“What happened to Helen?”
Judd shrugged as he placed the two beers on a coffee table. “She had complications and ended up in a nursing home. I couldn’t take Pearl to the shelter. That was too fucked up and my mom’s dogs don’t like cats. So I kept her.”
Judd pulled me to my feet and lifted my damp shirt over my head. Once he removed his shirt, I noticed him lick his lips as his eyes focused on my nipples dark against the damp bra.
“You’re soaked through,” he murmured, playing with the straps. Suddenly, he frowned and lifted his gaze to mine. “You were upset and…”
“I’m not special like you think,” I told him, feeling ugly under the beautiful gaze he gave me. “You think you’re a bad guy and I’m too good for you, but I’m a filthy whore.”
Judd moved so quickly that I flinched. “Don’t you fucking say those words. Do you understand?” Staring at him, I remained silent and he sighed. “Why the fuck would you say that about yourself?”
“I want you right now,” I muttered. “Even scared, I want to go in your room and feel you inside me. I’m a natural whore.”
“Because you want me?”
Shaking my head, I shrugged. “With those men, I didn’t want it and I was scared, but…”
Lowering my gaze, I wished I could be someone else. I wanted to forget, yet I was me and no amount of lies would change this fact.
“You came,” he whispered, staring at me.
Nodding, I began to cry. “How did you know? Is it that obvious what I am?”
Judd cupped my face. “You’re so fucked up in your head. How can you not know how damaged you are?”
“I know.”
Judd tugged me to the couch where I sat in my damp clothes. He held my hand tenderly then wiped away a tear falling down my cheek.
“Sometimes, I fuck a chick and she goes wild five seconds in. Sometimes, I fuck a chick and she never comes at all. I don’t do anything different because I just want to get off. Do you get what I’m saying?”
I shook my head.
“Some women are just more sensitive and they get riled up without any help from me. Other women need a lot of help. You’re more sensitive, babe. I didn’t fuck you great that first time. Maybe not any of the times, but you came hard for me. Your body is sensitive to touch like some chicks ain’t. That doesn’t make you a whore. What those fuckers did to you doesn’t make you a whore either.”
Staring at where Pearl cuddled on my lap, I sighed. “Farah never did. Those men would bitch about how she was a lousy lay, just staring and crying the whole time. When my dad came to pay the men and get us back, the head one who hurt Farah so much, he said that the next time my dad was low on cash, he shouldn’t run around like a chicken with his head cut off. He should just put me on the streets because I was a natural whore.”
With his walls up, Judd hid his rage well. Even with hints of it around his eyes, he remained calm. As his cool exterior soothed me, my tears ended, only wetness on my face now.
“There was this little girl who was abused by her evil fuck of a father. The tweeker worked for Kirk and he was skimming off the top. Stealing from the Johanssons is an easy way to die. This guy was messing with his kid when we got there. Vaughn about tore his head off, but I stopped him because we needed info. Anyway, this fucker said the girl liked it. She asked for it all the time because it felt good. Maybe she did, but she was a kid and didn’t know any better. Her body wasn’t meant for that, but evil men will make excuses for their evil. Those fuckers who hurt you are evil, but they wanted to think they were right. No one likes being evil. Every one of them that I’ve held a gun to has bullshit me in the way they bullshit themselves. Doesn’t change how it’s bullshit though, Tawny. Some part of you knows how you and that little girl and those girls my dad seduced never wanted what happened to them. Your body doesn’t need to be on the same page as your head and heart.”
Still holding my hand, Judd stared at me. “You need to understand that because I see this look in your eyes like you don’t want to see tomorrow and you need to fucking see tomorrow. Your sister needs you and I do too. I can’t have just a taste of something so damn good then lose it. You’ll destroy us by leaving, so you need to see past your pain. The truth is you came for those bastards because your body wasn’t yours. You were young, right?”
When I nodded, he continued, “Kids don’t know shit about their bodies. They can’t control the reactions. Your sister wasn’t trying not to come anymore than you were trying to. It’s not you or her. Those bastards knew that too, but they bullshit with their lies because no one wants to be the villain in their own life story.”
Sighing, I pet Pearl as Judd caressed my cheek. “It was different with me, wasn’t it?”
“With you, it was beautiful and perfect.”
Damaged and the Knight (Damaged #2)
Bijou Hunter's books
- Lost Highway
- Ramsey Security (Ramsey Security #1-3)
- Sunday Morning (Damaged #7.5)
- Broken Memphis (Little Memphis MC, #2)
- Damaged and the Saint (Damaged #7)
- Junkyard Dog
- Damaged and the Bulldog (Damaged #6)
- Damaged and the Cobra (Damaged #3)
- Damaged and the Dragon (Damaged #5)
- In the Wind
- Little Memphis (Little Memphis MC #1)
- Damaged and the Beast (Damaged #1)