A chorus of “Hello Victoria” broke out and Cara found her voice joining in with the people, welcoming the brave woman who stood before them.
“I was fifteen years old when I started using.” She admitted unashamed. “My father was abusive to both me and my mother and I turned to drugs to escape the pain I endured at home. I would grab whatever was in the medicine cabinet at first before I hooked up with a dealer. The drugs made me forget that I was broken and damaged. When I looked around at other people who came from good homes and had picture perfect families I didn’t feel so out of place, because I forgot where I came from. I lied. I cheated. I stole. And the sad part is I don’t remember half of what I did or who I hurt. I remember bits and pieces of the treacherous things I did. I remember having meaningless sex with faceless strangers. I knew I was an addict when I woke up in a dark alley. Whatever clothes I had been wearing were ripped to shreds or not, even on me anymore. I had no idea how I got there and the worse part I couldn’t blame anyone but myself. I was an addict and I was my own worst enemy.”
Cara swallowed the lump that was lodged in her throat as Victoria sat down. She quickly wiped at the tears that had escaped her eyes while listening to Victoria bravely share her story.
“Thank you, Victoria.” Rick said with a slight nod in her direction before turning and gazing around the faces in the circle. “Would anyone else like to share?”
Next to share their hardship with addiction was a young man. Cara would’ve pegged him to be barely in his twenties. He was scrawny and scruffy and stood nervously as if it were his first time sharing with the group.
“My name is Collin and I am an addict…” He said with a shaky voice. As Cara listened to him rehash his discovery of when he found out he was addicted to heroin, she began to realize that as damaged as she was, there were people around her worse off. Collin had been just nineteen years old when he succumbed to the devil that was drugs. He had been sexually abused by his stepfather and in fear of being kicked out of his home he escaped his pain with needles. He even lifted his sleeves and showed the group the track marks of the needles and the scars he had to prove he abused his veins.
When Collin was finished, he sat down and the room became silent. Cara didn’t think about why she stood up, she just did. All eyes were on her and she bit her lip nervously. Subconsciously, she traced the band of strength on her left ring finger as she met the gaze of some of the people who looked at her.
“My name is Cara and…” She took a deep breath and felt the tears form in her eyes. “I am an addict.” She whispered hoarsely. Once the words slipped from her mouth, she released a heavy breath. The words suddenly made her feel lighter. “If it’s okay, I’d rather just listen and find the strength like you all have to share my story.”
She was treated to a few nods before Rick spoke up. “Thank you Cara.” He smiled softly and with reassuring eyes told her, it was okay. She slowly slid back into her chair and continued to take it all in. Somewhere in between the cries for redemption and the confessions of guilt, she started to reflect on her own story. She began to work it out in her head, how she would share the road that led her here.
Would she begin with the same sentence she told the counselor when she went for her assessment? Would she say my fiancée died or would she begin at the beginning? Jake’s dying didn’t break Cara, she realized. Maybe she was broken long before he was ever sick and she just never dealt with it. Jake had a way of making her forget her life wasn’t perfect. That was why she gravitated to him at first. He never once made her feel damaged or inadequate. He accepted her flawed and all and wound up loving her despite those flaws.
She was so consumed by her thoughts she hadn’t noticed that the group began to break up and people started to stand. The session was over and she noted that she could cross another step in her journey off her list. She rose to her feet and slowly filtered out of the room of strangers that had opened up to her.
She walked back towards her room, craving the solitude, hoping that maybe she could discover more about herself than she thought she knew. She walked down the narrow hallway that led straight to her room and stumbled for a moment, having the oddest sense of déjà vu overcome her.
She kept walking down the narrow passageway until she reached a door that had a sign on it that read “Employees Only”. She slipped her hand into her back pocket and pulled out a single key. Once she had turned the key in the lock, she opened the door and stepped inside. She wasn’t alone. She closed the door behind them. The only light illuminating the office was the screen saver of the computer. Luke turned around and his eyes met Cara’s.