Damaged and the Knight (Damaged #2)

“I’m a shit decision. The worst of your life, but we both need you to make it.”


Twirling my hair, I shook my head. “Farah came here and worked hard. She had to live with my mom. Farah made friends and met Cooper and took chances and made a new life. I’m doing that too because I want a good life. I never wanted anything besides not to die violently or for my sister to stop loving me. Now, I want nice things too.”

When he only watched me silently, I whispered, “You’re beautiful.”

Judd exhaled as if he was exhausted. “I need you to say yes.”

“I can’t.”

“Guys like that punk from earlier will treat you nice until they fuck you then they’ll walk away. This college town is full of those fuckers. Not just the college guys either. The club guys, men outside the club, but who work for the Johanssons. There are a lot of men around here who use young women. I should know. I was one of them.”

“Was?”

“I want you.”

“For how long?”

“Until I don’t.”

Deflating a little, I shrugged. “Nice sales pitch.”

“So you want to be sold on this.”

“I want you, but I can’t have you. I see how proud Farah is when she does well on a test. She’s different now. Confident and strong. She gets that from Cooper because she can be real with him. Maybe I can’t have school and a sense of accomplishment like that, but I can feel good about work. I’ve made friends and I’ve never had friends except for Farah. I like who I’m becoming, but I have to make good decisions and you said you’re a bad decision.”

“I’m not a man to depend on. I could lie and tell you to trust me, but you deserve better than bullshit.”

Judd and I shared the same habit as Farah and me where we could fall into silence for periods of time without it feeling weird. For the next few minutes until dinner arrived, we simply watched each other while hiding in our heads.

Dinner brought a few throwaway comments about how good the food tasted then we returned to silence. After I ate and enjoyed the sensation of a full stomach, I really looked at Judd.

Even knowing he was bad for me, I couldn’t shake how beautiful he was and how much I wanted to kiss him again. While he would discard me in a way I might never recover from, I needed to know.

“We should have sex.”

“We will,” he said, giving me a grin. “Not the way you mean.”

“Come again?”

“And again and again.”

Rolling my eyes, I ignored his grin. “Do you want to go somewhere and have sex?”

“Sex sounds too clinical.”

“Fuck then.”

Judd frowned. “No, I fuck other women. I don’t know what it would be called with you. Sex sounds like how my mom whispers the word though.”

“So do you want to go somewhere?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re not looking at me like you did in the parking lot that day. You’re looking at me like this is an errand you need to run. The Arby’s you need to get out of your system. I want you to look at me like you did that day.”

“I don’t know how I looked at you.”

“Don’t expect me to imitate the facial expression. I only have three of them and I’m not angry or coming. That only leaves the expression you’re looking at right now.”

“You’re too fucking precious with all your sweet talk.”

Judd’s eyes narrowed, but I saw him fighting a grin. “I don’t sweet talk or romance chicks. I just talk them up and let them know I want to fuck. They either walk away or don’t. It’s not complicated. This here with you is all kinds of complicated.”

“I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Tell me you want me.”

“I want to…” With sex and fuck off the table, I finished with, “be naked with you.”

“You’re still not looking at me like you did that day.”

“It’s not that day anymore.”

Judd’s gaze darkened. “I need you to look at me like that. If you don’t, I’ll fuck you and use you like I use women. I need that damn look, but you’re looking at me like I’m shit.”

“You hurt me. Forgiving assholes is a loser move. I want to be stronger than that.”

“I want you to be stronger too, but you need to let me in because I need to know.”

“If I’m your Arby’s?”

Judd sagged a little in the chair. “I feel like I’ll never get what I want.”

“Don’t cry. You’re a man, remember?”

“And you’re being a nasty bitch.”

“Don’t call me a bitch. Ever.”

Judd grinned at my tone. “If you keep giving me that sexy look, I’m excusing myself to deal with something in the bathroom.”

“Ew.”

“You get me riled up.”

Again, I felt flustered by his comments because I really wanted him to find me beautiful. No one except Farah ever said I was, but I needed for Judd to see me that way. I might even think it about myself one day, if I knew this was how he saw me.

Instead of admitting my feelings, I remained angry. “If you call me a bitch again, I’ll really think you’re shit.”

“Dad called you a bitch, didn’t he?”