She rolled her eyes and grabbed his hand as she pushed open the door with her other and pulled him into the room with her. Once they stumbled inside the woman behind the desk looked up.
“Cara, it’s always good to see you.” Ms. Snyder said as she rose to her feet. She glanced at Luke, taking in his height and how he towered over Cara by almost a foot. “You must be Luke.”
Luke held out his hand. “Yes, I’m Luke Lanza and you must be Ms. Snyder.”
Ms. Snyder shook the hand Luke offered and smiled at him. “Cara has told me so much about you.”
“Likewise,” He said before winking at Cara.
“I thought we’d have our session out on the patio.” She said, and motioned to the French doors behind her desk. She started towards them and looked over her shoulder at the two of them. “Would you like some coffee?”
Luke bit back the chuckle that threatened and grinned instead. “I’d love a cup, thank you.”
Cara and Luke stepped onto the patio and took a seat. Ms. Snyder placed a carafe of coffee on the small table between them and two mugs. She grabbed her own before she sat across from them. Cara took the carafe and filled the two mugs. She peered up at him from the fringe of her lashes, feeling him watching her. “How do you take it?”
“Just milk please.” He said simply and watched on as she fixed his coffee. She handed it off to him and lifted her mug to her lips and he noted that she took hers black. Cara leaned back in her seat and took a sip of her coffee and looked at Ms. Snyder as she jotted down some notes. She couldn’t help but wonder what exactly she got out of her pouring a cup of coffee but shrugged it off.
“Shall we begin?” Ms. Snyder asked and watched Luke turn to Cara to see if she was ready to proceed. She nodded slightly and looked expectantly towards Ms. Snyder. She ran her palms down her thighs as she anticipated what was about to happen. Ms. Snyder turned to Luke, who gave her his undivided attention.
“Luke, as part of Cara’s recovery, we asked her to compile a list of people she hurt, relationships she damaged due to her addiction. Together we’ve worked through her list and it is now time for her to tackle her next step, which is to make amends. Making amends is often considered to be one of the toughest challenges a patient faces during recovery. Making amends in recovery symbolizes that a patient is ready to work through the hurt and the pain that they have caused themselves and others. Cara’s goal in recovery is to restore what was broken or damaged in her life. It will allow her to show a genuine form of repentance. Do you understand?”
Luke held Ms. Snyder’s gaze and nodded. “I do.” He said understanding that it took great bravery for Cara to ask him to come here today and face things he probably would’ve been too much of a coward to face himself.
“Cara, you asked Luke here today to make amends. From what we discussed it isn’t possible for you to make direct amends because you’ve never physically taken anything from Luke.”
“No.” She said hoarsely and then turned towards Luke. “But I can make living amends.” She said her shaky voice laced with determination. “I’ve been awful to you.” She swallowed hard against the lump in her throat and could feel the tears fill her eyes. “I remember you taking me in your arms and prying my body off of Jake’s after he died.” Luke looked down and she waited for him to return his eyes to her before she spoke another word. “You tried your hardest to pick up the pieces of me and I pushed you away. I was cruel and I said horrible things to you. I never took your grief into consideration. I lashed out at you. I called you names. I hit you.” She paused for a moment and watched his eyes change, yet they still stayed glued to hers. “I used you.”
Luke didn’t say a word. He listened and even when she said something he didn’t necessarily want to hear, he still listened. He knew it was pertinent that she get it all out and he wasn’t about to stand in her way.
“I want you to know I would take it all back if I could. Every horrible thing I would erase.” She said and wiped away at the tear that slid down her cheek. When more fell from her eyes, he reached out to her and brushed them away with his thumb. He didn’t know if he should touch her, yet he didn’t think twice.
Ms. Snyder offered them a box of tissues and Luke took them from her and handed them off to Cara. She placed the box of tissues in her lap and wiped away her tears, sniffling into the tissue before she composed herself.
“Living amends means that I am changing the negative behavior in my life and replacing it with positive behavior and opening up my life to new possibilities and a chance at redemption. I promise you, Luke, that from this day forward I’m going to strive to be the best person I can be.”