“I thought we discussed this morning…” She said, shaking her head, clearly confused. “I asked you to give me until we got back home.”
“Cara you’re all over the place. Not even twenty four hours ago you were underneath me begging me to make love to you and now I go to kiss you and you shove me away like I’m violating you. I tried to put myself in your shoes. I tried to understand everything you were going through and for fuck’s sake, I tried to be patient. But I can’t do it anymore. I feel like Benny on a goddamn leash. I let you drag me along in hopes you’ll realize it’s me you want. It’s me, you want to move forward with.”
“I do want you.” She said frantically trying to get her words out. “I never said otherwise, Luke!”
“Right as long as I’m your dirty little secret,” he shook his head. He felt out of control. He hated himself for exploding right now, but he couldn’t find a lid for it. “I love you. There I said it.” He took a retreating step backward. “I love you so fucking much that it is driving me insane. I have never felt this way about anyone in my life. I made damn sure I never would either, but there you were with those damn eyes and I swear to God I thought I saw forever in them. I thought I saw everything I told myself I never wanted in those eyes of yours.”
Cara’s eyes softened and she stepped towards him, but he held out his hand and took another step backward.
“There are two things in this world I didn’t exactly plan on. There’s my daughter and there’s loving you. The two things that took me by surprise became the two things I breathe for. I’ll say it again because I’ve held onto it for so long. I love you, Cara. I love everything about you.”
“Everyone who loves me, I lose.” She whispered more to herself than to Luke. She felt tears pool in her eyes and she forced them not to slide down her cheeks.
Luke stared at her for a moment before he stepped towards her. He tilted her chin upward and forced her glistening eyes to look into his. “Get your head together Cara. Whatever you need to sort out, get it sorted. I want you. I just don’t want glimpses of you and stolen moments, I want it all. So when you can give me all of you, then I’ll be here.” He cradled her face in his hands, his thumbs caressing her cheeks. “I respect your past, but I want your future.” He whispered leaning his forehead against hers.
“I’m sorry.” She said as she held onto his wrists. “You should know that when I’m with you there is no place else in this world I want to be.”
He swallowed as he stared at her lips. “Be with me then. Give me all of you, Cara. I’ll spend my whole life making you smile. I’ll give you everything you’ve ever dreamed of. All you have to do is let go of all your fears. To hell, what people think, they’re entitled, but in the end it will be just our opinions that matter.”
She wanted so badly to believe him, but the truth was that Cara knew more loss and heartache than anyone else. She knew better than to believe in dreams and promises. They were only ever ripped away from her. Opinions did matter, especially when they came from the only people she had left. She lived through losing her mother. She lived through losing Jake. She was living through addiction, but she wouldn’t be able to live through losing Luke.
She let go of his wrists and pulled away, the tears falling freely down her face as she looked up at him. Gone was the relaxed look in his eyes from the night before, and back was the defeat shining in those dark pools. He deserved better than her. If she walked away now she wouldn’t have to worry about losing him. He would be able to find someone who could be the woman he needed, a woman that didn’t have reservations and a shitload of baggage.
“I’m sorry.” She said through her tears.
“Don’t be sorry if you’re taking time. Be sorry if you’re walking away.” He said hoarsely as he watched on while she wiped at her cheeks with the back of her hands. He searched her face trying to find hope that she was just going to sort her head out and not walk away from him for good, but there was nothing in those hazel eyes. Maybe she really had nothing left in her to give another person. He looked down at his feet, shoving his hands into his pockets, he stepped around her and walked back towards the hotel.