Damaged and the Knight (Damaged #2)

“My dad was into teenage girls,” he said, over the storm’s fury. “For years, he seduced the lonely ones without dads or the ones with dads who ignored them. He liked them younger and younger and eventually he found one that was young enough for someone to notice. His luck ran out when her real dad turned out to be a thug from Miami. I don’t know what happened to him because I was hiding states away with my mom and brother. My dad was a bastard, but it didn’t end with him.

Judd took a breath like he could barely continue then he forced his words out. “My brother is in prison for raping a thirteen year old. Kept her for days and hurt her so bad she nearly died. He’s doing twenty years, but no doubt will hurt another girl when he gets out. It’s in our blood to hurt women. Every man in my family does. Not just young girls, but wives and daughters. Hell, they even beat their mistresses.”

Judd took a breath and stared at me with pained eyes. “I come from shit stock, Tawny. The worst kind of shit and I never let myself get close to a woman because one day I knew I would do what the other men in my family do. I would hurt a woman because it’s in me to do it. I should never have a woman, but I need you. Fuck, that day in the parking lot when you said those words and looked at me the way you did, I knew I should run away and never talk to you again. Instead, I kissed you because it was what I needed and I thought one kiss would make the need go away. I was so fucking stupid. All I wanted when I kissed you was to keep kissing you. I tried to think I could be better than I am. Then, we got to your sister’s place and I saw you looking like a broken young girl and I knew I’d never be better. I’d destroy you and I was fucking evil to even consider taking the chance. So I made you leave me because I couldn’t leave you.”

Judd’s face was a mask of pain as if every wall he built over the years came crashing down like the thunder around us. I saw the shame and rage and need. Mostly, I saw the desire for something better than he deserved. Every day, I woke up with the same desire.

“I should have stayed away. But I tasted you on my lips every fucking day and I couldn’t forget how you felt in my arms. It felt too damn perfect and I wanted to feel it again. I needed you, but I stayed away. Then, that day I saw you and I knew I was wasting time. Eventually, I was coming back for you, so I was pissing away days, weeks, and months for something I knew I wanted. Maybe it’s too late though. It should be too late because I made you think you’re shit. I know I should walk away, but I can’t.”

Fighting for control, Judd shoved his hands through his wet hair. “I need you to let this happen because all my life has been about denying myself and I’m good at it. I need nothing and I don’t give myself what I want often either. I like doing without because it keeps me strong, but I can’t be strong with you. Not anymore. I saw that ugly pain in your eyes and knew I put it there. I stomped you down like your dad and a million other fuckers did and I know you deserve better. I know that, but I got a taste of something too good to walk away from and I never really did walk away. Even driving away with you crying and hurting, I knew I was coming back. I won’t pretend I’m a good man or you can change me. I’m the kind of man who hurt you before and the kind you should run from, but I need you to let me close again, angel. I need it more than I need to breathe.”

Opening the door a little more, I stared into his eyes and tried to keep my voice steady. “Do you promise not to hurt me again?”

“I could promise, but I’m not the kind of man who won’t hurt you.”

Sighing, I opened the door a little bit more. “Do you promise you’ll try not to hurt me?”

“Yes, angel.”

Opening the door the rest of the way, I stepped back until he entered. Once I shut the door, I studied his soaking wet jacket and the heavy droplets falling from his hair.

Judd stared at me like he wanted everything and could barely control himself. “You have that look again,” he said as his lips found mine.

Pushing off his jacket, I let it drop to the ground as I stared up at him. “I wanted you to be mine more than I’ve ever wanted anything.”

Lifting my lips, I waited a mere second before he kissed me again and I pressed my body against his.

When he pulled away his lips, he frowned. “I got your nightgown wet.”

Judd glanced around and took in the view of my apartment like he hated everything about it. When he focused on me again, I had dropped my nightgown next to his jacket. His gaze washed over me and I waited to be rejected. Instead, he swallowed hard.

“I didn’t tell you that about my family so you’d fuck me. That’s not what I want.”

“You want to be close,” I said, unbuttoning his shirt. “You need to feel like you’re someone else and maybe with me you can. I know when I’m with you, I feel like I’m a different person.”

Judd stared at me as if unsure. “I want you.”