Luke rolled his eyes and slowly turned around to face him. “Man, go back out there, you’re missing the game.”
“You know what? I don’t give a fuck!” Nick said his patience fleeing him. “You ruined the night anyway with your bullshit. I don’t know what the fuck your problem is but get a grip!”
Something inside Luke snapped and he unleashed everything he was harboring. “You want to know what my problem is? I was supposed to be the one person who could save my brother’s life.” He shouted, not giving a damn that they were in a public place or that anyone could hear his turmoil. “He wasn’t supposed to die!” He pulled off his baseball cap and ran his hands roughly through his hair. “I’m a shit brother. He’s dead months now and I haven’t visited his grave once! Not once!”
Nick took a step towards Luke. “Man, you’ve had your hands full. You have been taking care of Cara. You don’t think Jake would be grateful for that? That he wouldn’t understand you’ve been busy?”
Luke laughed at him. “Right. He’d be grateful.” The absurdity of the Nick’s statement was almost hilarious to Luke. “Tell me something? You think Jake would be grateful that I screwed his fiancée? His body was barely cold and I took advantage of her. I did such a good job taking care of her that she nearly killed herself in a car accident because she became a drug addict, on my watch!!!” He observed Nick closely, waiting for him to show some sort of reaction. “Did you hear what I said? I had sex with Cara after my brother died! And then when she didn’t remember because she was too strung out on drugs, I lied and I hid it from her. I pretended like it never fucking happened, like, that night wasn’t something I agonized over every night since! And when I say agonized I don’t mean that it pained me so much to do it, but that it pained me that I couldn’t do it again or that she didn’t remember.” Luke turned his gaze away from his friend, unable to look at him anymore.
Nick didn’t know what to say. He usually could read Luke like a book and know how to handle anything he tossed his way. If it was just Luke grieving the loss of his brother and the fact that the bone marrow transplant didn’t work, Nick could probably handle that. He could probably pull Luke out of whatever black hole he was crawling into, but this guilt over Cara was unchartered territory. Nick didn’t dare say that he knew how to maneuver a Jake and Cara situation, but a Luke and Cara situation? Well, fuck he knew jack shit about that.
Luke blew out a deep breath and turned back to face Nick. “I’m sorry about tonight. Cara remembered last week and thought her mind was playing tricks on her. When I told her it was true and that it didn’t mean anything, that it was just a mistake, she hung up on me and I haven’t heard from her since.” He tugged his baseball cap back onto his head and shoved his hands in his pocket. “I can’t be here.” He shook his head. “My head is just not in it.”
“Can you call the rehab?” Nick asked as he cupped the back of his neck. He was struggling to find some way to ease his friend.
“No, she can only call out.” Luke said and then he narrowed his eyes towards Nick. “You can’t tell Sam. No one else can know what happened between me and Cara.”
“I won’t say anything.” He paused for a moment. “Luke, you’re not responsible for what happened to Jake. The transplant worked it was his body that was just too weak and battered from the chemo. You couldn’t control that and you shouldn’t beat yourself up over that. As far as this shit with Cara goes. It was one time. You both were grieving and well, fuck, grief makes you do some crazy shit.”
“The thing is I’m pretty sure I’d do it again.” He shook his head and mumbled what a piece of shit he was.
“She’ll call. She’s working through a lot of shit, man.” As the words came out of Nick’s mouth, he couldn’t believe he was giving Luke, a Cara pep talk, talk about a cluster fuck.
“Don’t waste your breath on me, I’m a lost cause.” Luke said and nodded towards the stadium. “You better go back out there. Thanks for hearing me out.” He turned around and before Nick could protest or offer him any more encouraging words that he didn’t deserve he walked away.
*
Cara sat down on one of the sofas that surrounded Lakeview’s rec room. The last few days she had become more immersed in the activities that the facility had to offer. She didn’t want to be locked away in her room, secluded from everyone anymore. She nudged Collin with her elbow.