“Open your eyes and look at me.” He whispered gruffly. Her eyes fluttered open under his command as he drove himself back into her, her body arching in response.
Cara bolted up as the image of Luke filling her, bombarded her dreams. Her breathing was ragged as she sat upright in the bed. No way did that happen. She shook her head and took in a deep breath. Her head was all fucked up. None of that happened. She threw her legs over the side of the bed and stood up. She did not have sex with Luke. She paced the room as she combed her fingers through her hair. Then why was she dreaming she had? Why did it all seem so real? If she allowed herself to delve deeper she could describe his taste and how his arms felt wrapped around her.
She glanced over at the phone. She could call him. He would clear this all up and tell her it never happened. Hearing him say it would shut down her brain once and for all. She nodded, deciding that was exactly what she had to do. She bit her lip as she grabbed the phone, hesitating. What exactly was she going to say to him? ‘Hey Luke it’s me Cara. I’ve been dreaming we had sex. Can you just tell me that never happened? Okay, Thanks.’ She cringed. Drugs are evil.
She sighed heavily and quickly dialed his number, desperate to end the marathon her brain was running.
“Hello?” Luke answered on the third ring. There was a lot of noise coming out through his end and then suddenly it disappeared and she figured he stepped away from wherever he was. “Hello?” He repeated.
“It’s Cara.” She said in a hurry.
“Hey, everything okay?” He asked. She could hear the concern in his voice and she closed her eyes for a moment, reeling at how deep his voice actually was.
“Yes… no… I don’t know.” She stuttered and dropped her head helplessly into the palm of her free hand. “Luke, this is going to sound crazy and maybe I am crazy, but I keep getting these flashbacks and they are just so real. I can’t run from them.” She rambled nervously.
“Whoa… slow down.” Luke said calmly. “What flashbacks?”
“Did you and I have sex?” She blurted out the question. She let go of the breath she was holding and waited for him to laugh, because the idea was absurd, the question even more absurd. Nothing. He said nothing. “Luke?” Oh God, he probably hung up on her.
“I’m here.” He said hoarsely.
“Please just tell me I’m crazy and that I’m having hallucinations again. I promise I won’t bother you again.” She mumbled desperately.
“Yes.” He whispered.
She froze for a moment. “Yes, I’m crazy or yes, we had sex?”
*
Luke leaned against one of the cars that was parked in the parking lot of Lanza Automotive and ran his fingers roughly through his hair. He thought she’d never remember. He convinced himself that he alone would live with the memories of that night. He’d never uttered a word of the night he had her, the night he took what wasn’t his. Now she remembered, and was asking him if it was true. He could lie and tell her it never happened, but he knew that wasn’t fair.
He was scared to tell her the truth. She was so fragile. He battled his conscience until he heard her broken voice, begging him for answers.
“Luke? Please?”
“We had sex, Cara.” He said hoarsely.
“Oh my God.” She shrieked.
Desperate to ease her he quickly tried to reel her in. “It was one time and it…” He closed his eyes. “It didn’t mean anything.” He lied and as the words escaped him his fist crashed with the hood of the car he was leaning on.
“When?” She asked angrily. He could tell she was crying. He heard her sniffle through her sobs to get the one word out.
“August.” He said automated. “Cara, listen, we were both drunk and it, well, it just happened.”
“It didn’t just happen!!” She hollered into the phone. “I brought you into the office and I undressed for you!” Even though she was yelling at him her voice was broken and laced with sobs. “How come you never told me?”
“It was a mistake that we both made. You didn’t remember and I thought I could try to forget too. It’d be like it never happened and you wouldn’t have to suffer anymore grief.” The only problem with his plan was that he couldn’t forget and the more he tried the more he didn’t want to. “I’m sorry.”
She never answered him and simply hung up on him. As much as he hated the way that went down a part of him was thankful that she finally remembered the night that had been etched into his soul.
Cara’s Journal: September 29
Dear Jake,