laying beside me while she caught her breath. “I have to meet the girls in half an hour,” she said. “I better be able to feel my legs soon.”
Laughing, I looked over and raised my eyebrow. “If you come back, I’ll finish the job properly.”